Ever wonder why life seems to have given an indestructible quality to some people and not others?

Well, you’re in luck.

Here are some secrets that will have you laughing at fear like a samurai legend who just had his Weetabix..

1. Feel your way into uncertainty.

Most of us scaredycats think our way into an unknown future, take one sniff, and fuck off out of there sharpish.

Why?

Because we’re in our heads, listening to our bizarre opinions about what we think might happen.

They’re wrong.

Let go of these thoughts, and find a way to bring a sexy heat to your next steps.

You don’t wait for confidence; you move in a way that conjures it.

Reality always moulds to the shape you’ve chosen.

2. Unlock your belly.

Scared people miss a major trick by turning away from the physical solution to their woes.

They chew on clever ideas in their thick little skulls and wonder why they wake up in a sweat each night.

Hey Courtney, quit sulking, and take a look at what’s going on with you physically.

Free souls know that tension is mostly locked in the belly, so they address it as follows: They do a little jiggle, thrust their hips in and out like Elvis on speed, breathe in with thick, fruity gulps, and shudder that tension out.

Huge secret.

3. They reimagine themselves as heroes of their life story.

True badasses are rare because only a handful of us chose to live life as the main character.

That’s right, Jacob.

You could have been a hero, but you chose to moan about your Monday commute.

Kill your inner dweeb, stand tall, and decide to be a fucking hero.

Create that reality at each turn.

Every good story is packed full of conflict. Your life is no different.

Now you’re really IN it, and your challenges have meaning.

Life can be a cinematic thrill.

4. Get intimate with fear.

The most fearless people aren’t free of fear.

They’ve simply learned to open themselves physically to the feeling with less mental resistance.

What Charlie, the quivering dude at the back of the class calls fear, gorilla nuts Brad over there calls raw excitement.

It’s all about how we interpret our senses.

Become fearless by getting intimate with the feeling with less judgement and a weird sense of love.

Everything will change.

5. Dance with the devil.

Average Joes do whatever they can to make life free of yucky feelings.

But because they never take risks, they end up creating a life far more dangerous than they ever anticipated.

They never made the necessary moves to propel them out of the baaahing sheep masses — so they ended up feeding on scraps.

The fearless dive into scary shit as a safety measure, and this results in an enlivening upward spiral.

6. Address problems at the root.

Most of the world do this when they feel a twinge of discomfort: they try to fix it at the surface level.

They drink alcohol when they feel nervous.

They comfort eat when they get home after the new CEO looked at them funny.

Fearless people know that short-term pleasures are like spraying gasoline to douse flames.

Instead, they address the root and go for a walk.

They avoid temptations that make them feel worse and are rewarded with a steady flow of brass nuts energy.

7. Do fewer things masterfully.

Seemingly fearless people know this dirty secret: it’s near impossible to be scared when you’ve done the reps.

No one was born a magnificent TED speaker.

They decided to do something cool and committed to practising it. A lot.

This is why you get people who are the lamest nerds one year and a crowd-dazzler the next.

Make it easier on yourself.

Choose to focus on less,

And become so good you can’t wait for the world to experience your brilliance.

Now, listen in. These help, but there’s one thing stopping most from being a more effortless badass: deep, internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Have you ever done one of those online IQ tests or intelligence tests?

If you’ve ever re-taken the same test, you may have noticed it’s pretty easy to score higher once you’ve played the ‘game’ a few times.

Intelligence isn’t a number we’re handed at birth in an envelope.

There are various kinds of intelligence and some malleability to it.

Improving our intelligence requires understanding the game and forming good intelligence-boosting habits.

Here are some habits that raise your general intelligence:

Sleeping more than 7 hours per night.

Enough studies have been done to drill the point home that if you don’t get your Zs in each night, you become stupider.

Do what you can to get those 7–9 hours daily.

Head to pillow is time well spent when your mood, creativity and mental acuity multiply in your waking hours.

