We’ve all lived long enough to know that hearing someone criticise us can hurt.

It can be felt like a punch to the stomach, making us want to hide and seethe and stew.

I’ve been criticised harshly for my looks, choices, spotty face, sporting mistakes, writing, art, dating skills, and opinions.

It always hurt.

For many of us, if this experience was particularly painful, we may have decided to avoid attracting criticism from others altogether.

There’s no way you’re going through that physical pain again.

So we avoid life, thinking we’re clever and wise.

But is avoiding criticism worth it if you miss out on living too?

What would that mean if we were to block off any potential rejections, hurtful comments, and disagreements from other humans?

It would mean never creating and publishing anything.

It would mean never making the first move.

It would mean cutting ourselves off from the world and all the opportunities hidden in its colourful and mysterious texture.

We can’t lean into our potential and bear its rewards if we don’t risk criticism.

Realising this, we can find a way to be thankful for the hurt we once felt.

It shows us we’re alive with a beating pulse.

A reminder that rejection is good.

It means we’re living and growing.

We can’t grow if we avoid judgement.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

The economy sucks, people are dicks, and life is hard.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t live the life you really want (even if you aren’t a bear).

1. Remind yourself frequently of where you want to go.

Many commit themselves to things they think they ‘should’ do but then burn out because it doesn’t allow for growth or expression in the long run.

Often the more ‘outlandish’ a goal the better because so few normies are focused here, and it’s more exciting for you.

Focus on what you would love to make happen, expect it to be occasionally hard, and keep an eye on this vision daily.

I often re-write my goals daily to maintain my vision in my head.

Read more

There’s this interesting thing people do - often as they get older.

Not all of us, but you see it in many.

We close doors to things in an attempt to simplify our lives.

We say, ‘I’m not going to go to conferences anymore.’

Door closed.

‘I’m not going to hot countries any more.’

Door closed.

‘I won’t go to dinner parties anymore. They’re silly.’

Another life thing closed.

But really, we’re doing it because those things make us uncomfortable.

And it’s not even that.

We do it because our thoughts about those things make us uncomfortable.

Challenging life events can often do this to us too.

Maybe you once had an unpleasant experience on a flight. You think about the event, and your visions about the turbulent journey make you feel uncomfortable.

You feel it as a mini-implosion in your chest and a warming of the cheeks.

So you want to live a life with less discomfort.

So you close doors.

‘No more flights for me.’

How clever you are.

But here’s the thing.

You saying NO to things that scare you limits you.

Doing this drains the colour from your life.

Doing this makes your world literally smaller.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about living an alive life - it’s knowing you can be free to wander the gloomy corridors of the world, even if you feel a bit icky.

You’re free to roam. You haven’t denied your ability to explore. You can talk to whomever you like and go where you want to go.

At least in most places.

You’re a wild adventure person.

This is living.

The more doors we close, the more restricted we make ourselves - both physically and psychologically.

The things we fear are almost always indicators:

They show us how to spark aliveness in us.

Scared to travel?

You must go, even if it starts with a walk to the local river.

Age is no reason to close doors.

We can always take small steps towards our fears, with our fears, in the arms of our fears.

When we begin to move and look directly and lucidly at the thing we fear...

We realise it was our greatest ally.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks in life: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I was not a good communicator for most of my life.

But whether through speaking or writing, we need to communicate well to influence and persuade others effectively.

People told me I needed to stop mumbling and listen better.

Starting out particularly awkward forced me to learn what I could about being better. I’m still learning, but I’m far better.

Here are some of the behaviours I see in the world’s best communicators:

1. Speak for your listener.

Many people lose their audience because they speak in a way they themselves understand, but their audience does not.

They use jargon, flamboyant words, and complex explanations that are at a different level to their listener’s comprehension.

A good communicator has a good sense of what their audience does and doesn’t know, and they will ask questions beforehand if necessary so that they know how to say it best.

2. Show empathy.

There’s a big difference between being a submissive and nodding donkey who agrees with everything others say and being empathetic.

When you demonstrate you can understand their perspective occasionally, even if it’s a simple: ‘I agree,’ you will disarm people, creating harmony.

3. Ask questions.

Questions do a couple of things.

Firstly, they demonstrate your interest in another person, which helps them feel respected and heard.

Secondly, they encourage the other person to share more. Hence, you gain more intel on their perspective, which allows you to build further empathy and ensures you steer clear of basing your communication on assumptions.

This also allows you to make your collaboration far more effective than butting heads and forcing your viewpoint on someone.

4. Properly listen.

Very few people truly listen.

Watch conversations others are having, and you’ll see most people are focused on what they’re saying and what to say next while sort of pretending to listen.

Great communicators rely on actually listening.

Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues.

Why?

Because now you’re talking with someone instead of talking at them.

5. Speak concisely.

Great communicators are conscious of adding unnecessary words and being long-winded.

They have also developed the habit of speaking clearly so others don’t have to keep asking them to repeat themselves.

They say more with fewer words.

They know their objective, get to the point and don’t ramble.

They prize impact and efficiency over making more noise.

6. Slow down and use silence.

Most people jabber on with pace, with no concern for the impact of their words.

They are concerned more with the fact they are talking than what the point of it all is.

