Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Untethered Mind.

Let’s roll...

• Personality is temporary and made up. You can be who you want to be.

• No one has the power to lower your self-esteem because self-esteem is an illusion.

• Rejection is a sign you are growing and living. It’s not a big deal.

• Your thoughts create stress, not the world around you. It may seem like it does, but the pain comes from you. Let go.

• You are much more effective when you aren’t thinking so much.

• Slow your breath to slow your thoughts.

• Slow your talking and your movements to calm down.

• Exercise more than most, and you will be calmer (and stronger) than most.

• Walk at least 3000 steps every day without headphones.

• You feel what you eat. Eat junk, and you will feel like junk, so choose wisely.

• You are already confident; you just think you’re not.

• The more you act, the more confident you will feel.

• There is power and joy in the present moment. It’s all you have. Your advantage is in the present, always.

• Learn about spirituality and becoming more conscious today - start with reading the Power of Now.

• Create something every day. It will revitalize you.

• It may seem as though worry is helpful, but it absolutely isn’t. Every minute spent worrying is making you feel worse.

• Choose happiness, don’t wait for it.

• Don’t expect others to make you happy. Don’t expect anything from anyone, in fact.

• Blaming others for anything only makes you more miserable and weaker.

• Be self-reliant and revel in your progression here, but don’t detach from people.

• Feel better about yourself by focusing on making others happy. Think less about yourself.

• No one judges you as much as you think. They are preoccupied with their own insecurities.

• Struggle is part of life, but most of us make up what struggle is. Expect it and own it.

• Finally, know that life can be a wonderful experience. It needn’t be a constant struggle.

You can turn around a bad day instantly because of who you are and the strength you can easily access.

We are allowed to have fun every single day.

Don’t allow your thoughts or someone else to take that from you.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from feeling better about themselves: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I've read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

What does ‘success’ mean to you?

It is obviously subjective. But the strategies we can use to find our own versions of success share similarities.

Not all the best ideas are in your favourite self-help book, though.

Untethered Mind by Alex Mathers is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Some of them are right here…

1. Law of Enjoyment.

No matter how seemingly tedious or ugly the task, you can find a way to enjoy what you’re doing.

This is made possible through slowing down, being present, and relishing the finer details in the work.

What advantage could this create for you?

Read more

Ever get frustrated that people don’t seem to pay you attention?

I’ve been there many times, and it sucks.

That’s why I’ve spent years studying the art of authority, communication and leadership. I’ve also learned a ton as a coach, working with hundreds of people in direct conversation.

The skill of garnering rapt attention to what you’re saying is becoming rare, but it will help you make a tremendous impact in the world.

Here’s how to ensure people take note, prick their ears, and listen up:

Make your words count.

Don’t dilute the power and meaning behind your words by saying more than you need.

When we use more words than is necessary to make a point, the value of any one word diminishes.

Measured, controlled talking makes people hang on to your words because they know they are scarce, and scarcity is valuable.

Don’t get angry or overly emotional.

Did you ever try to get someone to do what you wanted by raising your voice, shouting or acting out of annoyed aggression?

Unlikely. People resist anger because it is not controlled. It reflects a chaotic and insecure state, which others can’t respect.

If you’re triggered, take a breath, and always speak from a place of measured calm.

In a panel debate, the most erratically emotional speaker rarely garners the most attention and respect.

Speak slower.

There is a place for faster talking if the person you are with has a higher rate of speaking.

You might do this to align your tempo to maintain rapport. But usually, speaking fast reflects imbalance.

You’re rushing your words out of insecurity or an unwillingness to be in the spotlight. Respected speakers take their time.

They own their space.

This emphasises their higher status in the room, and people will respond accordingly.

Embrace silences and create space.

Most people are terrified of seemingly awkward silences in conversations.

They um and ahh their way through, fidgeting should any pause longer than a second arise. But is this lack of surety and discomfort the foundation for developing a beautiful discussion?

Be different, and find a way to make peace with silence.

As many assume, this doesn’t show a lack of intelligence; it emphasises your strength.

You need to set the frame and demonstrate that quiet periods are ok. They add to the electricity running through the connection.

Watch some of the best speakers and notice how many are ok with long pauses.

This attracts respect and attention.

Don’t ramble.

Like talking more than you need to, rambling takes this to another level.

If you ramble in many different directions, you’re not a flawed human, but it will affect the degree to which people are willing to listen.

Rambling shows that you can’t focus on a single point and deliver your response with clarity. It also communicates a lack of surety in what you’re saying.

It’s harder for the listener to hone in on the multitude of disparate points you make, so they are far less likely to listen after a point.

This takes practice and awareness. Stick to the point.

Listen to others.

To expect rapt attention from another, you can’t be the guy blabbering continually without really listening to the other person.

When we direct our attention to listening - like really ACTUALLY listening - we become less self-conscious, which builds calm and confidence in us.

But it will also be felt by the other person, ensuring they don’t sit there stewing with resentment that you ignored them.

They, too, will reciprocate and listen to you when it’s your turn to speak.

Communicate your boundaries.

We’re subtly communicating our tolerance to disrespect in everything we do.

If we’re in a conversation and allow others to butt in or talk over us continually, we sub-communicate a tolerance for disrespect.

So what do you do? You continue speaking assertively if someone is trying to cut in.

If that isn’t having an effect, be bold and calmly tell them that you’d appreciate them allowing you to finish a sentence.

Be upfront about this, and don’t cower to avoid ‘rocking the boat’.

This will garner respect.

Speak boldly but don’t shout.

Those who command attention in a room speak with little hesitation in their words.

This doesn’t mean you need to raise your voice. It means speaking with confidence behind what you’re saying.

Even if you aren’t sure what you’re saying, you need to lean in and say it like you mean it. Hesitant speaking and language will signal a lack of faith in your words and fall on deaf ears.

Strong speaking is less about what you say and far more about how you say it.

Use decisive language.

The words and phrases we choose to make our points make a significant difference.

If we lead our opinions with phrases like: ‘I’m pretty sure,’ ‘I feel,’ ‘I kinda think,’ ‘I guess,’ etc., why would others feel compelled to buy into what you’re saying?

Have faith in your words and tell them, ‘I believe,’ ‘I know,’ and ‘I think.’

Always speak with total, unfaltering conviction.

There is confidence here, and others will be inclined to believe what you’re saying.

Be respectful of others.

Powerful communication isn’t a one-way thing.

It depends on the context, but if you’re driving forward with your opinions while giving little time to acknowledge the points of others, even if you disagree, you can’t expect others to reciprocate.

There must be mutual respect. If you disagree, you can still acknowledge others and be respectful.

You say: ‘I respect your opinion, but I disagree.’

Give others space to air their words, and they will be more inclined to give you the freedom to be heard.

Be real.

Those who tend to gather keen listeners don’t hide what they mean with bland platitudes and waffly misdirections.

Modern politicians are great at this.

Influential talkers say what might feel uncomfortable and awkward if it means being honest.