Read more

I’ve continually said that lasting freedom from unnecessary anxieties and social fears lies in developing a practice of letting go of unhelpful thoughts.

That’s foundational.

Sometimes, however, it helps to have more superficial ‘hacks’ in the toolbox, which we can use to loosen up as needed.

Here are some fun ones:

Slow down everything.

One of the best pieces of advice I got about social anxiety was to slow down my talking.

Nervousness can spark us into speeding things up to compensate for our feeling out of control.

Slowing down our speech, breath, and movements brings you into the present.

Take three long slow breaths, for example. It makes life easier because we do not have to process so much.

When we move slow, our thoughts slow too, which is vital because fast thoughts are at the heart of anxiety.

Imagine people as hairless chimps.

Or some variation on other people as less than frightening.

It’s a funny vision and one that’s not far from the truth.

How we see things has an immediate impact on our experience of others.

If we view people as dangerous sources of stress and judgement, we’ll feel the reality of those thoughts.

If we see that people are really harmless — as worried and flawed as you are — there’s a lot less to be concerned about.

Walk fractionally taller.

Small shifts can go a long way.

Our self-perception takes cues from our physical movements and stances. It’s a loop.

Walk and move as though you’re calm and happy.

Have fun with this. Be a little ridiculous.

Turn the confidence meter up and down and see how it makes you feel.

You can hijack your thinking and kickstart more positive thoughts without effort. It starts in your physical demeanour. Lean in.

Be the confident version of you without thinking about it, and that’s who you’ll be.

Stop trying to be confident.

The sheer act of ‘trying’ anything — trying to be someone you’re not — only emphasises the reality that you are not there yet.

Trying to do something ensures you will do it self-consciously.

Self-consciousness diminishes your performance instantly, which makes you less confident.

This is why you need to take advice on how to be confident with a pinch of salt.

Absorb the ideas and understand what confidence looks and feels like. But then drop it all.

Relax into not needing to do anything, and you will find your confidence flow out.

Find one thing you like about someone.

Many of us get socially anxious because we’re thinking obsessively about how we come across.

‘Do I look weird?’

‘Can they see my sweat?’

‘I just said something dumb — I knew it!’

Of course, you’ll be nervous when the spotlight is directly pointed at you, and you’re frying in the heat like a bug.

Change it around.

Ask the question — ‘what do I like about people/this person?’

This instantly gets you curious, with your attention elsewhere.

When attention is on something else, your anxiety drops.

Belly shuddering.

Many of our tension and — I believe — our worries — are trapped in the belly and hips.

We know this because it’s a normal human response to lock our stomachs when we feel scared as a safety mechanism to protect our guts from punches.

So we can create unnecessary tension when afraid.

This is the last thing you want because to be relaxed and creative and enjoy yourself requires looseness.

Find a moment to stand up, lean back and breath in and out of your belly. You’ll find it begins to shake as you breathe out.

Try different positions.

Shake your arms out. Dance.

Thrust your hips like a degenerate chimp on Spring Break.

Watch your tension release and your joy return.

Initiate more.

If we move through our day acting as though we’re trying to avoid human interaction like a frightened bunny rabbit, what does that do to our self-perception?

That’s right. It reinforces the reality that you’re not social.

None of us is not social. It’s in your head.

You need to start flexing that social muscle and shifting the image you have of being disconnected.

In fact, my nervousness around people growing up — I’ve since learned — is the direct result of me taking connection seriously. I wanted to connect.

I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be social. We all do.

So start taking small steps to become more social, like reaching out to people, starting conversations, complimenting people, and asking questions.

Take steps slowly if you need to.

Just send a text to start.

Re-ignite the interest and sense of connection you have for others. They’re not so bad.

Watch your confidence return.

It was there all along.

These help, but there’s one thing stopping most from being more effortlessly confident: internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

We’re all human and have phases where things can feel a little flat.

I’ve noticed it’s very easy to fall into these periods when we move through life unconsciously. We forget to take a step back for a moment to see things as they really are.