Great speakers see speaking as a powerful tool, one that requires respect.

Speaking is seen as a craft to master.

With that, they are comfortable slowing down and using strategic silences to deliver a point.

7. Not self-conscious.

After you have read these tips, internalise them as best you can, but then let go of trying to remember them all when you’re communicating.

The best communicators aren’t thinking of how they’re coming across with intense self-awareness.

They are present and in flow, focused on what others are saying.

They have their attention on serving those they are communicating with.

They aren’t trying to think of the next clever thing to say.

They have faith that what they need to say will come up in the moment. This is far more likely to work for them when they are relaxed.

Again, this takes practice and regular exposure to opportunities for communicating.

8. Don’t interrupt.

Interrupting people is disrespectful and demonstrates we aren’t listening.

This not only means we have less information to inform a richer discussion, but it also sets the tone for an ongoing amateur communication style which can devolve into arguments and conflict.

9. Use respectful honesty.

Great communicators are willing to go to places that are a little uncomfortable.

This takes courage and garners respect.

But they are mindful of saying necessary things and coming from a place of genuine care for the listener, as opposed to a place of insecurity and a need to inflict harm on another.

This takes practice, but you want to prioritise being honest in your communications to develop confidence in yourself and your speaking power.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being more effective communicators: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be acknowledged in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I know what it’s like to feel uninspired and just plain icky.

Often, it’s because I skip vital yet simple habits that maintain my self-respect and enthusiasm for life.

Here are some quick habits that boost my self-confidence and keep me excited about life and work:

1. Learn something for at least 20 minutes and take notes.

Note-taking has been shown to better internalise the focus of study.

Whether via books, apps, videos, or courses, daily study shouldn’t end at University.

It’s a practice that can lead to exponential growth, especially when you go deep on a topic to develop mastery in something specific and helpful to the world.

Read more

It’s often thought that personality is something we’re born with. An unchanging, concrete aspect of who we are.

Some parts of personality are tied to genes, yes. But 95% of the rest of who we are and how we behave are rooted to how and what we think.

And we can live an entirely different experience depending on how we choose to use our thoughts.

The following thinking styles or mantras can change your life for the better:

1. I am unaffected by all outcomes.

One of the most attractive traits in a human is being OK with the outcome of things, regardless of what it is.

They are outcome-independent. When we can keep calm when things aren’t going our way, this garners respect because it brings harmony to (and diffuses) the situation. It is not always easy to do.

When we observe outcome independence as a daily habit, we find ourselves less stressed and more creative and respect ourselves more.

If something doesn’t work out, we shrug and move on.

2. Other people can do and be what they want to do.

If you want to be deeply stressed, try wishing other people did things differently.

This is inherently frustrating when we face a situation we want to change but know we can’t.

The solution? Realise it’s not on you to try to change anything or anyone.

The best you can do is accept that others will do things you disagree with and focus on developing yourself as best you can.

If you are a parent of children, for example, they don’t yet have complete agency; your influence is in your control.

But for everyone else, find the relief in knowing you can’t force others to do your bidding.

3. I’m OK with who I am right now.

Many of us go through life weighed down by insecurities.

These self-criticisms arose from others’ judgements, and mainly our own.

We bought into the significance of these assertions and perceived something to be ‘wrong’ with us.

But criticism can’t ever be tied to the truth because, by its very nature, criticism or judgement is a fabricated, human-made meaning.

In the absence of created meaning, there simply IS.

We simply are. We are OK. We aren’t good or bad. We’re just who we are.

And in the void left by criticism, self-compassion becomes our default.

To love who we are comes without effort or intervention.

4. I don’t need anything from anyone.

Why would you need something from anyone in particular?

Certainly, when it comes to psychological needs, no single other person has what we need.

We don’t need validation or respect or support. To experience love and admiration is nice, but we shouldn’t depend on this.

If we do, our happiness is instantly at the mercy of the choices and behaviours of other people.

This weakens us. It also comes off as needy, which distances others from us.

Yes, sometimes other people have what we want, especially in the material sense.

A bag of nails. A turnip. Some guidance.

And if they don’t, we can relax and find them in the hands of the next person that comes along. No big deal.

The same goes for needing anything else from any one person.

You need nothing. You’re free.

5. There is nothing anyone can say that I have a problem with.

But isn’t this a little nihilistic, Alex? A little passive?

What I am saying here is simply to emphasise the disconnect between the perceived meaning of someone’s words and your emotional state.

Untold misery arises from the belief that the two need to unite.

They don’t. What someone says is on them. They have their own subjective opinions.

Whether they are ‘right’ or wrong needn’t bother you. You are not here to argue. You are simply witnessing the verbalised thoughts of other humans.

Allow those thoughts to affect you, and you are not free.

6. I have everything I need to know in this moment.

Many of us — myself included — get nervous in anticipation of events that requires us to think on our feet (especially when the perceived stakes are high).

For example, going on a date or being invited to speak on a podcast. We want to succeed, but some of us lack faith in our ability to say the ‘right’ thing when we need to.

So we get anxious. What helped me a ton in situations like this was understanding this one thing:

We will know the words to say when we stop thinking we won’t know what to say.

We do know. When we relax and let go of pressuring ourselves, we open channels connecting us to our true intelligence.

