Hey Malcolm, buddy, ‘stop taking life so seriously!’

Malcolm winced as he stared into his coffee.

He knew Daphne had a point.

He had to pinch himself because he’d forgotten again.

He’d been taking life seriously all week and had been walking around town like there was something firmly lodged up his backside.

He’d struggled to be productive at work, and now he was falling behind.

I agree with Daphne.

Being uptight reduces your effectiveness. It makes life miserable.

Here are some ways to loosen up:

Use struggle.

Didn’t you get the memo? Yup. It’s true.

Fussing and fighting aren’t the only ways to deal with life’s struggles.

There’s an option B.

This is the door most of us keep firmly shut. Option B asks: How can I use this struggle?

Now you’re in creativity territory - the realm of the wise and the god-like. Stop believing the hype that a little pain is all bad.

When you use struggle to improve your life, how can you fail?

Write out all your peeves.

Getting all those concerns out of your swirling mind is cathartic.

It separates you from your doubts.

We get overwhelmed when we fail to see the separation between our worries and ourselves.

We take things personally.

The way out is to express it.

Write it all down. Something will shift in you.

You will begin to see and think logically again.

Find the humour.

Become a world-class true detective…with you as the subject.

Become great at observing when you’re taking things seriously.

Your little brow is all furrowed. Life is too short for this.

Yes, shit happens. Tragedies happen.

But here’s the real, true deal: you are 100X less effective when you’re gripped by seriousness.

OH NO WILDFIRES AND SHIT. SOME DUDE DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. POLLY THE PARAKEET CHOKED ON A CRACKER.

We get it - it’s bad.

But if you let it influence your joy, you lose.

Woke news won. Find the humour in things where it’s appropriate.

Not all that much is as TERRIBLE DOO DOO as you make it.

For God’s sake, chill.

Work through your shame.

Many of us carry shame like an overloaded backpack on life’s long hike.

It makes us uptight and weird.

That thing we did in our youth still informs our current behaviours.

That’s some grade A silly. How to ‘work through your shame?’

You question your beliefs.

Find the thing you think you believe about yourself that you deep down know is bullshit.

Like, ‘I’m just not a very funny person.’ Question it.

Find four examples of things that disprove it.

Shame will diminish when your beliefs change.

Exercise daily.

I know. This one seems so obvious, but it makes all the difference.

When we sit about on our fat arses all day, we can’t be surprised if we feel frustrated.

This isn’t something you do once and then forget.

This is for life. Daily exercise stills the mind and lifts the spirits.

We’re the same humans essentially that roamed the Earth 150,000 years ago. They weren’t cooped up.

We were born to move and walk, so move.

Transcend personality.

Newsflash: Personality isn’t real.

We’re multifaceted beings. We have many personalities if anything.

The only reason it might seem like you have one stubborn personality is that you’re trapped by your thoughts.

You can be funny. You know this. You can be loud and crazy. You know this. You can be diligent and calm. You sure as SHIT know this too.

So stop Harry Houdini-ing yourself into one personality.

You’re free.

The way out? Doing things. Action will inform your identity.

And you can do whatever the heck you want.

Create maniacally.

If you feel stuck, it’s often your inner dragon’s attempt to tell you it’s time to stir life into that soulless corpse of yours.

You can do this through creative expression. The emphasis here is on movement and no holding back.

When we fear mistake-making, that’s when the game’s up.

You must create an environment that rewards stepping into uncertainty.

Paint more. Write more.

Focus on disgusting amounts of stuff.

Literally relax.

When Graham, the beefy dude at the beach says, ‘Just relax, man - take it easy dood,’ he’s talking pure sense.

It’s underrated.

You have the power to destress when you physically relax.

Slow your breathing. Talk slower. Let go a little.

Your thoughts will then follow.

Now you’re thinking clearly.

. . .

I hope this helped.

Much love,

Alex

Feel stressed more than you believe you should?

It’s time to return to your true, badass identity. Most stress comes from not respecting yourself enough.

I struggled with anxiety in my twenties, until I learned a handful of habits that shifted the way I viewed myself. It was surprisingly fast.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine calm and satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’ve said this to myself before.

I’ve said it many times.

Life can get dull.

It can feel like we’re going round and round in circles, paying bills, earning more to pay those bills, and no sign of this loop shifting.

I’d wager about 85% of adults think this thought frequently.

But notice how this thought makes you feel.

It diminishes us and emphasises the reality of this real-world horror movie.

It took me years to notice the divide.

Yes, the divide.

A very clear divide separates two mental approaches to work and life.

It took me some time to figure out how it worked, but over time it became clear.

And yet it requires continual reminding.

The first approach is the Outside-in approach.

Our feelings and subsequent behaviours are determined by our life situations.

Hard day at work? That’s why you feel drained.

Rainy day? That’s why you feel run down.

Some dick cut you off in traffic? That’s why you feel agitated right now.

Our inside experience is defined by our outside.

Most of the world thinks like this.

And they are dead wrong.

The second mental approach changed my life.

I don’t always think this way, but when I do, my creativity and performance lifts and expands like bread in the oven.

The second approach is the Inside-out approach.

Our thoughts create our reality.

Our outside is defined by our inside.

How can this be so? This some woo-woo magic nonsense, Alex - what do you mean?

Let’s use an example to show you how it works:

Jake’s boss fired him today. Jake was devastated and spent the next two weeks depressed.

In the next office, Sam’s boss also fired him today. But Sam was elated. He was going to quit but had held it off.

Being fired gave him the opportunity he needed to take action and find the job of his dreams.

Same external influence. Two entirely different emotional experiences.

Sam may have yet to consciously understand the two mental approaches at play. But his example demonstrates how the way we think about an event determines how we feel.

He felt good.

Jake felt terrible.

See how it’s all perception?

Our thoughts determine how we feel, and this colours our experience.

It’s like a new filter has been placed over our eyes.

Some might say our thoughts have the power to move mountains.