But this is the very thing we need to do if it seems like we’re butting up against a wall.

Awareness is the key.

Here’s how to create more awareness so that things become exciting again:

Identify your MAIN energy drain.

There’s always one thing that consistently drains our energy that we can pick out as currently more significant than the rest.

Maybe it’s a vice you run to for its short-term hit that ultimately makes you feel hollow and tired in the longer term.

It could be a friend you spend a lot of time with who is continually negative.

You might spend a lot of time churning on worrying thoughts.

It can take courage to confront what exactly this is, and it may take some reflection or note-taking to see what this is.

What is one (perhaps seemingly inescapable) burden that regularly shows up in your life?

Read more

Let’s jump right into this…

1. Be obsessed with doing things.

Most of the planet is obsessed.

But they’re obsessed with the world of illusion, hearsay, imagination and opinion.

Nothing is real here, and we can easily frighten ourselves when we spend considerable time in this space. Instead, be unreasonably biased to taking actions, even if they’re small and seemingly inconsequential.

Take note of the things that make you nervous, and immediately take small, do-able steps toward these fears.

Hey, Sally: Relentless action is the soothing balm to all your fears.

Read more

Life is rarely won in an overnight show of lights and splendour.

Instead, the real success follow months and years of accumulated actions, often small and seemingly insignificant.

The following are some examples that will not only bring you longer term success, but also add value to your day, right now:

Write down your top three most valuable tasks for this day.

Don’t just write them down, buttface.

Be clear when and how they will get done and then do them no matter what.

Walk at least 30 minutes.

The habit of non-strenuous movement through a town or a forest keeps you trim and creative, while also being a badass daily achievement to separate you from the slovenly fatso masses.

Read 5 pages of non-fiction.

Reading or listening to audiobooks will fuel your curiosity for the world which you can then pour into your own remarkable creative projects.

Write a note to three people.

Whether family or potential clients, getting into the habit of maintaining and expanding my network, even if it’s a simple DM, is one of my most cherished and impactful daily habits.

Stretch.

Few talk about the benefits of regular stretching.

It loosens you and relaxes you. It also improves circulation and all kinds of other cool mental shit.

Do this between 45-minute work sessions like you’re Deepak Chopra training for a showdown with Bruce Lee.

Replace worrying with weird, forced laughter.

Worrying is one of our biggest soul killers and it never does us any good. Try this.

When you feel worry coming on, and you have a strong urge to immerse yourself in negative thoughts, laugh.

Chuckle like a freak clown who’s just received his paycheck.

This trains the mind to associate worry with fun. You can’t lose.

Meditate for 5 minutes.

Each morning, I sit and watch my thoughts and my breath. That’s it.

This small act tames my circus chimp brain and connects me to my inner ancestral warrior wisdom.

Spend 2 minutes reading the tweets and newsletters of A Mathers (pronounced ‘may’thers).

This man is a walking legend and your life will dramatically improve simply by laying eyes on his words.

Spend 1 minute dancing like a degenerate koala bear on cheap acid.

A lot of your stresses are locked in your cardboard hips, so get moving fat ass.

Check over your key stats.

Key indicators aren’t just for billionaire Google execs.

You need to know your 3 or more trackable statistics that show you’re moving towards your goals. Spreadsheet that shit and do it with pride.

A big one for me is newsletter subs so I can continue to annoy you over there on yet another platform.

Get dressed.

As a functioning member of today’s homo sapien society, we need to cover our nude forms with an arrangement of colourful rags and textiles.

Last time I forgot to do this I made it halfway through town before I realised I had nothing but a shirt on.

My night in a cell that day reminded me of the significance of this habit.

Bite your tongue and don’t complain.

Complaining is for little girls who can’t find their doll’s missing parts.

Pointing out when something is wrong is a different thing entirely.

But complaining — even if it’s only in the mind — will pollute your energy and infect those around you.