Speaking the truth, especially saying things that aren’t always comfortable, takes courage.

To speak courageously, from the heart - this is what will bring you rapt attention, respectful listeners and even standing ovations.

Keep it real, even if it hurts.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from achieving higher: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

—

I spent many years of my life in over-analysis mode, creating more anxiety than I needed - rather ironically for myself.

I put a lot into studying how to live with less of it and how to develop a more resilient approach to life’s challenges. Some stress, or lower mood is human and normal, but none of us need be crippled by it.

One idea or insight can be all it takes to shift your experience greatly, and bring more peace.

I know this is true, because I have experienced it myself.

Here are some ideas to read through slowly. Allow them to sink in.

• Happy people know the past has no bearing whatsoever on their present behaviour.

• Overwhelm can be diminished quickly with five slow, shallow, nasal breaths.

• No one has the power to decrease your self-worth because self-worth is just an idea.

• If you’re struggling but rarely exercise — that’s the bulk of your issue right there.

• Stress is not caused by external circumstances but rather by internal ideas.

• If you want to feel good about yourself, help others feel good about themselves.

• The stiller your mind, the more connected to life force, and therefore creatively joyful you will be.

• Walking for at least twenty minutes will solve over 85% of your problems.

• If you can find a way to be ok with being disliked, you will be unstoppable.

• Remaining calm when triggered is the number one life skill.

• Suffering is always tied to the illusion that we have a ‘self’ to protect, which is simply not true.

• Miserable people expect others to be a certain way.

• The happiest people expect nothing from no one.

• Physically relaxing yourself in the moment will dramatically reduce your sense of mental stress.

• The more natural and less processed your diet, the stronger will be your mind.

• You will limit yourself to the degree you blame others for your problems.

• There are no problems in the present moment.

• We get depressed when we over-consume because humans were designed to create things.

• If in doubt, get off your ass and move.

• You don’t need to try to ‘think positive’ because we’re already totally ok when we let go of negative thoughts.

• You don’t need things to be a certain way to be happy, because you can choose to be happy right here, right now.

—

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core, gain energy to attack your goals, and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Ryan Holiday’s ‘The Obstacle Is the Way’ is one of those books that landed on my bedside table at exactly the right time.

It’s rooted in Stoic philosophy, mainly the teachings of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.

The core idea is simple: the thing blocking you is probably the thing that will grow you the most.

Here are eleven lessons from the book that I use almost daily:

1. See things as they are, not as you fear them to be.

We add layers of panic and scary narratives to stuff that happens to us. But it’s ALL mind-created stuff. WE add the fear and the panic. YOU.

Rockefeller watched the 1857 financial crash as a young clerk and while everyone around him panicked, he studied it. He stripped the emotion out and looked at the situation with clean eyes, making him a fortune.

When something ‘bad’ happens to me, which they do often, I take a breath and look at it objectively. This drains the pressure, helping me to see a logical next step.

2. The obstacle IS the way.

The thing standing between you and what you want is the thing you need to accept, and USE to your advantage.

Don’t let it run you over. Climb onto that sucker and let it carry you, all the way to Winville, Ohio.

Marcus Aurelius wrote that the impediment to action advances action. I’ve come back to this idea more than any other in the book, because it flips the entire way you look at difficulty.

What if the job you lost forces you to build something of your own?

Or the relationship that ended prompts you to rethink how you interact with others.

The rejection from a publisher makes you rewrite the book until it’s ten times better.

The problem isn’t in the way. It IS the way.

How different might life look if you saw EVERY challenge through this lens?

3. Steady your nerves as your number 1 strategy.

You will never control what happens to you, but you can always control HOW you respond.

The practice is catching yourself in the moment of reaction and choosing to observe instead of spiralling.

This takes daily practice, and I’m still improving, but remaining calm is the most absolute life skill.

4. Get moving before you’re ready.

I think about this every time I catch myself distracting myself with bullshit from the things I know are worth doing.

The right moment never arrives. You start messy, you start feeling odd, you start before you’re ready, and the feeling of ‘readiness’ shows up once you’re already moving.

Expect this, and you will be fine, as long as you freaking MOVE.

5. Focus ONLY on what you can control.

Epictetus said some things are up to us, and most things aren’t. Where we direct our attention is one of the most underrated tools we have as happy humans.

Wasting energy on stuff we can’t change is where most of our suffering lives. It really gets you nothing but frayed nerves.

I spent years worrying about things I had little to no influence over.

Seeing where my control lay, and redirecting that energy to what I CAN change has been one of the biggest upgrades to my life.

6. Persist, but don’t be a stubborn ass.

There’s a huge difference between persistence and repeatedly doing things that get you nowhere.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re being ‘tough’ when, really, you’re going round in circles.

If the front door is locked, try the window by the chimney stack.

Try going around, going under, or coming back at a different time.

The goal stays fixed, but the method must remain flexible.

7. Use obstacles against themselves.

Like a judo move, you use the weight of the problem to flip it.

Gandhi used British oppression as fuel for the independence movement, and the worse they behaved, the stronger his position became.

Or say your first product doesn’t sell. Don’t just quit. The persistent person asks 10 people why they didn’t buy, builds something based on what users are really looking for, and launches it instead.

I love this idea because it turns the thing that’s crushing you into the thing that propels you.

8. Do your job and do it great.

Do it the best you can do it, even when nobody is watching, and even when the task feels beneath you.

Even when you’re brushing your damn teeth.

You do it like it’s a craft you’re always honing. Treat EVERYthing like this.

The discipline of doing unglamorous work well is what builds the character you’ll need when the bigger moments arrive. There’s something, too, in this, of the karma that flows back to you when you aim to do a great job of everything to which you set yourself.

I’ve found that the boring, repetitive tasks are usually the ones that matter most in the long run.

9. Remember you are going to die.

They call this Memento mori. Think about death and the limited time you have, often.

The late train to Doncaster doesn’t feel so bad any more, huh?

It sounds dramatic, but when you’re conscious that time really is finite, the petty obstacles shrink and the things that matter come into focus.

I think about this when I’m stressing over something that won’t matter in one year, because they rarely do.

10. Build your inner citadel.

Most people spend most of their time thinking about, worrying about and wishing to change the external things in life.

Their boss, their mothers, their next weeks that haven’t happened yet.

There’s only a very limited amount you can do to affect these things.

But it is your mind that is the one place that can’t be invaded unless you allow it. When your mind is steady, external things tend to improve, mainly because you make better decisions.

The best way to maintain a resilient mind is simply to realise that your thoughts are never to be taken seriously.

This understanding has changed my life more than anything.

11. Think beyond yourself.

It’s not all about you. That’s why you’re moody half the time.

Serving something larger than your own interests gives you a staying power that endless self-interest cannot touch.

It’s far easier to see my obstacles as tools rather than setbacks when I connect what I’m doing to improving the lives of others, a mission, or a cause I believe in.