When we complain in our minds about how tedious everything is, what happens?

We feel the feeling of this thought.

And our feelings inform what our reality is like.

If we think we’re on a hamster wheel, we are literally creating a belief about reality that we - as humans - are obliged to confirm as real.

Our attention adapts itself to confirming the truth of this thought.

And so we inadvertently construct the reality we are complaining about.

External stimulus > Thought about it > Feeling about it > Reality conforms to the feeling.

Life gets better when we see the loop we create.

Seeing it can be all it takes to go from stuck and grey to vibrant and bright orange.

Act as if life is a wild, exciting and buzzing adventure.

You will soon feel the reality of this.

Your feeling will reinforce the thought, and the positive loop emerges.

You’re free to leave the hamster wheel any time you like.

What will you create instead?

Feel stressed more than you believe you should?

It’s time to return to your true, badass identity. Most stress comes from not respecting yourself enough.

I struggled with anxiety in my twenties, until I learned a handful of habits that shifted the way I viewed myself. It was surprisingly fast.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine calm and satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I was a pretty nervous dude in my youth.

But I’ve put a lot of time and energy into calming down.

Some stuff didn’t work at all and made me more uptight. But a lot did help.

Here are some things that I do that keep me pretty chill and enjoying life:

1. I focused more on work, projects and pursuits that brought me to life.

When I found myself in fascinating work like drawing and writing (and writing stuff I actually cared about), I was in flow more of the time.

This profoundly affected stilling my mind and transferring those high-energy effects to all areas of life.

2. I learned the subtle art of not being a little whiny bitch.

This sounds crass and awfully politically incorrect — and indeed, it is. But it also works.

Why?

Because it reflects wisdom that has travelled through the ages: when we stop focusing on what we dislike around us, practice non-resistance and just take action, we’re literally empowering ourselves.

Stop freaking whining.

3. I learned to take my thoughts less seriously.

I wish I had known earlier how much bollocks are contained in thoughts.

Too many of us take them as gospel truths on how life should be lived. How about no.

Thoughts are just approximations, and not ONE of them needs to be listened to.

I Incorporated more walking and weight-lifting into my week.

When I exercise, oxygen flows more effectively through my bloodstream.

Endorphins increase.

My mood lifts.

A week without exercise makes my body feel stagnant, and that’s when the stress and anxiety arise.

4. I stopped looking for validation from other people.

This need was rooted in a lie: that other people had the power to raise my self-esteem.

That’s total gobbledegook, and you need to stop thinking that shit.

The only validation you need is the compassion that arises naturally for yourself and others when you give less of a fuck.

5. I stopped caring about myself beyond the superficial.

Wait a minute, Alex.

What in the actual heck?

You heard it right.

I like to take care of my appearance, my general health, my hygiene, and buy decent clothes and that kind of stuff.

That’s essential self-care.

But beyond that, I make a point to THINK less of myself.

When there’s less of me to think of, my self-consciousness drops and my focus redirects to the stuff worth thinking about:

‘What can I create, and how can I help other people?’

6. I accepted all the stuff about me I didn’t like.

It’s possible.

This starts with forgiving yourself for what you perceived as ‘bad’ in your past. It wasn’t bad.

You just apply that thinking to what happened, making your present self feel like arse.

You did what you knew to be right at the time. Forgive yourself and move on.

That’s a huge weight off your back.

Next, accept yourself.

It is what it is.

Move on.

7. I understood the mind/tension connection.

This was huge for me.

The more we have on our minds, the more stress we feel.

You know this because you feel awful when the volume of thinking is high, like when you worry.

Most people attempt to use their thoughts to calm down.

They try to think positive thoughts.

They believe it’s relieved at the mindset level.

No. No, it isn’t.

The gateway to true calm is accessed through the physical: the body.

Relax the body, and your mind stills.

8. I saw the connection between consuming garbage and feeling terrible.

I still often eat garbage.

But I now know to expect to feel like warmed-up camel turds when I do so.

Understanding this makes all the difference.

I no longer need to worry about where my ‘depression’ comes from if I’ve just spent the last week smoking, watching porn and eating processed shite.

9. I took responsibility for everything.

Many people have questioned this move.

They say: ‘but Alex, I can’t be held responsible for the fighting in some distant land.’

Yes, yes, you can.

How?

Because your mind literally creates your entire reality.

This is powerful because if we take responsibility for what isn’t working, we’re in the driving seat of our lives.

We’re not a poor little floaty leaf struggling by.

We create it all.

Act like it.

Feel stressed more than you believe you should?

It’s time to return to your true, badass identity. Most stress comes from not respecting yourself enough.

I struggled with anxiety in my twenties, until I learned a handful of habits that shifted the way I viewed myself. It was surprisingly fast.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine calm and satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

We’re all dopamine zombies looking for that hit.

That’s why you’re here.

You love it when you come across a unique idea you may put into practice. Except many of us don’t. We’re just here for that hit.

What if I gave you some rather dull ideas for a change?

Maybe they’ll help you even more because they’re so simple anyone can do it.

That’s why they’re boring.

But could they change your life?

Read more

My best teacher in life was deep despair.

My anxiety showed me the light.

My insecurity pointed me further along.

My lessons come from pain.

That’s why I look back on my troubles with a kind of acceptance and grace.

Here are 11 things I learned to reduce or chop to enjoy the true sense of confidence I always had — often hidden:

1. Resisting reality.

This is a hard one because it almost feels built into us as humans.

We see something we don’t like, judge it, and resist it. Judging something as not good is good.

Otherwise, we can’t do what’s right. But to continue resisting reality only blocks your ability to do anything about anything.

And that’s why your confidence can’t emerge.

2. Spending too much time off purpose.

Take breaks, refresh. Yes.

But stop pissing around off purpose for more than a few hours each day. This happens when you forget your primary purpose. And that’s ok, you need to find it again.