This is a habit of subtraction and one that will raise your frequency and bring good things effortlessly into your life.

Apply these, smile, and your life will change.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being more energised: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’ve given many s#its about what people think all my life.

It made me depressed and attracted even more disrespect.

It never felt good, so I did everything possible to learn about not giving an F.

1. First, know that not giving an F is not about being anti-social.

It’s about accepting reality and being OK with it.

When we’re OK, we are happier, which benefits the people around us.

The version of you that doesn’t care is the version other people actually want around.

2. Let go of taking yourself so seriously.

Self-esteem is something you’ve made up in your head. Use your common sense, but don’t allow your need to look perfect pollute your joy.

No one looks dumber than someone trying very hard not to.

3. Put your attention on making others feel good and more empowered.

Now the attention is OFF you, and you’ll be less self-conscious.

Try it in a single conversation and watch how much lighter the room gets.

4. Know that people are just as weird, fucked up, and insecure as you.

No exceptions. NO exceptions.

We are all connected in this, and this is soothing.

The guy scowling at you over the counter is wondering if his shirt looks weird.

5. You will offend people no matter what stance you take.

Accept this, speak with heart, and learn to be OK with the reality that people will dislike you.

The day you accept this is the day you start saying anything worth hearing.

6. Your performance and flow go DOWN when you’re self-conscious.

The antidote to self-consciousness?

Stop trying anything. You don’t need a clever ‘mindset.’ You need to relax.

Watch a kid play. Nobody told them to be cool, and that’s exactly why they are.

7. Act the part.

Lean into the part of you unaffected by other people’s opinions of you.

You can find that side of you.

You need to be open to the idea that this part of you exists.

Imagine walking into a room where nobody in it could ever judge you.

8. The most relaxed people don’t care that they don’t have all the answers.

No one really knows shit. So stop preplanning.

Let it flow.

Let your creative wisdom rise up when you need it.

Some of my best lines have come out of my mouth a second before I knew I had them.

9. Treat your body better.

You can’t be at ease in your own skin when you treat your body like garbage and continually feel like trash.

You must do what you can to feel good and maintain a stable mood.

Move daily, drink water, and sleep at a sensible hour. Boring works.

10. Do nothing.

Too many gurus talk about all this stuff you need to think about when you’re in the moment.

That gets you out of the moment, dumb head. Relax and focus on being where you are.

Presence happens automatically when you stop chasing it.

11. Stop taking your thoughts seriously.

Thinking about what’s ‘wrong’ with you or how scary other people are makes it worse.

You’re reacting to your story about them, which is mostly fiction.

People are not scary. Your thoughts are. So ignore them, and face up to people…

Who are mostly as scared as you.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being calmer in themselves: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

They said it again.

A ripple of rage runs up your chest like a misplaced hamster.

Then it spreads to your neck and arms.

Your eyes dilate like you just took a lick of meth.

You could crush a skull right now.

Or maybe you’re angry at yourself again.

You keep doing it, and you said you wouldn’t, and now here you are feeling stupid. You could happily throw the table across the room.

Here’s the thing about anger. Regardless of where you think you might have picked up your rage, what we’re seeing when you feel angry is a response to a thought.

You don’t need to dive into your past and make friends with your inner child to move past anger.

Anger is simply an angry thought arising in the moment and acted on right now. And so, when we experience anger frequently, we’re seeing a pattern of thinking. Something that returns.

Over and over. And over. Anger is, in this way, a habit.

It has nothing to do with you as a person. You are not an angry person, so quit thinking that shit.

You have angry thoughts to which you’ve gotten into the habit of responding. You never take a breath.

You don’t create a sacred gap between the irritating vision in your mind’s eye and your compulsion to slam fists and yell.

. . .

When we see that the emotion of anger is the flip side of an angry thought, we’re a step closer to something magical.

A particular kind of control is within reach again. We’re the ones directing the show.

Not your irritating housemate. Not the dog who won’t stop barking. Not the impending bill.