My most resilient stretches have always coincided with periods where I wasn’t so focused on my own problems, while knowingly building something that would help someone else.

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core, gain energy to attack your goals, and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Many people have been trying to get through to me recently and it can be overwhelming.

Some are asking for help, others want to connect, and several more are pitching me their ideas.

I feel bad when I don't reply promptly to people, but I am realising I just can't take it all on.

I have my own goals and dreams to accomplish.

Nothing slows me down as much as the pressure I put on myself for 'needing to do more.'

A mentor taught me something years ago that I return to whenever I feel this way:

There's a difference between being overwhelmed and being overloaded.

Being overwhelmed is psychological. It's mental pressure.

This is when the stress is caused internally, through worry and doubt.

Being overloaded is rooted to the external.

It is more logistical. This is when I've given myself too much to do that I can feasibly take on.

Many of us confuse the two.

I might think I'm burned out from work when really I'm drowning in the anxious thinking I have about my work.

That's a significant difference that also poses a huge opportunity.

If I'm worrying about a whole bunch of stuff I can't change (often the case), it also means there's a whole bunch of stuff I can let go.

It might take courage, but it's all I can do. And when I stop tolerating stressful thoughts, I feel so much better.

It's like I've just given myself the keys to a boat to a secret island.

If you feel stressed right now, are you overwhelmed or overloaded?

If it's an 'overloaded' issue, then it's time to cut some things out of your life. You can't logistically juggle it.

Be brave and drop it.

If you're overwhelmed, you can let go of the heavy thinking.

And to do that, I focus on action.

Not on trying to fix things through worry….

But by simply doing one useful thing at a time.

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Here it is again. That wave of discomfort.

It starts like a rippling in my chest, and then a ping in my throat.

I couldn’t describe the emotion because it is composed of several. Frustration; boredom; anger; restlessness; confusion, and borderline despair.

I’m also sleepy.

This can’t be a good start, can it?

Well, yes it can, because I’ve been here many times before.

Completing anything worth doing always started with moments like these. Many times, this ‘feeling’ led to some of my best work.

But as I feel these dodgy emotions again. Let’s just package them all into the label: ‘claustrophobia’ for clarity’s sake, I need to remember how to deal with them.

Maybe you want to join me as I break this down.

When I’m not feeling it; when I want to do something else, like take a nap, or nip to the fridge, or check my emails; when I feel stuck or trapped, this is an opportunity.

It is not a reason to run away.

The reality is this: I do not need a break. I don’t need another holiday. I don’t need more sleep when I already slept seven hours last night. Maybe tomorrow, but not right now.

Humans are amazingly resilient. I don’t have to recount the hundreds of individual feats of stamina and struggle that people have been through over history, to come through alive.

My only task is to type words on a page. It’s nothing more than that. Those other things can wait because I have made writing things every day my must.

I feel uneasy because I’m not listening.

I’m ignoring my spirit.

Feeling bored tells me that I am not conscious. My thoughts are elsewhere.

But the only place I need to be is here in front of this computer screen, despite the weirdness.

Amateurs hit the eject button when they don’t feel like doing what they need to do. Pros have felt claustrophobic many times before.

They became masters because they know what it means.

Claustrophobia is not a fear of enclosed spaces. It is the discomfort you feel in believing that you cannot move.

When I am static, I feel it. This is why I dream of escape. Escape is the obvious answer to this problem of not moving.

But I don’t need to travel halfway around the globe to move. I don’t need to play a game for thirty minutes before returning to my keyboard. I can stay here, and act, in this moment.

I move by taking out a pencil and drawing lines with it. I begin to flow by typing letters — ieuboihewofinscnvwerihfsl — on the page.

I can learn to stay with the pain (yes, it is pain), and move into what feels like an abyss — a void of nothingness.

There are no safety wheels here. No distractions. No excuses.

It is here that I am rewarded.

When I say yes to distractions and diversions, I am turning my back on the void, and I am turning my back on myself.

When I ride the wave and hold on tight, the void moves closer again.

And when it gets close enough, the void swallows me whole.

I see that I am still here. Still alive.

I am here — this place where few venture: the quiet source of creative insight.

I have a theory that I believe in deeply.

Because we need to maintain our survival, our bodies (perhaps it is our ‘souls’) continually push us to be engrossed in what is right in front of us.

Our subconscious is a machine that perpetually delivers sparks of insight — visions — that guide us to what brings us to life.

When we satisfy our need to be stimulated through other things, such as watching TV, our source of creative insight is turned down.

Our subconscious has stopped providing because we’re already fed data externally.

But when we allow ourselves to sit with what feels uncomfortable for a while, and start moving in any direction, these sparks return.

Hits of data that we use to inspire creative action flow to us from the inside (or perhaps it is the ‘ether’).

This is why I need not fear the void.

Stay with the boredom.

Inhabit your claustrophobia, and take that small step.

The rewards will come.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from stepping into their creative power: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits that build self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

—

We tend to tie achievement to talent, intelligence, wit and intellectual prowess.

If we look at those who get far and master skills at incredibly high levels, we see it’s less about these things and more about emotional strength.

Let’s take a closer look…

1. Ruthless with distractions.

Creating momentum is extremely difficult when we allow ourselves to be distracted.

Distractions take many forms, including other potential projects, online distractions, other people’s requests, and the negative thoughts that show up in our own skulls.

High achievers are aware of this compelling and powerful force. But they override its pull day after day.

They continually re-prioritise their primary objectives.

You must be clear on your priorities and deny anything that undermines them like a maniac.

2. ‘Unreasonably’ persistent.

In ancient times, humans would continually face life or death situations that prompted them to act with ferocious levels of persistence to survive.

Today, the need to persist is a seemingly alien experience for many because of the comfortable world in which we now live.

But without persistence, very little of brilliance can be developed. It takes masses of work and attention over long periods to make an impact in anything.

This requires continual awareness on your target, regardless of how ‘forced’ this can sometimes seem.

High achievers know when to pivot, but they refuse to quit.

3. Willing to look strange.

It’s nearly impossible to be on a journey of high achievement without a willingness to appear odd to the general ‘normie’ masses.

If you didn’t feel self-conscious or, to some degree an outsider, this would indicate that you aren’t transcending your societally-imposed boundaries.

Going beyond these emotional indicators leads to significant outcomes. This is part of the experience.

It can be lonely at the top, but high achievers get this and accept it.

They are driven by the ultimate thrill of self-growth and inspiring those around them to grow.

4. They bore themselves on purpose.

High achievers spend an almost offensive amount of time doing the same thing over and over again while everyone else chases novelty.

They write the same kind of chapter, run the same morning routine, and practise the same skill until it becomes automatic.

The boring repetition is the thing that produces the extraordinary result, and they know it.

5. They possess inhuman patience.

In this quick-fix swipe-right uber eats world, most of us are conditioned to expect results fast.

There may be more convenience, but it has also instilled in us an acute form of impatience to the point of irritability if we don’t get what we want quickly.