Purpose can be as simple as:

What am I committed to creating within the next 90 days that the world NEEDS? That’s a fantastic purpose. Decide.

Now do more that moves you along, and stop allowing yourself to be distracted away from this purpose.

3. Complaining.

Sporadic moans are ok because they can be cathartic.

The difference is when you get into the habit of continually moaning throughout the day.

All this does is emphasise the reality that life is crappy.

4. Filling your body with garbage.

I know. It’s tough.

Junk is so tasty, so quick, and so easy.

But what helped me say no more often, so that my body wasn’t thrown into disarray, was realising that it was possible to feel AS good from resisting temptation as it was from succumbing TO temptation.

This applies to all bad habits that diminish your self-respect.

Don’t go there.

5. Self-censoring.

We hold ourselves back from truly expressing ourselves because we don’t want to offend others, and — ultimately — we don’t like to invite criticism.

We do this because we feel we have a SELF that needs protecting.

Bullshit of the millennia.

You don’t. Only skin, organs and bones.

You’re nothing.

And everything.

(At the level of universal stardust).

Being ok with making mistakes will take the pressure off you and allow you to relax into your most confident self. That’s what we all need.

And worrying about looking bad fucks that up royally.

What to do?

Operate from calm. You must calm down.

That’s when the real YOU wisdom comes through. That’s when you’ll be delivered with the right stuff from the right place.

The place of love.

6. Comparing yourself to others.

We’re all on our own path, with our own fantastically unique array of issues to contend with.

Marshall isn’t you. Neither is Miranda.

They have different minds, different environments, different mentors, different trajectories entirely. All you can now do, given this truth, is be inspired by them.

Or simply get your ass back to work and make it work for you.

7. Spreading yourself thin.

Confidence is about knowing you can contribute in a way few can.

That’s purpose.

And purpose stems from two things: knowing what you’re naturally good at and knowing what to focus on mastering.

This means doing more with less.

Yes, do many things to experiment and gather skills, but there’s a time to narrow down and decide.

8. Buying into self-critical thoughts.

People who struggle with insecurity aren’t responding to their environment.

They are living the reality of their painful thoughts.

No one knows you, so what others say and think can’t possibly be relevant.

Beyond that, you have your thoughts, and thoughts are illusions. You have a choice:

Believe them, or live.

9. Being a whiny little bitch

Don’t take this the wrong way.

I’m using language I know will draw your attention — because this is important.

It needs to be jarring.

So sue me.

You simply must stop positioning yourself as the poor widdle victim.

You’re not a freaking seven year old.

Grow up.

It’s for your own good.

You know you needed to hear that.

Suddenly you realise it’s all you.

You’re responsible. For everything.

Not the government or some faceless fucker in a suit.

It’s you.

But here is where real confidence is born.

10. Seeking external approval.

I get it.

It feels super nice when someone comes along and says:

‘Hey man, I just wanted to say you’re doing a great job; I’m inspired.’

Good.

Do more to attract more such comments.

But here’s the issue.

When your personal happiness RELIES on approval from others like this.

Now you’re stuck. Because as soon as someone comes along with a harsh comment, you have no foundation. You’re a leaf in the wind.

Require zero approval from anyone.

11. Seeking life balance.

Sorry, but life balance only exists as a theory in a book somewhere.

Life is chaos.

And the best things in life come from directing lots of imbalanced focus into something specific at the temporary expense of a handful of other things.

Then you return to that other neglected thing and realise how much you missed it. That’s life.

Confidence comes from creating remarkable things, which — in turn — need an out-of-balance level of attention.

Want to be the envy of your local area?

Then locate your nuts. They are there.

I was never particularly confident until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘confidence’ is more to do with finding your natural self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I learned over the years not to depend on external events for my happiness.

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that life needs to be somehow enjoyable or interesting for me to enjoy myself.

Thinking this can stress us because we’re at the mercy of things going right, which they often do not.

So how do ensure we live well?

We focus on repeating certain kinds of actions that reflect our own choice to live life well - regardless of the circumstances.

There’s a big difference there.

We create our reality.

We don’t wait for it.

Here are some fun habits that can make for a funner life:

1. Take action, regardless of how you feel.

Don’t wait to feel good before doing stuff.

Too many of us value our feelings as an indicator of what’s worth doing. You don’t need to feel good to act.

You must act regardless of the flatness, the fear or the frustration. Everything changes when you design a life biased to leaning in and doing things.

You become a doer overnight.

Now take it up a notch and do more. Now we’re cooking.

The momentum will fuel you.

Sparks fly. Don’t question it. Just do.

Now we begin to enjoy a life in motion.

We feel better, and more happens in our favour.

2. Simplify your life in one way daily.

Most of us take on too much, and we know it.

We accept too many engagements. We buy too much junk that we never use. We take on too many projects that send us spinning.

Good pruners manage beautiful gardens. So prune your life every day.

Take stock of one area of your life and identify one thing you can subtract.

What item in your house no longer ‘sparks joy’ that you barely use?

Get rid (This doesn’t include an unruly child).

The same applies to your business engagements, relationships and your bad habits. Find one thing that gets the chop.

Now give it hell…HIYAH!

Life is about continual simplification, not taking on more than necessary.

You’ll be far less stressed and more effective this way.

3. Speak out your challenges on audio or video.

One of the best habits I brought into my daily life was recording impromptu videos that I’d share on Youtube.

No script, nothing.

Often, I’d have no idea what to say before hitting record. I would frequently speak through whatever was bothering me the most that day.

It turns out that others were interested in tuning into hearing my solutions because they shared similar problems.

Vocalising our concerns in public is cathartic. I also find talking things through using ChatGPT’s voice mode similarly valuable.

Something happens in our psyche when we translate a swirling thought into verbal reverberations via vocals.

It helps us find solutions.

And it helps others too.

4. Find low dopamine forms of entertainment.

We all know that being glued to TikTok and video games aren’t doing us much good.