To not get our pants in a twist around what to do or say is a form of faith, and it’s a powerful one.

If we start a new project or business, take it one step at a time.

You will be guided by this innate intelligence in the moment.

Have faith that what you need will appear to you as you need it.

And it will often surprise you and those around you.

What’s your favourite?

There’s one thing stopping most people from being more relaxed: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be less anxious in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

You can’t be seriously saying that tiny shifts in our behaviour make us instantly more creative?

Yes indeed.

Because creativity has far more to do with getting out of our own way than doing anything clever.

Creativity is closer than you think:

1. Practice non-resistance.

Do you ever get the sense that what you resist grows?

I resist this article I have to write because I’m not in the mood.

My frustration grows.

I close up, my creativity splutters and dies, and the article never gets done.

Do the opposite.

Open yourself to uncertainty. See what happens when you stop resisting.

2. Ask: ‘What’s interesting?’

Simple questions can propel you.

Questions are powerful because they direct our attention. When we point ourselves to things that prompt creativity, we can’t help but be instantly creative.

What’s interesting about that thing in front of you?

3. Slow your breathing.

Creativity is best served by a quiet mind.

To still the mind, one in which thoughts aren’t circling at 100 miles per hour, we can slow our breathing.

This, incidentally, is the way to reduce anxiety effectively too.

Slow your breathing, and your creativity will emerge.

4. Doodle.

Doing things is far better for encouraging creative insight and flow than thinking about doing things.

Instead of trying to force creativity, get out a pen and doodle weird shit on a page.

Let your hand flow like an ice skater possessed.

You’re in the act of unbridled creativity.

Exciting, huh?

5. Watch your sensations.

The most common response to discomfort or boredom is finding a way to escape the pain.

We scroll on our phones or throw on a movie. But this kills creativity instantly.

Creativity is born in space, silence and — often — feelings of boredom.

When we observe our emotions, instead of running from them, an interesting thing happens: they transmute from discomfort to creative insight.

Try it.

6. Ask, ‘What’s a problem I can solve?‘

Nothing cuts to the heart of creative energy like identifying problems.

Most people steer clear of problems and then wonder why they aren’t creative and energy-filled.

Find problems you or others are having, then get intentional about finding a solution.

Your brain will then immediately get to work.

7. See things as though you were born this morning.

Imagine you were born just a few hours ago.

How would you experience the world differently?

There’d be no pre-assigned language or labels. Look at the room around you through reborn eyes.

Now it’s all to play for.

Creativity flourishes where judgement is absent. What could this mean for your creative process?

8. Write total junk.

There’s something incredibly freeing about creative expression without the need to perform or produce something of brilliance.

When we allow ourselves to write any old shit, we loosen up.

We get into a flow that is more about movement than it is about doing anything the ‘right’ way.

This is gold for stimulating a creative mindset.

9. Drop your shoulders.

Like with slowing our breathing, there are things we can do to bring us back into our bodies and out of our heads.

We can sometimes get so wrapped in worry that we don’t realise how tight we are physically.

Dropping our shoulders and allowing our bodies to relax hijacks our minds and calms us down instantly.

10. Do nothing.

You serious, bro?

I sure am.

Often we stall our creativity simply because we’re trying things.

We reinforce the fact that we’re struggling when we try.

Stop. Let go for moment.

And do nothing at all.

What comes up comes up.

Creativity is a funny one.

It appears when we’re busy doing anything but trying to create.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being uncommonly creative: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be more creatively productive in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

One of the big lessons I learned after years and years of anxiety and personal insecurities was the power of habits.

Doing things repeatedly always leaves a groove.

Habits aren’t just for physical health and business growth.

Mental strength and the resulting experience of more calm result from healthy psychological ‘super habits.’

Here are a few:

1. Not buying into thoughts.

The most uptight people I know never received the memo that we needn’t believe (buy into) our thoughts.

Thoughts are illusions at best.

They are suggestions and approximations intended to help us make sense of our world.

Too many of us see them as some kind of matter-of-fact gospel.

They never were.

Your stressful thoughts don’t need to be taken seriously.

All there is is the calming beauty of the present moment.

2. Being conscious of incoming artificial dopamine spikers.

We need to be careful with things that unnaturally spike dopamine (our motivation hormone), like refined sugar and video games.

When we continually flood ourselves with cheap hits of this stuff, we lose our motivation and joy for natural inputs like walks and creativity.

It’s simply easier to feel good vibes more of the time when we’re not jacked up on artificial stimuli.

3. Are totally willing to have imperfect information.

One of the best sources of fear and stress comes from many of us wanting to know what the future will hold.

We get stressed because if we don’t know, we can’t possibly avoid all the mistakes we’re deathly scared to make. This comes out of insecurity. Relaxed people are tolerant of uncertainty.

They are OK with not having all the facts.

They have faith that their innate intelligence will be there for them when they need it.

It always shows up.

4. Nurture a preference for lucidity.

A common trait in worriers, depressed people, scaredy cats, addicts, and Doubting Debbies is a preference for escape.

They reject the reality of the present.

They figured a suitable coping strategy for the struggles of life was to get on outta there, sharpish.

They do this by hitching a ride on the magic carpets of thought, no matter how prickly.

They may also chug back a few beers daily to numb the hurt.