This is deadly for any creative endeavour worth putting time into. Nothing of any significance materialises quickly. Attempting shortcuts will only set you back further.

You must nurture an uncommon level of patience for whatever you set your mind to.

6. They act the part.

True winners understand the malleable nature of ‘personality.’

We can choose to wake up and be whoever we need to be given what we want to create in our realities.

We create our reality; we don’t suck our thumbs and wait for a sunny day.

Winners create goals that encourage a leaning into their potential, and then they mould themselves to this vision through action, posture and general demeanour right now, today.

Be the kind of person who achieves the dreams you want today.

7. They are ok with a bit of pain.

It is rare to experience physical hardship or pain as we once did years ago.

We may have less external discomfort, but pain in our lives will always be there whether we pursue lofty goals or choose to stay comfortable.

So high achievers create momentum through an acceptance and tolerance to pain, mainly at the psychological level.

Elite high achievers take it a step further and actively seek out pain and find a way to enjoy the more challenging moments in life and business.

But here’s the thing: when they do, they barely perceive it as ‘pain’ at all.

8. Do things the best it can be done.

Most people are oblivious to a subtle force that constrains them within boundaries set by those who came before.

In other words, few of us have the courage or foresight to transcend pre-established (social) boundaries because of a deep need to conform.

High achievers actively look for these boundaries and — instead of doing their best within these delineations — aim to go further than has ever been done before.

They aim to do things the best it can be done, whether it is to go further than anyone else or to bring their own unique spin to an old approach.

High achievers want nothing less than to be pioneers and innovators.

Final: you must be willing to appear ‘odd’ relative to the general populace.

Expect to feel different; stay your course, and the world will look on in awe.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from achieving higher: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits that build self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

There is a constant force that slowly and subtly works against your individuality.

Humans are strongly attracted to conformity and get uncomfortable when they sense they are different from those around them.

The only problem with this? It makes us miserable and unsuccessful in the long run.

It’s in everyone’s interest to become more thoroughly themselves.

Being yourself while staying connected will bring joy and fortune into your life.

Let me show you what I mean by being more fully yourself:

1. They have forgiven their past.

It’s amazing how strong a hold our pasts can have on us.

We often carry around a form of resentment for something we did or for what someone did to us.

Either way, this lack of forgiveness is hurting us the most. We can’t be fully ourselves this way.

You must take some time out to resolve this.

You forgive yourself by finding compassion for what you did. If you look deeply, you will find a way to understand.

The same goes for what someone did to you.

You must find a way to see that what they did was for a very good reason in their mind.

Everyone is doing their best given the thinking they hold to be true.

Including the younger you.

2. Embellish their quirks.

A cool thing happens when we start letting go of past shames: we become more attuned to what makes us unique.

We develop deeper compassion for who we are and notice all the details about us that we may have tried to hide before.

What ‘weird’ interests do you have that few others share?

What are natural talents you can sharpen?

What about your temperament can you take advantage of?

Look back over your school years, for example, and ask: what made you stand out then?

Even if it was on the other end of criticism (including of self), these things all point to the aspects of you that you must embrace.

3. Are shame-free.

People often avoid being themselves publicly because they believe they have something shameful to hide.

Maybe it’s an idea picked up in youth, or you deny aspects of your darker side, which we all have.

They can’t step out and own every part of who they are, so they put on an act — even if it’s subconscious.

They are overly ‘nice’, for example. This slowly eats us up from the inside because we aren’t being who we really are. The way through is to make peace with the parts of you that you dislike or fear showing.

If you can change what you don’t like, do it. If not, own it.

Insecurities dissolve the moment you own them.

4. Healthy relationship to rejection.

It’s rare to come across someone these days who isn’t terrified at the idea of being rejected by another human.

Our overly protected childhoods and our ‘safe space’ culture is directly to blame for an unhealthy attitude to the nature of rejection.

The most authentically happy people are much better able to handle and process the idea of someone disliking them or saying no to them.

This is developed through putting yourself out there.

But we become stronger in the face of rejection when we see the value in being rejected.

See rejection as an indication that you’re putting yourself out there. You’re taking risks. You NEED rejection to thrive, to be yourself.

This is what it means to have a healthy relationship with rejection.

5. Understand the power of staying unique.

In a world continually — and often subconsciously — pushing you towards conformity, it takes continual awareness and reminding to remain unique and true to yourself. Those who stay themselves are aware of the need to be unique.

To stand out benefits us and our businesses in obvious ways.

We embrace our exceptional skills, making us indispensable and needed by other people.

More than anything else, being unique means that we are in integrity.

We are willing to look ‘weird’ to others if it means we stay true to who we are. We aren’t living the fake life like most narcissistic try-hards are doing.

This is a habit, a constant practice, and it will serve you well.

6. They’ve dropped the performance.

There’s a version of “being yourself” that’s still a performance, and most people don’t catch it. Loud confidence, constant opinions, making sure everyone in the room knows how unbothered you are.

The people who are ACTUALLY themselves got past that. They’re fine being boring on a Tuesday. They don’t need every interaction to prove something, and they’re not scanning the room to see if anyone noticed how relaxed they look.

I used to try to be upbeat and funny when I wasn’t feeling it, and that just made me more anxious. Instead, I owned my mood. And when I did, I relaxed more anyway.

7. No longer self-conscious.

It’s impossible to never be self-conscious because we require an occasional awareness of ourselves and our appearance.

Many of us spend far too much time in a heightened sense of self-analysis, which renders us awkward and helpless.

We become self-conscious to compensate for some perceived insecurity about ourselves that we feel needs protection.

For example, I have been very self-conscious in social situations because I wanted to do my best while inadvertently making myself even more anxious.

But our performance and joy in the moment continuously improves when we focus outward.

Those who are most themselves have diverted their attention away from themselves.

They take an interest in the people and the sights around them.

This ends up attracting people to you in the end.

Being unapologetically yourself requires a healthy dollop of self-respect…

Learn the 25 little daily habits that build self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

I used to worry pretty much every day that I wasn’t clear on my purpose.

Norman the Life Guru kept telling me how important I needed to know my WHY.

WHAT’S YOUR WHY, ASSHOLE?

IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR WHY, YOU’RE GOING TO DIE POOR AND UGLY!

He’d probably told me 17 times via three platforms in the last three weeks. So I had all this self-imposed pressure. All these ‘shoulds.’

And then came the questions...

They sprouted from idle gaps in the day like summer daisies.

What should my purpose be?

Not knowing my purpose is surely behind this lethargy - this malaise.

I needed to know.

I journaled in the mornings, high on coffee until my fingers turned blue. By noon I’d figured it out, and I probably told several people about it, including my mum. But that was Monday. On Tuesday, I had a similar routine. I’d start off empty, devoid of a sense of purpose, and then by 12, my purpose was there - on paper - but it wasn’t the same as the one I’d penned for Monday.

By the end of week, I had purpose, but it was split seven different ways.