Being continually flooded with dopamine from artificial and cheap sources is screwing with our heads.

These pitiful platforms are engineered to hook you in like a hapless puppy looking for bacon.

Look to other sources of semi-passive entertainment like reading fiction, people-watching, doodling, sun-gazing, bird-watching, or just watching the ocean waves crash in.

There is immense power here because, as our minds still during these activities, we receive creative insights that nourish us.

5. Ask life-improving questions.

If we allow any old thought into our heads, and stew on those concerns, we lose control.

Take the power back by regularly asking soul-quenching questions that keep us on the right track: a creative and healthy track.

Ask questions like: ‘If I knew exactly how to solve my most pressing challenge, what ONE thing would I do to solve it today?’

You may surprise yourself by how many solutions are already shelved away in that thick noggin of yours.

Ask empowering questions.

Ask questions that prompt a life of intrigue and enjoyment.

You know the way.

Want to learn the 25 tiny habits that build rock-solid self-respect?

I was never particularly happy until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘happiness’ is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

We live in a world where everyone shouts to be heard and seen.

Like in any situation, there are always ways to take advantage, so everyone wins.

Going against the grain will give you momentum and is good for your mental health because you aren’t competing with the masses.

Here’s how to be different and nurture your air of mystery:

1. Be honest.

Most people jabber on about all kinds of junk, and a lot of that stuff is fabricated nonsense designed to fill awkward silences and embellish who they are.

Those who turn heads don’t speak as much as most and don’t reveal everything about themselves.

But when they do, it’s straight honesty.

Perhaps you take the courage to share what feels uncomfortable, or you’re willing to admit when you made a mistake.

This is refreshing and relieves stress because you aren’t walking around trying to cover up all the lies.

2. Slow to reveal.

Coughing out everything about you too early will be met as one would greet a cat’s hairball — indifference at best.

Create intrigue by holding back on sharing all your gripes, woes, stories and personal plans.

If others know it all, there’s no more incentive to want to find out more.

3. Do what you actually want to do.

Most people spend their lives doing things for others instead of for themselves.

The power to conform and seek approval is strong for many. But mysterious people buck this force and follow their strange.

They listen to their inner sub-woofer and do what intrigues them.

Follow your intrigue, and you will be intriguing.

4. Be curious.

Finding a genuine interest in others will set you apart.

There is value here because not only will this get you valuable intel about other people, which you can learn from, but it will place the attention away from you and onto others.

This keeps people guessing while poking their curiosity about you because you never asked for it.

5. Know your purpose.

We don’t always need a clearly verbalised life mission to act with purpose, but it might help to know what it is you are striving for.

You needn’t tell people what it is, but this awareness will enliven you, infuse assertiveness into your actions, and put a sparkle in your eye.

People will wonder what you’re up to and why you’re not always available.

6. Disappear occasionally.

Colour will drain from the vision people have of you if you’re always seen.

Mystery will fade if your ugly ass shows up in someone’s face at 9am sharp every day.

Strategically disappear occasionally.

Make people miss you.

Have others wonder about whether they offended you a little.

When you return, your presence will be a relief and a pleasant surprise.

7. Be a little mischievous.

While everyone else is on their best behaviour, desperately seeking validation and obsessively focused on avoiding offending others, you’re a cheeky little sprite.

This requires some finesse, but in a nutshell, it’s ok to occasionally tease, use a sprinkling of light-hearted humour, and to demonstrate that you’re enjoying yourself — which you are.

8. Let others discover you themselves.

It might strike you as a no-brainer to blurt out your recent achievements when given the opportunity, but that’s too easy.

Let others learn about your little successes and talents on their own or only after light prompting.

When they do, the effect will be felt with an extra dash of electricity, and their admiration for you will jump.

9. Tell people something they ‘don’t know’ about themselves.

In a similar vein to ‘cold-reading,’ adopt the persona of a magician with a vision and make some guesses about the kind of person you are with.

These needn’t be easily verified assertions, like someone’s place of birth, but rather, tell someone what you think they would enjoy that they haven’t yet tried, for example.

10. Be unexpected.

Earlier, we spoke about occasionally disappearing.

This is an excellent example of taking a pattern of expectation others have for you (showing up every day, for example) and switching it up. Be unexpected in other areas.

You may change the way you work or dress or the types of topics you write about.

You might give someone a surprise gift who least expects it. Have fun and mix things up.

This will create a delicious air of mystery around you to which people will be inexplicably drawn.

Want to learn the 25 tiny habits that build rock-sold self-respect?

I was never particularly happy until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘happiness’ is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Subscribe now

Gaining respect starts with respecting yourself.

Self-respect is routed to the actions and habits you take each day.

Even a tiny shift can change how you view yourself, how you hold yourself, and thus, how others also view you.

Try these:

1. Take 5% extra care for your appearance every morning.

Shave under your beard if you often miss that bit.

Iron your shirt. Clean the dirt off your boots.

What other small things can you do to improve your appearance just a little?

Small acts of care like this go way further than you might initially assume.

Taking responsibility in small ways will translate to big wins in other areas.

2. Master a mini-skill.

You may say you’re too busy to take on a side project.

But taking on a skill parallel to your primary career or skillset needn’t take lots of time and can yield incredible things for you.

We can pick something super-narrow that takes ten minutes a day.

Drawing, speaking on video, dancing, and playing chess.

You will give your mind a rest by focusing elsewhere, but you also gain skills that build your self-respect and provide value in the world.

3. Do not act or speak out of anger.

Some of the greatest tragedies have come from people’s inability to take a breath when angry.

The last thing you want to do when triggered is speak or act uncontrollably.

This may work in the heat of a battle, but in most cases, very little good comes out of acting in anger.

Remaining calm when upset will instil more confidence than you can imagine.

4. Stop interrupting others.

Why do people interrupt each other?

It comes across as disrespectful, but often the action is rooted in insecurity.

Have the confidence and courage to allow space to appear in conversations.