But the solution isn’t to run.

It’s to look directly at the thing you fear and, in doing so, sense an immediate fading of the ‘terror’ right then and there.

This is a practice. It’s a habit.

To return to what’s really really there, more often, more of the time.

To let go when you want to rage.

To be there with us.

Seeing things for what they are in full technicolour lucidity is your salvation.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being uncommonly calm: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’ve spent a sizeable chunk of my life uptight and nervous.

I get in my head, particularly when I believe I need to perform around other people, whether on a podcast, in a social setting, at a party or on a stage.

I’ve since overcome much of it by letting go of the need to be a certain way.

I also found compassion for myself because I could see I cared about making connections work.

Self-understanding like this helped a lot. People who are indifferent to the need to connect with others successfully are rarely nervous.

It’s also completely human to worry about shit like this.

Seeing that helped too. I used to think there were special hacks and mindsets I needed to adopt to be more chill and cool and funny and awesome.

Positive affirmations.

Imagine them naked.

Believe you’re confident.

Cherry-pick’ higher quality’ thoughts.

Read more

Laziness isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a label we apply to an act that appears to fall short of a particular activity level. Many of us call ourselves lazy. But this holds you back.

Here’s what you need to know to be less ‘lazy…’

1. You’re not lazy.

Just because you’ve been doing things that might be described as ‘lazy’ doesn’t mean you are a lazy person.

Who we are and what we do are very separate things.

Don’t define yourself by your actions.

If actions are the problem, those need addressing.

But if we make it about us, we lose hope.

Who we think we are can’t change - but we can change what we decide to do.

And actions will ultimately shift our perceived self-image.

2. You are likely sabotaging your energy levels.

Becoming motivated isn’t all about mindset.

And we aren’t supposed to lack energy. Humans are highly energised by default.

Most of it has to do with optimising your energy levels.

Most people who come to me and tell me they’re lazy are doing all kinds of shit limiting their energy - often without them even realising it. Here are some examples:

Too much fake dopamine, like playing video games, eating excessive sugar and watching porn.

This fries your dopamine sensors, making it difficult to be motivated for everyday things like writing and creating.

Eating processed food, sugar and wheat.

Sitting around all day and rarely exercising.

Eating food you are intolerant to, like gluten, which slows you.

Get real about the changes you need to make in your life.

Identify those things you think could be limiting your energy and take small steps to eradicate them so your energy and motivation return.

3. You must create momentum.

The most productive people who create in huge quantities tend to be masters at creating momentum.

Think about how you ride a bike.

At the start, turning the pedals and maintaining balance can be a push. It’s not easy.

After some wheel turns, momentum is on your side, balance becomes easy, and you’re flying.

The same applies to productivity and getting a handle on your ‘laziness.’

To create momentum, you must be willing to deal with the initial push, which might be felt as boredom or resistance.

You either sit with the boredom and wait for inspiration to strike, which can work.

Or you adopt a warrior’s pose, dive in head first and create momentum through gritted teeth.

Find the way that works for you and get moving.

Motion creates results.

4. It’s not you; it’s your system.

When it comes to being productive, most of us focus way too much on ourselves. We say:

‘Oh, I don’t think I have enough self-belief to do this, and so I’ll procrastinate.’

It’s not about you, num nuts.

You need a better, more appealing system.

We all have a system for the results we’re creating in our lives. It’s just that yours can be less than optimal.

If you aren’t getting stuff done, what is a system you can build that would ensure you do the right things?

Does it mean waking up earlier and reading for an hour before writing?

Does it mean getting an accountability partner? Does it mean exercising in the morning before working?

Your purpose will come into this too.

Do you have a clear reason for doing what you do?

Forget yourself and focus on creating a system that works for you.

That’s how to cure laziness…

And win.

There’s one thing stopping most from being more authentically energised: internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Ideas can make or break your progress.

Most of us think we’re struggling to find the best money-making system, and because we haven’t, that’s why we’re not making money.

In most cases, no.

It’s your mind that’s getting in the way. Your thinking can sabotage you from making good money, from youth to old age.

The following ideas can be repeated to open you up to money-creation in a healthy, fun and empowering way.

Let’s stack that paper:

1. I am ok with losing money.

Most people tie money to their self-worth. So they are terrified of losing it.

You can’t possibly make money if you can’t stomach the idea of losing money.

Making money always takes some degree of risk.

Embrace the idea that you’ll be just fine if you lose money.

2. Making money shows I’m making a difference.

When people pay you, they are essentially thanking you for improving their lives. Money is not evil. It is a sign you are improving the world.

The more you make, the more of a positive impact you make.

3. Who has my money?

When we get clear about the source of our money, we start getting creative about ways to exchange value for money with the right people.

Who are those people who stand to fall in love with the products and services you provide?

Where are they?

What do they look like?

How can you get in front of them?

4. I am at peace with making a shit ton of money.

Many of us create major conflict internally because we think there’s something tasteless about making it.

We are brought up to associate money-creation with greed. Up to you, but you’ll never create wealth that way.

How about seeing money as a tool to improve not only your own life, but the lives of those around you?

Money has the power to do this, and when you see it that way, it becomes a lot easier to want to make a lot of it.

5. Making lots of money is my duty.

No one gained anything from an unsold product or service.