Perhaps my new purpose was unravelling this creeping sense that I was losing my damn mind.

. . .

Over the years, I’ve had moments where I’ve been able to step outside of my moth-ridden mind and see things with crystal-clear clarity.

I’m sure you have too.

Lovely, little lucid moments, aren’t they?

Well, it was in one such moment I learned something big.

It was after a weight-lifting session while flexing my nips in the mirror, as so many are.

I realised a couple of things:

Firstly, If you can figure out your purpose in life, good for you, but this realisation is unlikely have come to you forced.

Your purpose can’t ever be pre-planned.

Purpose is realised, felt as an emotion, and then followed like the whiff of a croissant on a Saturday morning.

Secondly, given that we tend to receive the best insights, the clearest solutions and the highest forms of wisdom when our minds are still, we are already on purpose when we follow our instincts.

Thirdly, we know that when we treat our bodies right and get out of our heads and into movement, we tend to receive these insights without forcing.

So, how about this:

Stop worrying about finding purpose, and focus on taking the best care of your mind and body.

Have that be your primary purpose.

Make space for a fun, long sprawling walk every day.

Find a way to do more of the creative tasks that energise you, even if they don’t make a ton of money.

Make a project of eating things that actually make you feel good...

...Not because it’s a deathly, tedious chore, but because you’re opening up your channels to receiving purpose - loud and clear (when you don’t expect it).

Roger, over and out.

Take pride in your physical state, and your mind will be more still and higher frequency more of the time.

From here, your sense of purpose will arrive without even really trying.

Putting yourself first like this requires a healthy dollop of self-respect…

Learn the habits that build self-respect in tiny, achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

When you ask most people who accomplished incredible things what made the most significant contribution, you’ll find a common answer:

Determination.

No one is determined all the time. We all suffer setbacks and moments of doubt. But we can nurture a determined spirit that carries us over the long term.

These are the habits shared by the most determined people:

1. Honour their commitments.

Commitments drive their lives, as does the need to follow through with what they said they would do.

They create commitments and do whatever it takes to fulfil these contracts and live with integrity.

They hire coaches to help maximise their support and accountability with commitments if they can.

2. Write their goals down.

The practice of physically writing goals down daily is a secret of the determined.

They know that the act of putting exciting targets down is invigorating and foundational to living one’s purpose.

Purpose is not lived tomorrow.

It is created today.

Writing sets this reality in motion, and keeps it moving.

Michael Neill described the power of goals in a way I loved: ‘creating goals help you fall more deeply in love with life.’

3. Prioritise the ‘non-negotiables.’

Many people burn out or quit because they neglect their need to maintain high energy levels.

We can become so focused on a target that we fail to care for what we need the most: our energised selves.

Determined people identify the essential habits they can’t go without. This might be a daily walk, reading for an hour, or meditation.

And they come FIRST.

Time is carved out on the calendar for non-negotiables before everything else. Your clients, your career - even your family - CAN NOT take precedence over your energy.

Do this, and you’ll have trouble putting your fire out.

4. Enjoyment-bias.

Find a way to enjoy things. It’s not about thinking positive - it’s about acting with less of the burden of negative thoughts that hold us back.

We gain an unfair advantage when we become intolerant of doubtful thoughts and instead turn to the present.

Those who can find a way to enjoy even the most menial of tasks have the advantage.

Confucius encapsulated the idea well:

‘Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.’

If you have the final say on whether you’ll enjoy something or not, you can’t lose.

5. Practice self-compassion.

Many of us feel continually burned out, wanting to curl up on the sofa every day by 3pm.

They wonder why they lack energy and never look to how they regard themselves in their heads.

They constantly beat themselves up and call themselves horrible names.

They are imposing their own limits, and this is felt physically.

Create space for compassion.

Forgive yourself.

Let go of the need to continually berate, and - like a sick stray dog you picked up from the street - you can bring yourself back to fighting strength.

6. Move before they feel ready.

Most people wait for motivation to strike, like lightning from a clear sky. The determined have figured out that motivation follows action, and almost never the other way around.

They start ugly. They show up confused. They do a terrible first attempt and come back the next day slightly less terrible.

There’s a reason determined people always seem to be ahead. They didn’t wait for permission or certainty or the right moment. They started while everyone else was still “thinking about it.”

Mel Robbins put it well: ‘You’re never going to feel like it.’

The gap between wanting something and doing something about it is measured in seconds. Determined people close that gap before their brain has time to talk them out of it.

7. Take note of their wins.

The advantage a determined person creates over the average Joe is measured in inches.

Writing down your wins at the end of the day or noting them in your mind before sleep will make an exponential difference over months and years.

You need to be the most fired up coach for yourself.

You’re not ‘above’ championing yourself - especially when everyone is preoccupied with themselves.

8. Make space for the quiet voice of inner wisdom.

There’s one thing that separates those energised for a day after a motivational talk by a guru and those who keep going and producing year after year.

What’s that? They cultivate a connection to their inner wisdom.

It’s there, and you can access it when you still the mind. Stuck people continually ruminate.

Free people let go and allow insight to come to them without effort.

9. Continually simplify.

I have spoken before about how specialisation isn’t always the answer - and that to immerse yourself in several skills is beneficial.

However, there’s a fine line between doing what’s right and taking on too much.

We can complicate our lives.

The determined are such because they prioritise clear goals and execute on the do-able.

You might dream the impossible - but we certainly can’t DO the impossible.

So make it easy for yourself. Reduce any unnecessary friction.

Take the next small step.

Being more determined than 95% of people requires a clear mind and healthy dollop of self-respect…

Learn the habits that build self-respect in tiny, achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

I’ve been to hell and back with anxiety.

This is what I’d tell others who want more ease and want to avoid all the mistakes and wasted time I endured to find peace.

Step 1. Understand what anxiety REALLY is.

Most of us struggle with stress and anxiety because we misunderstand it. We have social anxiety and say it’s ‘because other people scare me.’

Or we have stress in the office and say it’s ‘because my boss is an asshole.’

Nope. It’s all self-generated via the power of perception.

There’s nothing to be scared of ‘out there.’

All emotions reflect the state of our thoughts in each moment.

If we have an anxious thought, we will feel it as anxiety. My ‘Untethered Mind’ course shows you more about this.

Understanding that our emotions are always tied to thoughts is the first step to freedom.

Step 2. Stop identifying with ‘your anxiety.’

Next, let’s acknowledge the most common reason millions continue to suffer from anxiety, even if they’re spiritual as F and tried everything under the sun to ‘fix’ their problem.

(This held me back for years).

It’s simply this: they see themselves as an ‘anxious person.

‘Well, congratulations buttface, you’re going to remain anxious.

Today you need to do something seemingly drastic…

You’re going to stop identifying with ‘your anxiety.’ Remove that shit from your bio.

Stop telling everyone you’re anxious.

Acknowledge that you might occasionally FEEL anxiety, but that doesn’t mean you ARE anxious.