When you cut in, you seem childish and unable to control your impulses to speak.

Allow others to finish, and you will respect yourself most of all.

5. Spend a little less time stewing on setbacks.

Setbacks, or perceived failures, are inevitable.

But I emphasise ‘perceived’ because mistakes are always mistakes when we believe they are so.

Instead of creating more stress than needed, get into the habit of spending a little less time on the ground after you’ve been knocked over.

Getting up sooner and carrying on regardless of how you feel is one of the most powerful habits you can nurture.

6. Subtract one bad habit today.

There’s that thing you know makes you feel rotten when you do it.

Find your strength and delete it from your life today.

This small act won’t stop there.

The positive energy attached to this show of force will flood into other areas of your life.

7. Take a little extra care.

Many of us are unfulfilled and bored.

No one talks about this, but very little is because they have chosen the ‘wrong’ vocation or are in the wrong job.

Because they have no respect for the work, they block themselves from enjoying what they do.

When we take an extra level of care in all that we do, two things happen:

1. We enjoy ourselves and perform better at the task.

2. Life rewards us with upgrades, promotions, and new opportunities we’d have missed had we moped around half-heartedly.

No matter what you do, go all in.

8. Do more of what’s working.

It’s crazy how many people see success in their lives or businesses and then do nothing to exploit the win.

Identify what’s working for you right now.

Write down all the examples of this. You will find many.

When we succeed, we receive a very clear signal of the direction we can take.

How can you ensure you do more of what has shown to work?

Squeeze every last drop out of those things that are proven to work.

Be obsessed with identifying wins and doubling down on those wins.

That’s how you astound yourself and those around you.

Want to learn the 25 tiny habits that build even greater self-respect?

I was never particularly happy until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘happiness’ is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

The feeling of no longer having what you once had can range from frustration to a deep sense of grief.

One day it’s in your life, and then suddenly, it’s gone.

Maybe it was taken from you abruptly.

Or maybe you knew the end was coming, so you had time to anticipate the ‘no longer having.’

This may have made it easier. Or you may have suffered regardless.

Humans have struggled with losing things dear to them since sharing grassland with oversized sloths.

Some have allowed the pain to compound, twist and morph. They end up bitter, uptight and sluggish.

Others have found a way to manage - and even thrive.

The loss once hurt, but now it projects some colour.

What makes the difference?

Our interpretation of a loss can be felt as extreme and visceral physical pain.

This is the power of our thoughts.

We really do feel what we think.

In that order.

It’s instant. It’s a law of the Universe.

No exceptions.

Our thoughts can possess such weight and meaning they are felt like deep wounds.

The sting of another rejection.

The malaise after a breakup.

The grief of death.

Heavy.

Dark.

Despairing.

It can be harrowing.

I have felt pain from these things, though I can never say I shared the pain others felt because pain varies depending on the individual.

It varies depending on how someone regards and interacts with their thinking.

The fact we can all experience psychologically induced pain in different ways points to the heart of the solution.

Though it’s near impossible to avoid the hurt of losing a loved one, for example, we are still dealing with self-created pain.

And this pain is the same kind of pain as a seemingly “lesser” loss, though the effect is likely amplified.

This pain did not spring on us from a dark alley.

We were not attacked physically.

We responded to an event.

We applied a judgement to the event.

Meaning was born.

And then meaning was felt in our bones.

That’s how it works.

Exercising grief is understandable; it can be cathartic to express a loss for a while, depending on what happened.

But the more you can remind yourself that your thoughts of what happened are not the same as reality’s neutral and natural purity, the better you will manage.

When we judge a loss as a loss, we emphasise that loss. It is felt as pain.

The sooner we accept and de-energise these thoughts of loss, the better we manage.

We return to the lucid beauty of the present more of the time.

This has to happen at some point; the sooner, the better.

Finding the gleaming gem wrapped within the hardship will be even more powerful.

What did this teach you?

How did this bless you?

And yes, I know this is difficult if the loss was particularly cruel. But even that is a criticism you have applied to an otherwise judgement-free occurrence.

Life happens as it does. This is data.

Like a dead leaf floating down a stream, life happening is neither ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

Can you find the opportunity in the vacancy created by the lost thing?

Can you thank the person you lost?

They may energise you toward a new purpose.

They can energise you toward a new purpose.

You are flying on their wings.

Accept it when you can.

Now be thankful.

There is healing in a simple word of thanks.

Let go of thoughts of loss, and you will be OK.

Find the blessing in the loss, and you will thrive.

If this makes sense to you and you want to take mental resilience to the highest level…

You’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.

It guides you through an updated way of relating to your thoughts so regular optimism actually sticks for good, rather than a page of a book you forget.

Join over 230 happy students here.

Alex

—

There are no shortcuts in life.

This is true, but really it isn’t.

What am I talking about?

So you’re saying there are shortcuts?

Yes, I am.

How?

Because most people do things like most other people.

By simply doing the things most people don’t do, you’re taking a shortcut around the experiences suffered by many.

You aren’t most people, and you can realise this through your actions.

Here’s what I mean…

1. Ask for help at the top.

Very few people dare to ask for help, ideas or support, let alone ask people higher up the top of ‘the ladder.’

Making bold asks, whether it’s for mentorship, asking for a job or simply to make a connection with someone a little out of your league, may frequently be met with rejection.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally get what you ask for.

When you do, you’ll be propelled.

Read more

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying: ‘the quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.’

Our man Napoleon Hill and that other dude, James Allen of ‘As a Man Thinketh’ fame, were proponents of such a platitude.

It makes good enough sense.

If we think negative thoughts, our reality and perception will be tarnished. We focus on what isn’t working, making life seem bleak.

By this logic, if we think positive thoughts and continually steer our attention to what’s beautiful and great, our experience will reflect this.

Well, friend, I’m here to throw a big rusty spanner in the machine.

Having worked on myself and hundreds of clients over the years,

But this isn’t quite how it works.