The world lost when you didn’t create, share and sell your art.

No one gained from someone who stayed poor. Income changes lives and lifts people out of unnecessary hardship. When you provide a service, you change a life.

You’re changing lives when you bring in money to support, educate, nurture, and treat your family.

Everyone wins when you have more money that can be put towards a vital charity.

Making lots of money isn’t an option. It’s your duty.

6. Making money is easy.

You’re far more capable of making money than you think.

If you’re like most people, you’re continually in a panic about cash flow. If you lack money, you need to be creative, not stressed like a headless chicken on heroin.

Sit down, relax and reflect on this question: ‘If making money was easy for me, what would that look like?’ See what comes up.

Your mind is surprisingly resourceful when relaxed.

Brainstorm, write it down.

You will likely find many ways you can make money quickly and easily.

You can do more than you think.

7. I am not my money.

YOU have nothing to do with the amount of money you have.

The amount you have depends on what money-making activities you have incorporated into your life. That’s it. It has nothing to do with you personally, so stop making it about you.

You’re not weak because you don’t have much. Neither are you superior because you have millions. It’s all about your system.

So detach YOU from your money, and you will be far freer in creating it.

8. I enjoy the process of making money.

It’s easy to think that making money should be tedious and unpleasant.

We’re brought up associating stuffy work environments or painful back-breaking graft with making money.

But what if making money was enjoyable? What if you could enjoy making money even if you didn’t have all the answers all the time?

What if making a sale was fun because you knew the value your customer would receive?

When you know what good money can represent and don’t make it personal, money suddenly becomes interesting.

There’s one thing stopping most from being more of a money magnet: deep, internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Ever wonder why life seems to have given an indestructible quality to some people and not others?

Well, you’re in luck.

Here are some secrets that will have you laughing at fear like a samurai legend who just had his Weetabix..

1. Feel your way into uncertainty.

Most of us scaredycats think our way into an unknown future, take one sniff, and fuck off out of there sharpish.

Why?

Because we’re in our heads, listening to our bizarre opinions about what we think might happen.

They’re wrong.

Let go of these thoughts, and find a way to bring a sexy heat to your next steps.

You don’t wait for confidence; you move in a way that conjures it.

Reality always moulds to the shape you’ve chosen.

2. Unlock your belly.

Scared people miss a major trick by turning away from the physical solution to their woes.

They chew on clever ideas in their thick little skulls and wonder why they wake up in a sweat each night.

Hey Courtney, quit sulking, and take a look at what’s going on with you physically.

Free souls know that tension is mostly locked in the belly, so they address it as follows: They do a little jiggle, thrust their hips in and out like Elvis on speed, breathe in with thick, fruity gulps, and shudder that tension out.

Huge secret.

3. They reimagine themselves as heroes of their life story.

True badasses are rare because only a handful of us chose to live life as the main character.

That’s right, Jacob.

You could have been a hero, but you chose to moan about your Monday commute.

Kill your inner dweeb, stand tall, and decide to be a fucking hero.

Create that reality at each turn.

Every good story is packed full of conflict. Your life is no different.

Now you’re really IN it, and your challenges have meaning.

Life can be a cinematic thrill.

4. Get intimate with fear.

The most fearless people aren’t free of fear.

They’ve simply learned to open themselves physically to the feeling with less mental resistance.

What Charlie, the quivering dude at the back of the class calls fear, gorilla nuts Brad over there calls raw excitement.

It’s all about how we interpret our senses.

Become fearless by getting intimate with the feeling with less judgement and a weird sense of love.

Everything will change.

5. Dance with the devil.

Average Joes do whatever they can to make life free of yucky feelings.

But because they never take risks, they end up creating a life far more dangerous than they ever anticipated.

They never made the necessary moves to propel them out of the baaahing sheep masses — so they ended up feeding on scraps.

The fearless dive into scary shit as a safety measure, and this results in an enlivening upward spiral.

6. Address problems at the root.

Most of the world do this when they feel a twinge of discomfort: they try to fix it at the surface level.

They drink alcohol when they feel nervous.

They comfort eat when they get home after the new CEO looked at them funny.

Fearless people know that short-term pleasures are like spraying gasoline to douse flames.

Instead, they address the root and go for a walk.

They avoid temptations that make them feel worse and are rewarded with a steady flow of brass nuts energy.

7. Do fewer things masterfully.

Seemingly fearless people know this dirty secret: it’s near impossible to be scared when you’ve done the reps.

No one was born a magnificent TED speaker.

They decided to do something cool and committed to practising it. A lot.

This is why you get people who are the lamest nerds one year and a crowd-dazzler the next.

Make it easier on yourself.

Choose to focus on less,

And become so good you can’t wait for the world to experience your brilliance.

Now, listen in. These help, but there’s one thing stopping most from being a more effortless badass: deep, internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Have you ever done one of those online IQ tests or intelligence tests?

If you’ve ever re-taken the same test, you may have noticed it’s pretty easy to score higher once you’ve played the ‘game’ a few times.

Intelligence isn’t a number we’re handed at birth in an envelope.

There are various kinds of intelligence and some malleability to it.

Improving our intelligence requires understanding the game and forming good intelligence-boosting habits.