Shout ‘FUCK TO THE NO.’

Draw a line in the sand today.

Step 3. Do the dirty orangutan dance.

You just disidentified with your anxiety.

You didn’t think we’d move on without a celebration, did you?

You need to drop what you’re doing right now and perform disgraceful moves in a private place.

Gyrate like a wild degenerate primate with a lust for filth.

No one needs to see you.

This is for you.

Feel free to return here whenever you need a boost, and you feel stress coming on. Get loose physically and have fun.

That’s 82% of the solution right there.

Step 4. Three long breaths.

We can inadvertently fuel the flames of anxiety by breathing too fast or not at all.

Slowing your breath is your portal to relief any time you need it.

It’s a beautiful tool for slowing yourself physically, which will directly calm the mind too.

Take three long and shallow breaths through your nose down into your belly button right now. You will feel yourself calming down quickly and in real-time.

Step 5. Decide to pursue excellence.

Hey Frank, so you’re no longer an ‘anxious person’ huh?

Crazy what a single piece of writing can do.

Good for you.

You’ve just opened up space for other things. You certainly don’t want to fill that time with more Netflix-binging, stuffing your face hole with tootsie rolls.

No, no, no.

You must dedicate your new life to excellence.

Nothing soothes anxiety more than dropping your little bitch attitude and embodying what true success is for YOU.

Write down three enlivening goals for the end of this year.

What’s the relationship or job you really really want?

What’s your ideal day? What kind of person do you need to become to live an incredible life?

Locate your nuts.

Go there. Design it. Become that person today.

Step 6. Do an energy audit.

Check out this cool diagram I drew…

One of the things I do with all my clients is to have them draw up two simple columns:

1. things that drain my energy, and

2. things that boost my energy.

Fill it out with everything you can think of. An energised body is going to experience the least anxiety physically.

So bring awareness to where your energy is going.

Number the items in the list according to the level of impact.

Identify your number 1 consistent energy drain, and decide to eradicate it from your life today.

One thing to start. Go.

Step 7. Become the ‘Pied Piper of Joy.’

Anxiety is rife in those who see themselves as victims. You’re different.

Your new life is now dedicated to leadership — specifically leading others towards joy.

There’s a magic to turning your attention away from yourself (self-conscious) and redirecting it towards other people (leadership).

Your new objective is to help other people realise calm and joy.

You can do it as a coach, a parent, a creator, a teacher, or simply by soothing others when you meet them.

Your job is to make others feel good; to awaken them from numbness; to make them smile.

This will bring you calm like little else.

And it is from here that we finally get the chance to experience your brilliance.

—

Thanks for reading.

If you’d like to significantly UnF*CK your stress (regardless of your life situation) in the next couple of days, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to locked posts, more bonuses and to support my writing:

Who is human who hasn’t worried about money?

I have lost sleep and damaged my health over my concerns for money and my need for more.

I know what it feels like to be $40 from red with no money coming in for weeks.

I’ve gained and lost millions in the last few years. I’ve seen how fragile money can make me feel.

If you’re struggling with this — and I know many of you may be — these ideas helped me the most:

First of all, we need to address what’s most important right now: how your worrying about money affects you emotionally.

This is important because we need you to be your most creative, at ease and resourceful self.

Am I right?

This is impossible if you’re wound up tighter than a tin toy truck. So this is the link we need to see: worrying about money decreases your performance. Got it?

Let’s move on…

Let’s also acknowledge that you’re a human with doubts and worries and concerns.

You have a right to be.

But know that we don’t always do what’s best for us. Overthinking isn’t helping you, my friend. So your priority right now isn’t to make money. You need to take a walk. Exercise. Speak to a friend. Calm your mind.

Get into a mode of ‘non-forcing.’ You have time. You really do. This is where insights and solutions appear. They will come.

Next, we need to see how things are never as ‘bad’ as they seem. We are creating a frightening environment through the power of ugly thoughts.

Look around you now and see if you can let go of all judgement. Just observe. Let your shoulders drop. This is truth. Nothing can faze you in the present moment.

There are no ‘money-problems’ right here, right now.

This is your sanctuary. You lose valuable time with every minute you spend in shame or sorrow about your perceived ‘lack.’

You have pure power when you work with one thing at a time in the present moment.

As you let go of the illusion of the past and open up to a beautifully uncertain future, you feel your inner wisdom rise.

This is the strongest part of you — the part that knows exactly what to do next. Reconnect to this intelligence. Embody this part of you.

This was a huge realisation for me: we are less likely to go out and create money for ourselves when we tie its attainment to our self-worth. Money is a tool.

Nothing more.

You can see it as a reflection of the difference you are making in the world.

But it has nothing to do with you. If you are denied it by someone or lose it, nothing decreases in you.

Understanding this allows you to be bold with going out there and asking for it, pressure-free. You have nothing personal to lose.

Reflect on this for a moment.

Now we can start getting more practical. This is where your creative genius comes to the fore.

Get out a notepad and pen, loosen your mind, and start brainstorming all the ways you can think to generate money. Don’t self-censor. Just scribble. Let it flow out of you. What ethical services could you provide? Who has your money?

Who would you love to serve this week? With whom can you make an exchange today? What are some creative ways to use what you currently have to make money?

What can you sell today? Who do you need to speak with today? Have fun here.

Judge less. Include the zaniest shit you can think of.

Now, what strikes you as something that has the most leverage in this list — the most potential?

What will produce the most juice for the squeeze? What can you take action on first?

What’s the ONE item that — when acted on — could change everything for you quickly?

Now we’re on the rocket fuel, baby. It’s go time.

Next, we need you to find that strength and commit to taking action on this.

If you need money fast, we need you to live as though you are a hero in your own movie. It’s happening. Act with urgency and a delicious ferocity if you need to. Know that you can create anything you want.

Feel it rippling through you. Let that understanding inspire the shit out of you.

But don’t forget, you need only take one tiny step at a time, with your head out of worry and your attention hinged to the physics of action.

That’s it. One small thing at a time.

See what you can do.

See how easy it really is.

Surprise yourself with who you are.

If you’d like to significantly reduce any money stress (regardless of your life situation) in the next couple of days, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to locked posts, more bonuses and to support my writing:

Most of us have very little sense of our priorities.

We’re all over the place.

Enjoy this interactive mini listicle to make you more focused and zeroed in on the things that matter the most to you.

These are questions you can refer to as a daily habit to maintain laser-sharp focus (as they do mine):

• What 10 things must happen in my life before I die to be happy on my death bed?

• What are my top five 12-month goals?

• What are my top five 3-year goals?

• What are my top five 5-year goals?

• What are my top five 10-year goals?

• What five things must I avoid at all costs in my life? How will I ensure they don’t happen?

• What’s one thing I can do today to simplify my life by at least 5%?

• What five things will I ensure get done by the end of today, no matter what?

• What are the things I can create in batches to stay in flow and save time? When exactly do these get done each week?