We can choose to breathe and let go if the anger doesn’t serve. Or we can use it.

We can transmogrify into the battle-hardened outline of a warrior with a lust for blood.

Using anger in the form of positive aggression isn’t something many psychologists or gurus often talk about.

But this is how we can turn the excited energy that sits at the base of anger into a positive.

Many people have an angry thought and are sucked into the thought out of a bad habit.

They are seemingly controlled by their circumstances or their horrifying pasts, but really they are governed by their inability to let go of angry thoughts. They are a loose canon. They act out in violence without pause, like a child.

This is what it means to be controlled by anger.

But you’re different. While much of the world fear anger and cowers from it like pathetic, limp unwatered sunflowers, you have found a way to make anger work for you.

First of all, you must develop the gap.

The space between angry thoughts and the need to act the angry thought out. You must breathe.

When you nurture a large enough gap over time, you will rarely fall into the trap of being carried away in a rage.

That’s dumb and will put you and those around you in danger.

It takes awareness and continually redirecting your attention away from your mind and towards consciousness. Once you’re better at this, you can start dipping into those energy resources more practically and empoweringly. The wise use their aggression.

They carefully summon it as needed, like a sharp blade.

They make a plan, and they get excited about their futures again. Maybe they create a mission for themselves. To change.

They use what previously made them angry as a springboard.

They transmute potential rage energy into exciting projects, fitness and elite mastery.

As needed. Not because they have no choice.

That is controlled aggression.

It is to be used, honoured and savoured.

Because you’re human.

How can you redirect your anger today?

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being calmer in themselves: self-respect.

Anger is tied closely to a lack of it.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Rates of stress are seemingly going up for large numbers of people at an alarming rate.

But what is ‘stress’ really?

It’s a label.

Beneath the label, what are we looking at?

Is my stress the same as your stress? How would we know?

Stress can absolutely be felt as a negative experience, and it can and does have physical and health implications.

But at the heart of it all, we’re still dealing with our relationship with thoughts.

It may not seem like it, but stress is always emphasised at the level of perception.

Here are some ideas that, when absorbed, will directly influence the amount of stress you allow in:

• Stress is the feeling of tightness experienced in response to a stressful thought, not anything that happened ‘out there’ in your environment.

• Things that happen in your reality — whether a difficult family member or a frightening deadline — are all neutral concepts before we apply meaning to them via our thinking.

• We experience less stress when we see things exactly for what they are, without the labels we apply to them.

• Our thoughts directly influence our emotional experience.

• If we direct our thoughts away from things that create a feeling of stress, we will have less stress, regardless of what’s going on in your life.

• We are less stressed when we see the benefit of life’s challenges instead of the ‘pain.’

• Other people are only difficult when we believe them to be difficult.

• Feeling overwhelmed is the result of entertaining many worries in our minds. To feel calm is to instead focus on what’s right in front of you in the real world.

• We are more likely to worry and feel stressed when our bodies are out of balance, which comes mainly from processed food and not exercising enough.

• Short walks will solve 57% of your problems. Long walks will solve 86% of your problems.

• Accepting things for what they are, instead of wishing things were different will make you more relaxed, and therefore more creative and resourceful.

• Most of our stress comes from being overly self-conscious. This means your ‘cure’ for stress is to be outwardly focused.

• Putting your attention on making other people feel calm will bring you immediate relief.

• Few people realise the astonishing wealth of insight and intelligence that exists beneath our thoughts; when we let go; when our minds are still.

• To tap into our inner wisdom, we must be willing to stop forcing thought, and be ok in uncertainty.

That is when we are rewarded with the peace and effortless resourcefulness we were looking for all along.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being more energised: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

You’re not alone if you seem to waste time each day, even if you’re ambitious and want to get lots done.

Many of us could use some refreshing ideas on how to make the most of our time, like these:

Focus on your next three.

You’re holding the things you think you need to get done in your head all at once.