Here are some habits that raise your general intelligence:

Sleeping more than 7 hours per night.

Enough studies have been done to drill the point home that if you don’t get your Zs in each night, you become stupider.

Do what you can to get those 7–9 hours daily.

Head to pillow is time well spent when your mood, creativity and mental acuity multiply in your waking hours.

Read more

I’ve continually said that lasting freedom from unnecessary anxieties and social fears lies in developing a practice of letting go of unhelpful thoughts.

That’s foundational.

Sometimes, however, it helps to have more superficial ‘hacks’ in the toolbox, which we can use to loosen up as needed.

Here are some fun ones:

Slow down everything.

One of the best pieces of advice I got about social anxiety was to slow down my talking.

Nervousness can spark us into speeding things up to compensate for our feeling out of control.

Slowing down our speech, breath, and movements brings you into the present.

Take three long slow breaths, for example. It makes life easier because we do not have to process so much.

When we move slow, our thoughts slow too, which is vital because fast thoughts are at the heart of anxiety.

Imagine people as hairless chimps.

Or some variation on other people as less than frightening.

It’s a funny vision and one that’s not far from the truth.

How we see things has an immediate impact on our experience of others.

If we view people as dangerous sources of stress and judgement, we’ll feel the reality of those thoughts.

If we see that people are really harmless — as worried and flawed as you are — there’s a lot less to be concerned about.

Walk fractionally taller.

Small shifts can go a long way.

Our self-perception takes cues from our physical movements and stances. It’s a loop.

Walk and move as though you’re calm and happy.

Have fun with this. Be a little ridiculous.

Turn the confidence meter up and down and see how it makes you feel.

You can hijack your thinking and kickstart more positive thoughts without effort. It starts in your physical demeanour. Lean in.

Be the confident version of you without thinking about it, and that’s who you’ll be.

Stop trying to be confident.

The sheer act of ‘trying’ anything — trying to be someone you’re not — only emphasises the reality that you are not there yet.

Trying to do something ensures you will do it self-consciously.

Self-consciousness diminishes your performance instantly, which makes you less confident.

This is why you need to take advice on how to be confident with a pinch of salt.

Absorb the ideas and understand what confidence looks and feels like. But then drop it all.

Relax into not needing to do anything, and you will find your confidence flow out.

Find one thing you like about someone.

Many of us get socially anxious because we’re thinking obsessively about how we come across.

‘Do I look weird?’

‘Can they see my sweat?’

‘I just said something dumb — I knew it!’

Of course, you’ll be nervous when the spotlight is directly pointed at you, and you’re frying in the heat like a bug.

Change it around.

Ask the question — ‘what do I like about people/this person?’

This instantly gets you curious, with your attention elsewhere.

When attention is on something else, your anxiety drops.

Belly shuddering.

Many of our tension and — I believe — our worries — are trapped in the belly and hips.

We know this because it’s a normal human response to lock our stomachs when we feel scared as a safety mechanism to protect our guts from punches.

So we can create unnecessary tension when afraid.

This is the last thing you want because to be relaxed and creative and enjoy yourself requires looseness.

Find a moment to stand up, lean back and breath in and out of your belly. You’ll find it begins to shake as you breathe out.

Try different positions.

Shake your arms out. Dance.

Thrust your hips like a degenerate chimp on Spring Break.

Watch your tension release and your joy return.

Initiate more.

If we move through our day acting as though we’re trying to avoid human interaction like a frightened bunny rabbit, what does that do to our self-perception?

That’s right. It reinforces the reality that you’re not social.

None of us is not social. It’s in your head.

You need to start flexing that social muscle and shifting the image you have of being disconnected.

In fact, my nervousness around people growing up — I’ve since learned — is the direct result of me taking connection seriously. I wanted to connect.

I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be social. We all do.

So start taking small steps to become more social, like reaching out to people, starting conversations, complimenting people, and asking questions.

Take steps slowly if you need to.

Just send a text to start.

Re-ignite the interest and sense of connection you have for others. They’re not so bad.

Watch your confidence return.

It was there all along.

These help, but there’s one thing stopping most from being more effortlessly confident: internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

We’re all human and have phases where things can feel a little flat.

I’ve noticed it’s very easy to fall into these periods when we move through life unconsciously. We forget to take a step back for a moment to see things as they really are.

But this is the very thing we need to do if it seems like we’re butting up against a wall.

Awareness is the key.

Here’s how to create more awareness so that things become exciting again:

Identify your MAIN energy drain.

There’s always one thing that consistently drains our energy that we can pick out as currently more significant than the rest.

Maybe it’s a vice you run to for its short-term hit that ultimately makes you feel hollow and tired in the longer term.

It could be a friend you spend a lot of time with who is continually negative.

You might spend a lot of time churning on worrying thoughts.

It can take courage to confront what exactly this is, and it may take some reflection or note-taking to see what this is.

What is one (perhaps seemingly inescapable) burden that regularly shows up in your life?

Read more

Let’s jump right into this…

1. Be obsessed with doing things.

Most of the planet is obsessed.

But they’re obsessed with the world of illusion, hearsay, imagination and opinion.

Nothing is real here, and we can easily frighten ourselves when we spend considerable time in this space. Instead, be unreasonably biased to taking actions, even if they’re small and seemingly inconsequential.