• What is one bad habit that, were I to quit it forever, would have the most significant impact on my energy and/or productive output, more than any other change?

• What one habit will I replace this old bad habit with?

• What are 5 other things I need to quit or cut down that drain my time and energy the most?

• What’s one project or distraction I need to quit to improve my focus on my primary project?

• What is one skill I can sharpen that will propel me quickly toward my goals?

• Who is one person who could help me accelerate my progress to what I want the most? How will I hook up with them or someone like them?

Thank you, and onward!

If you’d like to significantly reduce your stress (regardless of your life situation) in the next couple of days, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to locked posts, more bonuses and to support my writing:

Subscribe now

Ever met someone who seems genuinely comfortable in their own skin?

I spent most of my twenties trying to earn that feeling through achievements and others’ approval, and it never worked because I was looking in the wrong place.

The people who actually like themselves don’t necessarily have better lives.

They have better habits.

Here are 13 of them:

1. Make something every day.

People who like themselves tend to create things, even if it’s just a few paragraphs of writing or a sketch on the back of a receipt.

Creating puts you in a position of agency rather than consumption. It has you contributing.

You can scroll for two hours and feel hollow, or you can make something - even something ugly - in twenty minutes and feel like a human again.

2. Stop being so available.

If you respond to every text instantly and show up for everyone without hesitation, you’re communicating that your time isn’t valuable and that you don’t have much going on.

Have things going on in your life, genuinely, and people will treat your time like it matters.

More importantly, you will too.

3. Move your body like you mean it.

This has nothing to do with looking a certain way.

People who like themselves treat their bodies like they belong to someone they respect, which means moving them with intention every single day.

A twenty-minute walk in the cold air will do more for your self-image than a week of positive affirmations.

4. Spend little time entertaining stressful thoughts.

Most people treat their stressful thoughts like facts, and they build entire days around their silly little worries.

People who like themselves have a looser relationship with their thinking because they’ve realised that stress isn’t created by circumstances but by the thoughts they attach meaning to.

When you see a stressful thought for what it is, just a thought, you can let it pass through without rearranging your whole day around it.

Happy people take their thinking less seriously.

5. Slow down a fraction.

When you rush, you signal to yourself and everyone around you that you’re on edge.

Slowing your movements, your speech, and even your breathing changes your self-image. You literally become a calm person.

Others sense it too, and they calm down around you because calm is contagious.

6. Create non-negotiable time for working on their dreams each day.

People who like themselves treat their creative ambitions like appointments they refuse to cancel, even if it’s only twenty minutes before the rest of the day takes over.

You have no excuses here.

The work you keep putting off is usually the work that matters most to you, and delaying it day after day is a form of slow self-betrayal.

Put it in the calendar and protect it. Your dreams deserve your attention.

7. Let go of hiding your flaws.

Most people are terrified of looking imperfect, so they hide their mistakes and pretend they’ve got it all figured out.

Doing this made me continually uptight and forgettable.

When you’re willing to admit a past failure or share something that makes you a little uncomfortable, people lean in because they see a human being, not a cardboard cutout.

Not feeling the need to hide all the time is also a huge, bloody relief.

8. Say no without explaining yourself.

Every time you say “yeah, ok” to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying “no” to yourself.

People who like themselves protect their energy because they know it’s finite.

You don’t owe anyone a three-paragraph justification for your boundaries. “No, I can’t make that work” is all it needs.

9. Refuse to tolerate drama.

Arguments are rarely rational, and they emerge from a childish need to be right that drains everyone involved.

If someone brings you prolonged negativity or disrespects you, staying calm is your first move.

But if the drama escalates, the most powerful response is to leave the room without another word, because your absence will be felt and your boundaries will be understood.

10. Spend time alone on purpose.

Most people avoid being alone with their own thoughts because the silence gets uncomfortable.

People who like themselves actually enjoy their own company, and that comfort radiates outward.

But you can’t like your own company if you never spend time alone with it.

Take yourself for a coffee. Go for a walk without your phone.

You’ll learn more about yourself in thirty minutes of quiet than in a week of socialising.

11. Stop seeking approval.

When your happiness depends on other people’s thoughts and actions, you’re in a precarious position because you feel good when they’re pleased and you crumble when they’re not.

Focus instead on being useful without expecting anything, and making others feel good. Admiration becomes a by-product rather than a goal.

This alone changed my entire social life.

12. Follow your weird.

Most people are running around trying to avoid appearing different so they can avoid the sting of perceived rejection.

But this will eat you from the inside because you’re not aligning with who you actually are.

Do more of what makes you yourself, even if it comes with an initial pang of discomfort.

The people worth keeping will love you for it.

13. Decide to enjoy it all.

This is the one most people miss entirely. You can do all the things above and still be miserable if you approach it all with grim determination.

People who actually like themselves have made a decision, somewhere along the way, that they’re going to enjoy being alive.

It sounds stupidly simple, but that decision is felt deeply after it’s made.

These habits feed a very real loop. When you act like someone who likes themselves, you start to see yourself that way, and then you take more actions that reflect that self-image.

And round and round.

If any of this landed, my book goes much deeper.

Grab The Art of Self-Respect special bonus bundle here.

You’ll get the full book in every digital format plus three bonus guides I don’t share anywhere else.

Alex

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to all the locked archives here, more bonuses and to support my writing:

Do you ever wonder why some people seem to command respect effortlessly while you’re still trying to prove yourself?

I spent years chasing validation from others, thinking that if I just worked harder, agreed more, and kept everyone happy, respect would follow.

It never did.

So I wrote The Art of Self-Respect to share the 25 habits that actually shifted things for me.

The core idea is that respect starts with how you treat yourself, which shapes how others respond to you.

Here are 8 lessons from the book:

1. Slow down a fraction.

When we rush, we signal that we’re on edge. We look like someone who doesn’t trust that things will work out.

Slowing your movements, your speech, and your breathing does something strange to your self-perception. You become more in control.

Others sense this, too. They calm down around you, and that commands authority.

2. Stop being so available.

If you respond to every text instantly and show up for everyone without hesitation, you’re communicating something.

You’re saying your time isn’t valuable. You’re saying you don’t have much going on.

Scarcity creates value. This applies to your presence, too.

Have things going on in your life (genuinely), and people will treat your time like it matters.

3. Expose some of your flaws.

Most people are terrified of looking imperfect. They hide their mistakes and pretend they’ve got it all figured out.

This always made me forgettable.

When you’re willing to admit a past failure or share something that makes you a little uncomfortable, people lean in. They see a human being, not a cardboard cut-out.

Vulnerability, done right, builds trust and connection.

4. Refuse to tolerate drama.

Arguments are rarely rational. They emerge from a childish need to be right, and they drain everyone involved.

If someone brings you prolonged negativity or disrespects you publicly, staying calm is your first move. Reacting aggressively only reveals your insecurities.

Sometimes the most powerful response is simply leaving the room without another word.

Your absence will be felt, and your boundaries will be understood.