Understanding that the quality of our experience is directly connected to our thoughts is a major step in the right direction for your mental wellness.

This is true.

Many people struggle because they overlook the significance of the role thoughts play in our experience. They assume their ‘difficult’ circumstances are what determines a difficult life.

Seeing that this is not true is the first step in experiencing more joy, creativity and peace more of the time.

Our thoughts absolutely determine the quality of our experience.

So, why am I saying that the QUALITY of our thoughts does NOT determine the quality of our lives?

Because of this one thing:

Our thoughts will be a mix of good and bad until the day we die.

We can’t change our thoughts at will.

But we CAN do this:

We can change how we interact with the range of thoughts that will come up.

Or better said, we can change the degree to which we let GO of our thoughts.

People who suffer and experience tons of stress have not internalised this yet. They see a stressful thought come up - as they inevitably do. But instead of letting it float by and returning to what they were doing...

They hook their grubby mits into the thought.

They assume the thought holds power and meaning, and significance.

It does not.

Your thoughts are a conveyor belt of visions, memories, suggestions, concepts.

Good and bad on loop.

Ethereal and ephemeral and ultimately meaningless.

Tools, maybe.

Meaning, no.

Fact, certainly not.

The truth - hell no.

So stop buying into them.

To have a good life, we need to develop the skill of healthy thought management.

It’s not about the quality of our thoughts that determines the quality of our lives.

It is about our ability to remain present and in action that does.

Let insights flow up without effort when relaxed. That’s how to benefit from our minds.

Use thoughts to plan, sure.

Just don’t get into the habit of the miserable masses, which is to buy into the false seriousness of thoughts.

No thought needs to be taken seriously.

And we don’t need to grit our teeth and think positive thoughts either.

Positive feelings will arise without effort when we’re in the flow of life.

All you need is to be here.

If this makes sense to you and you want to absorb this mindset for good…

You’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.

It guides you through an updated way of relating to your thoughts so it actually sticks for good, rather than a page of a book you forget.

Join over 230 happy students here.

Alex

—

Hey Derek, do you ever get bored, mate?

Nah, mate! I have YouTube videos to escape to!

Good for you, mate!

Thanks, mate!

…

See Exhibit A above - a recent conversation with my mate Derek.

In 2007, Derek was a prolific artist.

He’d knock the socks off people with glorious paintings featuring hamsters dressed up like real people.

But somewhere along the way, Derek lost his spark and his enthusiasm for creating much at all.

Now he does ‘just enough’ at his data-entry job to pay the bills. But most of his day is filled with catching up on his favourite gaming channels and giggling through the latest TikTok reels.

Good old Derek is rarely bored, you see.

And neither are millions of people across the planet, who clock up over five hours per day on their magical dopamine dispensers - also known as “smartphones.”

‘We’re not bored!’ Millions cry in unison, setting off several mini-tsunamis.

Mark SugarMountain rubs his hands together, overjoyed at the lack of boredom he sees in the people who have joined his Tech Tribe, now fully immersed in his Metascape.

The trouble with fewer bored people is we have more deluded and soft-minded humans.

These people may have found a way to avoid boredom, but they’ve paid for it with their productivity and resilience.

When we respond to discomfort with a heady cocktail of dopamine-spiking stimulations, we reinforce the reality that we aren’t much good at handling perceived hardship.

So when tough things do happen:

• We lose a pet parakeet to the bird flu;

• The food takes ages to arrive;

• Our smirking boss drops overtime work in our inbox;

• A man says a mean thing to us in the street;

• Our wi-fi signal drops to one bar;

• Or we’re tasked with using our creative capacity to write an article.

...We struggle.

We self-medicate further with food, games, pixel boobs, dopamine fixes and trips abroad.

So, Alex, what are you saying we do?

How do we get out of this pickle?

My answer: be ok with feeling bored. At least sometimes.

Re-introduce windows of controlled ‘boredom’ back into your life.

The discomfort resilience muscle has atrophied, but it can be strengthened again.

There is an untapped opportunity here, especially in this mad, busy world.

The next time you feel bored, become curious about the physical experience of boredom.

Watching our sensations of boredom does a cool thing:

Our stale, bored thinking is replaced by fresh thinking.

And this often happens quickly.

The feeling of boredom melts away.

Many want to escape, but not you.

Come back here and wait for a moment, will you?

Watch the feeling, the bored thinking dissolves, and you feel better.

Try it now.

You may now be rewarded with an interesting idea or insight.

By doing this regularly, you have two things that set you apart:

1. You are training yourself NOT to escape when you’re uncomfortable. You literally become more mentally resilient.

2. You become a creativity engine. This is not an understatement. People will watch you in awe and wonder why you’re so damn productive, coming up with all these kick-ass ideas.

You know the secret.

While Jessie, Derek, Carlos and Umbebwe scrambled to Netflix at the first sign of boredom,

You held fast.

You nudged shoulders with your new friend, Boredom.

Boredom acknowledged your friendship and gave the gift it was dying to share.

That’s how you continue to win.

—

Thanks for reading.

Want to learn 25 other habits that build even greater life satisfaction?

I was never particularly happy until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘happiness’ is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’m no perfect dude.

In fact, I’ve racked up a very healthy number of failures.

But for those, I’m thankful because a loss is the best way to learn.

Mistakes show us how to pivot and what to avoid in future.

Here are some of the most important ones I keep on my wall:

1. Not forgiving yourself or other people.

It may seem empowering to refuse to forgive yourself or others for what they did. But you’re the one who loses in the end.

The guilt and/or resentment will eat away at you, rendering you weak and fearful.

No matter what happened, you can forgive. It doesn’t mean you condone the event and support what they did.

It means you forgive what they did.

Everyone was doing their best given the state of their mind at the time. Forgive by seeing the compassionate side.

That will instantly take the emotional charge out of your memory of events and strengthen you.