This overwhelms you. But it’s in the mind. In reality, all we ever have is the one thing right in front of us. So pay attention to the delicious beauty of the present moment.

Identify your next 1-3 priorities.

Don’t think them. Write the suckers down.

That’s all you need to know to have a fighting chance of being one of the most productive people you and I know.

Make friends with boredom.

So many of us get one whiff of boredom, break into a sweat, and immediately throw on Netflix.

Then we proudly shout from the rooftops: ‘I’m rarely bored! Look at me! I’m living my best life!’

Shut it, Sally.

You’re missing out on creating marvellous things for the world to enjoy.

Boredom is vital.

It’s the beginning of insight if you had the balls to sit with it for more than a second.

Breathe through the boredom. Be with the blank page.

Then watch as your creative juices transmorph from a crawl to a torrent.

Reconfirm your MacroVision.

A big issue with time-wasting is that we don’t know what on God’s Green Earth we’re supposed to be doing with our time.

Newsflash: neither does anyone else.

That shit isn’t coming to your door, gift-wrapped with a personal note from Jeff Bezos. You need to design your vision and check in with it daily.

So consider this: what are 5 super dope awesome things you’d LOVE to create within the next five years? Now you’re tapping into some soul shit.

This is nourishment.

Return here often, and you’ll grow to love that little rush you get behind your belly button because you’re working on something meaningful.

Optimise your mind.

What mumbo bullshit is Alex on about now?

I’m talking about becoming a king at getting out of the way of our own thoughts. It’s insane how much time we waste worrying.

Too many of us are continually bombarded by our lies, our stories and our insecure thoughts.

Stop allowing your thoughts to massage you into a worried stupor like a Thai woman looking for a happy ending.

To optimise your mind means understanding you can’t do anything about the stuff you can’t control.

It means getting into the badass habit of letting go of pesky thoughts that aren’t serving you and revisiting the flow of the moment.

Maintain steady blood sugar.

I dumped most of the carbs from my diet, including gluten, doughnuts and sugar. It’s amazing how this has impacted my energy levels.

Carbs that spike blood sugar make us all kinds of agitated and sleepy.

These daily ups and downs aren’t conducive to productive and sustained output.

It makes a huge difference. Know what you’re eating and what it’s doing to your insulin levels.

Now, for the most part, I have a steady flow of energy that enables me to do more without grinding my teeth.

Reduce the bad carbs at least, and see what this does for your energy.

Optimise your environment for focus.

When we optimise the mind, our energy goes up, and we use our time better because we’re not wound up.

In the same way, we can make significant changes to our environment to improve our focus.

Turning off all notifications is one tiny example of many. If it’s too hot, I end up procrastinating and feeling agitated.

List out five things in your environment that take away from your effectiveness.

You might be surprised at how much improves by subtracting those things that throw you off balance.

Get accountable.

Few things save time more effectively than making yourself accountable.

This means creating a strong, internal emotional pull to completing things.

We can be accountable to ourselves by writing down our goals for example.

More powerfully, we can hire a coach or work with an accountability partner to ensure we feel bad if we fail to show up and complete when we said we would.

‘Hey Jake, I’m going to write 1000 words every day for 30 days - you need to make sure I do.’ ‘Sure thing, Nathan, I’ll make sure you check in daily with me.’

Tick.

You can also announce your goals to the world, perhaps blog about them, and demonstrate your commitment.

Now you will find it difficult to hide when you said you’d appear.

Learn to love boldness.

The simple act of deciding to be bold will change everything.

I sometimes find myself in a wimpy decline wondering why I don’t feel like doing anything.

If my diet and sleep are sorted, the next thing to consider is if you’re on the back or front foot.

Most of us navigate life on the back foot.

We’re hesitant. We’re unsure. We rely on our feelings as guides.

Back foot living isn’t living.

It’s lame, and you will soon wither into a puddle.

Decide, right now, to live boldly.

Be assertive in all that you do. Throw yourself into everything with a disgusting level of gusto.