Take note of the things that make you nervous, and immediately take small, do-able steps toward these fears.

Hey, Sally: Relentless action is the soothing balm to all your fears.

Read more

Life is rarely won in an overnight show of lights and splendour.

Instead, the real success follow months and years of accumulated actions, often small and seemingly insignificant.

The following are some examples that will not only bring you longer term success, but also add value to your day, right now:

Write down your top three most valuable tasks for this day.

Don’t just write them down, buttface.

Be clear when and how they will get done and then do them no matter what.

Walk at least 30 minutes.

The habit of non-strenuous movement through a town or a forest keeps you trim and creative, while also being a badass daily achievement to separate you from the slovenly fatso masses.

Read 5 pages of non-fiction.

Reading or listening to audiobooks will fuel your curiosity for the world which you can then pour into your own remarkable creative projects.

Write a note to three people.

Whether family or potential clients, getting into the habit of maintaining and expanding my network, even if it’s a simple DM, is one of my most cherished and impactful daily habits.

Stretch.

Few talk about the benefits of regular stretching.

It loosens you and relaxes you. It also improves circulation and all kinds of other cool mental shit.

Do this between 45-minute work sessions like you’re Deepak Chopra training for a showdown with Bruce Lee.

Replace worrying with weird, forced laughter.

Worrying is one of our biggest soul killers and it never does us any good. Try this.

When you feel worry coming on, and you have a strong urge to immerse yourself in negative thoughts, laugh.

Chuckle like a freak clown who’s just received his paycheck.

This trains the mind to associate worry with fun. You can’t lose.

Meditate for 5 minutes.

Each morning, I sit and watch my thoughts and my breath. That’s it.

This small act tames my circus chimp brain and connects me to my inner ancestral warrior wisdom.

Spend 2 minutes reading the tweets and newsletters of A Mathers (pronounced ‘may’thers).

This man is a walking legend and your life will dramatically improve simply by laying eyes on his words.

Spend 1 minute dancing like a degenerate koala bear on cheap acid.

A lot of your stresses are locked in your cardboard hips, so get moving fat ass.

Check over your key stats.

Key indicators aren’t just for billionaire Google execs.

You need to know your 3 or more trackable statistics that show you’re moving towards your goals. Spreadsheet that shit and do it with pride.

A big one for me is newsletter subs so I can continue to annoy you over there on yet another platform.

Get dressed.

As a functioning member of today’s homo sapien society, we need to cover our nude forms with an arrangement of colourful rags and textiles.

Last time I forgot to do this I made it halfway through town before I realised I had nothing but a shirt on.

My night in a cell that day reminded me of the significance of this habit.

Bite your tongue and don’t complain.

Complaining is for little girls who can’t find their doll’s missing parts.

Pointing out when something is wrong is a different thing entirely.

But complaining — even if it’s only in the mind — will pollute your energy and infect those around you.

This is a habit of subtraction and one that will raise your frequency and bring good things effortlessly into your life.

Apply these, smile, and your life will change.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being more energised: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’ve given many s#its about what people think all my life.

It made me depressed and attracted even more disrespect.

It never felt good, so I did everything possible to learn about not giving an F.

1. First, know that not giving an F is not about being anti-social.

It’s about accepting reality and being OK with it.

When we’re OK, we are happier, which benefits the people around us.

The version of you that doesn’t care is the version other people actually want around.

2. Let go of taking yourself so seriously.

Self-esteem is something you’ve made up in your head. Use your common sense, but don’t allow your need to look perfect pollute your joy.

No one looks dumber than someone trying very hard not to.

3. Put your attention on making others feel good and more empowered.

Now the attention is OFF you, and you’ll be less self-conscious.

Try it in a single conversation and watch how much lighter the room gets.

4. Know that people are just as weird, fucked up, and insecure as you.

No exceptions. NO exceptions.

We are all connected in this, and this is soothing.

The guy scowling at you over the counter is wondering if his shirt looks weird.

5. You will offend people no matter what stance you take.

Accept this, speak with heart, and learn to be OK with the reality that people will dislike you.

The day you accept this is the day you start saying anything worth hearing.

6. Your performance and flow go DOWN when you’re self-conscious.

The antidote to self-consciousness?

Stop trying anything. You don’t need a clever ‘mindset.’ You need to relax.

Watch a kid play. Nobody told them to be cool, and that’s exactly why they are.

7. Act the part.

Lean into the part of you unaffected by other people’s opinions of you.

You can find that side of you.

You need to be open to the idea that this part of you exists.

Imagine walking into a room where nobody in it could ever judge you.

8. The most relaxed people don’t care that they don’t have all the answers.

No one really knows shit. So stop preplanning.

Let it flow.

Let your creative wisdom rise up when you need it.

Some of my best lines have come out of my mouth a second before I knew I had them.

9. Treat your body better.

You can’t be at ease in your own skin when you treat your body like garbage and continually feel like trash.

You must do what you can to feel good and maintain a stable mood.

Move daily, drink water, and sleep at a sensible hour. Boring works.

10. Do nothing.

Too many gurus talk about all this stuff you need to think about when you’re in the moment.

That gets you out of the moment, dumb head. Relax and focus on being where you are.