2. Allowing two days to go by without 20 minutes+ of solid exercise.

We all know that we feel good after a good walk or a sweaty workout session.

But it’s also super easy to forget the benefit and come up with excuses to skip workouts for other ‘priorities.’

Don’t allow two days to go by without stringing together another session. The same applies to other good habits to stick to and bad habits to drop.

More than two days means you’ve officially slipped.

The momentum will begin to slide in the wrong direction, making it harder and harder to move with a purpose that strengthens you.

3. Reacting in thoughtless anger.

Responding in a rage to a perceived trigger without time to think can be embarrassing at best and devastating at worst.

You must control this aspect of your life. You’ve seen people lose their lives and careers because of this immature approach to emotional intelligence.

This differs from thoughtful and controlled aggression, which can move you forward and inspire people profoundly.

Learn to breathe when you’re angry, and do not flip out.

Meditation helps with this, as does bringing general awareness into your everyday activities.

4. Writing angry shit on the Internet.

You know what it’s like.

Someone says something you vehemently disagree with on Twitter, and you just HAVE to chime in with your put-down mini-argument.

Leave it alone.

This is always time poorly spent.

You don’t need to take the high horse.

You’ll typically end up looking childish and emotional, and you’ll be even angrier whether you get a response or not.

Leaving trollish comments can also lose you opportunities and jobs, not to mention your self-respect.

5. Indulging in bad habits as a solution to sadness.

I’m not the sort of Navy Seals drill sergeant who screams at you to quit all vices and short-term pleasures.

Have some ice cream and a Netflix binge session occasionally.

The problem I see is when we jump into unhealthy habits due to our emotional low.

For example, we can reward ourselves sometimes after a hard day’s work. But if you’re essentially self-medicating because you want to escape your sad thoughts, this is an issue.

This needs to be addressed through what I call ‘good habit bombardment.’

This means diving into so much action - whether through exercise, talking to friends, or being creative - that your sadness or frustration is suffocated.

6. Entertaining insecure thoughts for more than a few seconds.

We all know what it feels like to have anxious moments where we feed our thoughts of insecurity and self-doubt.

It makes us feel awful.

No matter how seemingly helpful worry seems, it must stop if it makes us feel low.

You must be ruthless about this.

Doubtful thinking is never time well spent. It literally makes us physically weaker and susceptible to illness. It holds us back from being and feeling confident. Doubts will inevitably arise.

But we have the power to turn away from those thoughts when they appear.

View them as suggestions from your mind.

Some thoughts are helpful, and others are not.

If it’s not, just say ‘nope’ and engage in something present, purposeful and creative.

This is a habit. It will develop your resilience and inner peace over time the more you let go.

You got this.

Want to be more lucky?

I was never lucky until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned luck is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, luck poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

People make snap judgements about who they think you are based on extremely subtle cues.

That’s how it is, but we can take advantage of this aspect of human nature.

Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability:

1. Straighten up your posture a fraction.

Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a sense of pride into your general demeanour will do two things.

Firstly, people will sense the difference and associate you with higher status, even if there’s nothing else contributing to this idea.

We’re still basically chimps in clothes.

The leader of the pack walks tall and a little slower.

Secondly, you will feel higher status, which creates a self-fulfilling loop of general badassery.

Walk tall.

Read more

I hate it when things don’t go to plan.

I said a thing without thinking it through, and now I regret it.

I didn’t get the client I wanted.

Views are down on my articles.

I have people close to me who are struggling with mental health problems.

There’s a sharp pain that shows up in my left shoulder blade.

But here’s the thing about all of these things:

Until you decide what to do with them, they have zero meaning.

They needn’t be the source of ongoing annoyance.

There is no meaning in losing a client.

There is no meaning in things not going to plan.

There’s no meaning in that sharp pain.

No meaning.

Only data.

Only the Universe breathing.

Only particles colliding.

How I respond to those things…

Now that’s where things get interesting.

A sentient being has developed the capacity to respond and apply meaning to things.

This is what makes us human.

The meaning was never there.

You gave the thing meaning.

How you respond to events in your life determines what kind of events they are to you.

So when we fuss and fight and resist, we emphasise the negative frequency of such an event.

We make it bad. And so we must deal with ‘bad.’

And bad makes us sluggish and tired.

But this opens the question:

Can we make it good?

We have the power to apply meaning to things, after all.

Can we make it good?

Not necessarily morally good, but good ‘I can work with this’ good.

Can we make it ‘good?’

Yes. Yes we can.

We do this by asking a question.

Like unsheathing a clear, sharp blade.

The question cuts straight through to what counts.

The question is:

‘How can I use this?’

Instantly an event that had the potential to cause pain,

Has the power to brighten one’s resolve.

Can you use the setback to prompt a new system?

Can you use the back pain to motivate you to do squats in the gym?

Can struggling family members inspire you to master an understanding of the mind?

How can you use this?

Alex

—

We’ve all lived long enough to know that hearing someone criticise us can hurt.

It can be felt like a punch to the stomach, making us want to hide and seethe and stew.

I’ve been criticised harshly for my looks, choices, spotty face, sporting mistakes, writing, art, dating skills, and opinions.

It always hurt.

For many of us, if this experience was particularly painful, we may have decided to avoid attracting criticism from others altogether.

There’s no way you’re going through that physical pain again.

So we avoid life, thinking we’re clever and wise.

But is avoiding criticism worth it if you miss out on living too?

What would that mean if we were to block off any potential rejections, hurtful comments, and disagreements from other humans?

It would mean never creating and publishing anything.

It would mean never making the first move.

It would mean cutting ourselves off from the world and all the opportunities hidden in its colourful and mysterious texture.

We can’t lean into our potential and bear its rewards if we don’t risk criticism.

Realising this, we can find a way to be thankful for the hurt we once felt.

It shows us we’re alive with a beating pulse.

A reminder that rejection is good.

It means we’re living and growing.