Do more. Stop succumbing to weakness even if it’s hard.

Those who adopt Mr bold bear as their spirit animal reap the rewards.

Take small steps to save time, so we can enjoy your impact.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from being more productive: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I have to admit, I’ve spent a pretty sizeable chunk of my life worrying about stuff I could have left alone.

I’ve learned much over the years about the most relaxed people I know.

I combined my fascination for human behaviour and my curiosity for living a calmer, more relaxed life,

If I had to distil it into a list…

1. Own their insecurities.

There’s no better way to develop unnecessary anxiety than by succumbing to the false idea that you have ‘insecurities’ that need hiding.

If we believe the idea that something’s ‘wrong’ with us, this is judgemental. This puts us under a lot of pressure — the exact opposite of calm.

Calm people accept their limitations, work on the things they can change and let go of the idea that there’s anything wrong.

Yes — it really is a case of letting go and developing the healthy habit of not continually berating ourselves for not being who we think we ‘should’ be.

Read more

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Untethered Mind.

Let’s roll...

• Personality is temporary and made up. You can be who you want to be.

• No one has the power to lower your self-esteem because self-esteem is an illusion.

• Rejection is a sign you are growing and living. It’s not a big deal.

• Your thoughts create stress, not the world around you. It may seem like it does, but the pain comes from you. Let go.

• You are much more effective when you aren’t thinking so much.

• Slow your breath to slow your thoughts.

• Slow your talking and your movements to calm down.

• Exercise more than most, and you will be calmer (and stronger) than most.

• Walk at least 3000 steps every day without headphones.

• You feel what you eat. Eat junk, and you will feel like junk, so choose wisely.

• You are already confident; you just think you’re not.

• The more you act, the more confident you will feel.

• There is power and joy in the present moment. It’s all you have. Your advantage is in the present, always.

• Learn about spirituality and becoming more conscious today - start with reading the Power of Now.

• Create something every day. It will revitalize you.

• It may seem as though worry is helpful, but it absolutely isn’t. Every minute spent worrying is making you feel worse.

• Choose happiness, don’t wait for it.

• Don’t expect others to make you happy. Don’t expect anything from anyone, in fact.

• Blaming others for anything only makes you more miserable and weaker.

• Be self-reliant and revel in your progression here, but don’t detach from people.

• Feel better about yourself by focusing on making others happy. Think less about yourself.

• No one judges you as much as you think. They are preoccupied with their own insecurities.

• Struggle is part of life, but most of us make up what struggle is. Expect it and own it.

• Finally, know that life can be a wonderful experience. It needn’t be a constant struggle.

You can turn around a bad day instantly because of who you are and the strength you can easily access.

We are allowed to have fun every single day.

Don’t allow your thoughts or someone else to take that from you.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from feeling better about themselves: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I've read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

What does ‘success’ mean to you?

It is obviously subjective. But the strategies we can use to find our own versions of success share similarities.

Not all the best ideas are in your favourite self-help book, though.

Untethered Mind by Alex Mathers is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Some of them are right here…

1. Law of Enjoyment.

No matter how seemingly tedious or ugly the task, you can find a way to enjoy what you’re doing.

This is made possible through slowing down, being present, and relishing the finer details in the work.

What advantage could this create for you?

Read more

Ever get frustrated that people don’t seem to pay you attention?

I’ve been there many times, and it sucks.

That’s why I’ve spent years studying the art of authority, communication and leadership. I’ve also learned a ton as a coach, working with hundreds of people in direct conversation.

The skill of garnering rapt attention to what you’re saying is becoming rare, but it will help you make a tremendous impact in the world.

Here’s how to ensure people take note, prick their ears, and listen up:

Make your words count.

Don’t dilute the power and meaning behind your words by saying more than you need.

When we use more words than is necessary to make a point, the value of any one word diminishes.

Measured, controlled talking makes people hang on to your words because they know they are scarce, and scarcity is valuable.