Presence happens automatically when you stop chasing it.

11. Stop taking your thoughts seriously.

Thinking about what’s ‘wrong’ with you or how scary other people are makes it worse.

You’re reacting to your story about them, which is mostly fiction.

People are not scary. Your thoughts are. So ignore them, and face up to people…

Who are mostly as scared as you.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being calmer in themselves: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

They said it again.

A ripple of rage runs up your chest like a misplaced hamster.

Then it spreads to your neck and arms.

Your eyes dilate like you just took a lick of meth.

You could crush a skull right now.

Or maybe you’re angry at yourself again.

You keep doing it, and you said you wouldn’t, and now here you are feeling stupid. You could happily throw the table across the room.

Here’s the thing about anger. Regardless of where you think you might have picked up your rage, what we’re seeing when you feel angry is a response to a thought.

You don’t need to dive into your past and make friends with your inner child to move past anger.

Anger is simply an angry thought arising in the moment and acted on right now. And so, when we experience anger frequently, we’re seeing a pattern of thinking. Something that returns.

Over and over. And over. Anger is, in this way, a habit.

It has nothing to do with you as a person. You are not an angry person, so quit thinking that shit.

You have angry thoughts to which you’ve gotten into the habit of responding. You never take a breath.

You don’t create a sacred gap between the irritating vision in your mind’s eye and your compulsion to slam fists and yell.

. . .

When we see that the emotion of anger is the flip side of an angry thought, we’re a step closer to something magical.

A particular kind of control is within reach again. We’re the ones directing the show.

Not your irritating housemate. Not the dog who won’t stop barking. Not the impending bill.

We can choose to breathe and let go if the anger doesn’t serve. Or we can use it.

We can transmogrify into the battle-hardened outline of a warrior with a lust for blood.

Using anger in the form of positive aggression isn’t something many psychologists or gurus often talk about.

But this is how we can turn the excited energy that sits at the base of anger into a positive.

Many people have an angry thought and are sucked into the thought out of a bad habit.

They are seemingly controlled by their circumstances or their horrifying pasts, but really they are governed by their inability to let go of angry thoughts. They are a loose canon. They act out in violence without pause, like a child.

This is what it means to be controlled by anger.

But you’re different. While much of the world fear anger and cowers from it like pathetic, limp unwatered sunflowers, you have found a way to make anger work for you.

First of all, you must develop the gap.

The space between angry thoughts and the need to act the angry thought out. You must breathe.

When you nurture a large enough gap over time, you will rarely fall into the trap of being carried away in a rage.

That’s dumb and will put you and those around you in danger.

It takes awareness and continually redirecting your attention away from your mind and towards consciousness. Once you’re better at this, you can start dipping into those energy resources more practically and empoweringly. The wise use their aggression.

They carefully summon it as needed, like a sharp blade.

They make a plan, and they get excited about their futures again. Maybe they create a mission for themselves. To change.

They use what previously made them angry as a springboard.

They transmute potential rage energy into exciting projects, fitness and elite mastery.

As needed. Not because they have no choice.

That is controlled aggression.

It is to be used, honoured and savoured.

Because you’re human.

How can you redirect your anger today?

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being calmer in themselves: self-respect.

Anger is tied closely to a lack of it.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Rates of stress are seemingly going up for large numbers of people at an alarming rate.

But what is ‘stress’ really?

It’s a label.

Beneath the label, what are we looking at?

Is my stress the same as your stress? How would we know?

Stress can absolutely be felt as a negative experience, and it can and does have physical and health implications.

But at the heart of it all, we’re still dealing with our relationship with thoughts.

It may not seem like it, but stress is always emphasised at the level of perception.

Here are some ideas that, when absorbed, will directly influence the amount of stress you allow in:

• Stress is the feeling of tightness experienced in response to a stressful thought, not anything that happened ‘out there’ in your environment.

• Things that happen in your reality — whether a difficult family member or a frightening deadline — are all neutral concepts before we apply meaning to them via our thinking.

• We experience less stress when we see things exactly for what they are, without the labels we apply to them.

• Our thoughts directly influence our emotional experience.

• If we direct our thoughts away from things that create a feeling of stress, we will have less stress, regardless of what’s going on in your life.

• We are less stressed when we see the benefit of life’s challenges instead of the ‘pain.’

• Other people are only difficult when we believe them to be difficult.

• Feeling overwhelmed is the result of entertaining many worries in our minds. To feel calm is to instead focus on what’s right in front of you in the real world.

• We are more likely to worry and feel stressed when our bodies are out of balance, which comes mainly from processed food and not exercising enough.

• Short walks will solve 57% of your problems. Long walks will solve 86% of your problems.

• Accepting things for what they are, instead of wishing things were different will make you more relaxed, and therefore more creative and resourceful.

• Most of our stress comes from being overly self-conscious. This means your ‘cure’ for stress is to be outwardly focused.

• Putting your attention on making other people feel calm will bring you immediate relief.

• Few people realise the astonishing wealth of insight and intelligence that exists beneath our thoughts; when we let go; when our minds are still.

• To tap into our inner wisdom, we must be willing to stop forcing thought, and be ok in uncertainty.

That is when we are rewarded with the peace and effortless resourcefulness we were looking for all along.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being more energised: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—