We can’t grow if we avoid judgement.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

The economy sucks, people are dicks, and life is hard.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t live the life you really want (even if you aren’t a bear).

1. Remind yourself frequently of where you want to go.

Many commit themselves to things they think they ‘should’ do but then burn out because it doesn’t allow for growth or expression in the long run.

Often the more ‘outlandish’ a goal the better because so few normies are focused here, and it’s more exciting for you.

Focus on what you would love to make happen, expect it to be occasionally hard, and keep an eye on this vision daily.

I often re-write my goals daily to maintain my vision in my head.

Read more

There’s this interesting thing people do - often as they get older.

Not all of us, but you see it in many.

We close doors to things in an attempt to simplify our lives.

We say, ‘I’m not going to go to conferences anymore.’

Door closed.

‘I’m not going to hot countries any more.’

Door closed.

‘I won’t go to dinner parties anymore. They’re silly.’

Another life thing closed.

But really, we’re doing it because those things make us uncomfortable.

And it’s not even that.

We do it because our thoughts about those things make us uncomfortable.

Challenging life events can often do this to us too.

Maybe you once had an unpleasant experience on a flight. You think about the event, and your visions about the turbulent journey make you feel uncomfortable.

You feel it as a mini-implosion in your chest and a warming of the cheeks.

So you want to live a life with less discomfort.

So you close doors.

‘No more flights for me.’

How clever you are.

But here’s the thing.

You saying NO to things that scare you limits you.

Doing this drains the colour from your life.

Doing this makes your world literally smaller.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about living an alive life - it’s knowing you can be free to wander the gloomy corridors of the world, even if you feel a bit icky.

You’re free to roam. You haven’t denied your ability to explore. You can talk to whomever you like and go where you want to go.

At least in most places.

You’re a wild adventure person.

This is living.

The more doors we close, the more restricted we make ourselves - both physically and psychologically.

The things we fear are almost always indicators:

They show us how to spark aliveness in us.

Scared to travel?

You must go, even if it starts with a walk to the local river.

Age is no reason to close doors.

We can always take small steps towards our fears, with our fears, in the arms of our fears.

When we begin to move and look directly and lucidly at the thing we fear...

We realise it was our greatest ally.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks in life: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I was not a good communicator for most of my life.

But whether through speaking or writing, we need to communicate well to influence and persuade others effectively.

People told me I needed to stop mumbling and listen better.

Starting out particularly awkward forced me to learn what I could about being better. I’m still learning, but I’m far better.

Here are some of the behaviours I see in the world’s best communicators:

1. Speak for your listener.

Many people lose their audience because they speak in a way they themselves understand, but their audience does not.

They use jargon, flamboyant words, and complex explanations that are at a different level to their listener’s comprehension.

A good communicator has a good sense of what their audience does and doesn’t know, and they will ask questions beforehand if necessary so that they know how to say it best.

2. Show empathy.

There’s a big difference between being a submissive and nodding donkey who agrees with everything others say and being empathetic.

When you demonstrate you can understand their perspective occasionally, even if it’s a simple: ‘I agree,’ you will disarm people, creating harmony.

3. Ask questions.

Questions do a couple of things.

Firstly, they demonstrate your interest in another person, which helps them feel respected and heard.

Secondly, they encourage the other person to share more. Hence, you gain more intel on their perspective, which allows you to build further empathy and ensures you steer clear of basing your communication on assumptions.

This also allows you to make your collaboration far more effective than butting heads and forcing your viewpoint on someone.

4. Properly listen.

Very few people truly listen.

Watch conversations others are having, and you’ll see most people are focused on what they’re saying and what to say next while sort of pretending to listen.

Great communicators rely on actually listening.

Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues.

Why?

Because now you’re talking with someone instead of talking at them.

5. Speak concisely.

Great communicators are conscious of adding unnecessary words and being long-winded.

They have also developed the habit of speaking clearly so others don’t have to keep asking them to repeat themselves.

They say more with fewer words.

They know their objective, get to the point and don’t ramble.

They prize impact and efficiency over making more noise.

6. Slow down and use silence.

Most people jabber on with pace, with no concern for the impact of their words.

They are concerned more with the fact they are talking than what the point of it all is.

Great speakers see speaking as a powerful tool, one that requires respect.

Speaking is seen as a craft to master.

With that, they are comfortable slowing down and using strategic silences to deliver a point.

7. Not self-conscious.

After you have read these tips, internalise them as best you can, but then let go of trying to remember them all when you’re communicating.

The best communicators aren’t thinking of how they’re coming across with intense self-awareness.

They are present and in flow, focused on what others are saying.

They have their attention on serving those they are communicating with.

They aren’t trying to think of the next clever thing to say.

They have faith that what they need to say will come up in the moment. This is far more likely to work for them when they are relaxed.

Again, this takes practice and regular exposure to opportunities for communicating.

8. Don’t interrupt.

Interrupting people is disrespectful and demonstrates we aren’t listening.

This not only means we have less information to inform a richer discussion, but it also sets the tone for an ongoing amateur communication style which can devolve into arguments and conflict.

9. Use respectful honesty.

Great communicators are willing to go to places that are a little uncomfortable.

This takes courage and garners respect.

But they are mindful of saying necessary things and coming from a place of genuine care for the listener, as opposed to a place of insecurity and a need to inflict harm on another.

This takes practice, but you want to prioritise being honest in your communications to develop confidence in yourself and your speaking power.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being more effective communicators: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be acknowledged in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

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I know what it’s like to feel uninspired and just plain icky.

Often, it’s because I skip vital yet simple habits that maintain my self-respect and enthusiasm for life.

Here are some quick habits that boost my self-confidence and keep me excited about life and work:

1. Learn something for at least 20 minutes and take notes.

Note-taking has been shown to better internalise the focus of study.

Whether via books, apps, videos, or courses, daily study shouldn’t end at University.

It’s a practice that can lead to exponential growth, especially when you go deep on a topic to develop mastery in something specific and helpful to the world.

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