5. Stop taking things personally.

We all have an image of who we think we are, and we defend it like it’s something we can touch.

It is not. It’s just a bundle of thoughts you’ve collected over the years.

When you realise there’s nothing solid to protect, you stop getting triggered by every perceived slight. You become lighter, more playful, and far less exhausting to be around.

People respect those who can laugh at themselves and let things roll off.

6. Stop being so nice.

Fake niceness is a form of manipulation. You’re pleasant because you want something in return, usually approval or safety from conflict.

People can sense this, even if they can’t name it. It doesn’t feel authentic because it isn’t.

Be kind when you mean it. Drop the forced smile when you don’t.

Authenticity, even when it’s a little uncomfortable, commands more respect than any performance.

7. Want it, but don’t need it.

It took me decades to realise that neediness pushes people away.

Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a sale, clinging to a specific outcome signals that you lack options.

You can absolutely want things. Goals are good. But your happiness shouldn’t depend on any single thing working out.

When you hold outcomes loosely, you relax. You perform better. And paradoxically, you become more likely to get what you want.

(It’s weirdly counterintuitive, but it works.)

8. Stop seeking approval.

This is the big one.

When your happiness depends on other people’s thoughts and actions, you’re in a precarious position. You feel good when they’re pleased, and you crumble when they’re not.

Seeking validation signals insecurity. People sense it, and it loses you respect.

Focus instead on being useful and genuine. When you stop trying to impress and start bringing real value, admiration becomes a by-product rather than a goal.

These ideas work because they feed a very real loop.

When you act like someone who respects themselves, you start to see yourself that way, and then you take more actions that reflect that self-image.

And round and round.

It’s a spiral that can go up or down depending on your habits.

If any of this landed, the book goes much deeper:

When you grab a copy of the book here today, you’ll get the full book in every digital format plus three bonus guides I don’t share anywhere else, including The 12 Habits of Mentally Strong People and Five Secret Truths About Uncommon Happiness.

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Alex

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It took me most of my 41 years to realise I was operating on outdated software.

I had downloaded a program into my mind as a boy.

As we all do.

It is the software that guides us in our early years. Most of us never see a system update before we hit the grave.

What’s its name?

‘People-Pleasing V 1.0.’

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There’s no better teacher than bouncing around like a wet poodle in the washing machine of life for several decades.

None of what I’m about to share with you was learned in a book, or a $599 online course.

Pain, regret, anger and a sprinkling of crippling shame brought me here.

Let’s go:

1. Th…

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Are you holding yourself back from ‘success?’

I’m not here to tell you what success should look like for you.

Maybe you want that mansion in the hills, but perhaps you’re content with a simple life and to be left alone.

Either way, I will do my best to help you find your way in a language that can be applied universally, whatever your aims and plans.

I’ve experienced relentless self-sabotage over the years. And I’ve seen it repeatedly appear in the hundreds I work with as a coach.

But I’ve also seen how incredible things are possible when we get out of our own way.

These are the subtle behaviours that can block you:

1. Expecting others to support you.

This isn’t a suggestion to never seek help.

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Everyone has phases where their energy drops. The first step in moving past your slump is accepting that it's completely normal.

Beyond this, these are some actions that helped me a great deal:

1. Take the pressure off.

I can bet you’re struggling more than you need to because of....you.

We all make our lives more serious than it needs to be.

Self-pressure via critical thoughts is the most common way we sabotage our progress and choke off our joy.

We entertain thoughts of what we ‘should’ do, which makes us stressed, blocking off our energy flows.

Do what needs to be done, as we discussed in the previous point, but don’t allow those things to bring you pressure.

Either act assertively on one thing or let go of the continual beratement.

2. Follow your inclinations.

Most of us run around from one thing to the next like a pinball, responding to everyone else’s ideas but our own.

You react to this and that, never stopping for a moment to listen to your internal voice. You’re anxious and running on adrenaline.

Slow down and allow your mind to still.

This is where your most profound wisdom is found.

Here, your tiniest inclinations will guide you to what is worth doing.

Listen to those sparks of self-generated excitement - they hold the most promise for you.

3. Do something hard you know you need to do.

I’ve learned to be guided by my energy levels over the years.

Something vital we often miss is that when we feel down or flat, it’s more often than not an indication that we’re not taking courage where we need to.

We’re neglecting something important. Our spirit slowly dies when we turn away from what we know we should do.

What are you ignoring?

Take a small step in that direction and notice your energy returning.

4. Spend a day doing nothing.

I bet you just had a moment of pure relief in seeing that this is even possible. Obviously, this is not possible for everyone, but do whatever is the next best.

Allow yourself a solid portion of time - a half-day, a weekend - to do nothing.

You’ll probably find that you can’t last an hour, and you’ll see that your enthusiasm comes back effortlessly just because you stopped trying to do anything for a moment.

You may find the ‘trying’ was the culprit all along.

5. Write an opportunity list.

This quick activity rarely fails to energise me.

Most of us don’t give this kind of thing the time of day, but it can make a massive difference.

Have fun brainstorming a fat list of all the opportunities you can think of for your life in the months ahead. This act puts you in the driver’s seat and gets you thinking creatively.

Creative thinking is the opposite of reactive, victim-based thinking that characterises people who experience long slumps.

What’s possible?

What is exciting?

Go further than sensible or ‘reasonable.’

What would the most confident, fearless, energised version of you choose to do?

6. Take five tiny actions.

I know from a lot of struggle that when I feel stuck and overwhelmed, it’s because I have a vision of a frightening future in my mind.

We can exhaust ourselves with the scale and size of everything we feel we ‘should’ do next. We see the need to climb Everest instead of walking to the next tree 10 metres away. Of course, we don’t want to move.

So envision your trees.

5 tiny actions. Write them down.

What are five super-easy steps you can do today?

This is how you take responsibility again and create momentum.

Soon you will be on the top of the mountain without realising how easy it was.

7. Go on a one or two-hour walk.

Walks rule.

They get you out of your head and into your physicality and surroundings.

This stills the mind so that you connect with resourceful insight effortlessly.

When I’m stuck or low, I walk. I no longer see long walks as a ‘nice option.’

Like Charles Dickens, who would walk five hours a day, I see them as a regular necessity.

Short walks solve 54% of your problems.

Long walks solve 89% of your problems.

8. Find a mentor

Few can do it all alone in whatever you’re looking to do.

In fact, you’d be crazy to try to take everything on by yourself without any guidance.

I’ve lost years of my life building things that failed because I didn’t take the time to ask someone who did it how they did it.

Finding a mentor doesn’t necessarily mean forking out thousands for a coach, though this can help propel you with the right person.

You can identify people who could help, find a way to help them collaboratively, and forge win-win relationships.

Why make endless mistakes when you can talk to people who already made those mistakes and have them show you the way?

Find one person to speak to today, and ask.

If you’d like to lift your vitality by significantly reducing your stress (regardless of your life situation) in the next couple of days, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

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