Don’t get angry or overly emotional.

Did you ever try to get someone to do what you wanted by raising your voice, shouting or acting out of annoyed aggression?

Unlikely. People resist anger because it is not controlled. It reflects a chaotic and insecure state, which others can’t respect.

If you’re triggered, take a breath, and always speak from a place of measured calm.

In a panel debate, the most erratically emotional speaker rarely garners the most attention and respect.

Speak slower.

There is a place for faster talking if the person you are with has a higher rate of speaking.

You might do this to align your tempo to maintain rapport. But usually, speaking fast reflects imbalance.

You’re rushing your words out of insecurity or an unwillingness to be in the spotlight. Respected speakers take their time.

They own their space.

This emphasises their higher status in the room, and people will respond accordingly.

Embrace silences and create space.

Most people are terrified of seemingly awkward silences in conversations.

They um and ahh their way through, fidgeting should any pause longer than a second arise. But is this lack of surety and discomfort the foundation for developing a beautiful discussion?

Be different, and find a way to make peace with silence.

As many assume, this doesn’t show a lack of intelligence; it emphasises your strength.

You need to set the frame and demonstrate that quiet periods are ok. They add to the electricity running through the connection.

Watch some of the best speakers and notice how many are ok with long pauses.

This attracts respect and attention.

Don’t ramble.

Like talking more than you need to, rambling takes this to another level.

If you ramble in many different directions, you’re not a flawed human, but it will affect the degree to which people are willing to listen.

Rambling shows that you can’t focus on a single point and deliver your response with clarity. It also communicates a lack of surety in what you’re saying.

It’s harder for the listener to hone in on the multitude of disparate points you make, so they are far less likely to listen after a point.

This takes practice and awareness. Stick to the point.

Listen to others.

To expect rapt attention from another, you can’t be the guy blabbering continually without really listening to the other person.

When we direct our attention to listening - like really ACTUALLY listening - we become less self-conscious, which builds calm and confidence in us.

But it will also be felt by the other person, ensuring they don’t sit there stewing with resentment that you ignored them.

They, too, will reciprocate and listen to you when it’s your turn to speak.

Communicate your boundaries.

We’re subtly communicating our tolerance to disrespect in everything we do.

If we’re in a conversation and allow others to butt in or talk over us continually, we sub-communicate a tolerance for disrespect.

So what do you do? You continue speaking assertively if someone is trying to cut in.

If that isn’t having an effect, be bold and calmly tell them that you’d appreciate them allowing you to finish a sentence.

Be upfront about this, and don’t cower to avoid ‘rocking the boat’.

This will garner respect.

Speak boldly but don’t shout.

Those who command attention in a room speak with little hesitation in their words.

This doesn’t mean you need to raise your voice. It means speaking with confidence behind what you’re saying.

Even if you aren’t sure what you’re saying, you need to lean in and say it like you mean it. Hesitant speaking and language will signal a lack of faith in your words and fall on deaf ears.

Strong speaking is less about what you say and far more about how you say it.

Use decisive language.

The words and phrases we choose to make our points make a significant difference.

If we lead our opinions with phrases like: ‘I’m pretty sure,’ ‘I feel,’ ‘I kinda think,’ ‘I guess,’ etc., why would others feel compelled to buy into what you’re saying?

Have faith in your words and tell them, ‘I believe,’ ‘I know,’ and ‘I think.’

Always speak with total, unfaltering conviction.

There is confidence here, and others will be inclined to believe what you’re saying.

Be respectful of others.

Powerful communication isn’t a one-way thing.

It depends on the context, but if you’re driving forward with your opinions while giving little time to acknowledge the points of others, even if you disagree, you can’t expect others to reciprocate.

There must be mutual respect. If you disagree, you can still acknowledge others and be respectful.

You say: ‘I respect your opinion, but I disagree.’

Give others space to air their words, and they will be more inclined to give you the freedom to be heard.

Be real.

Those who tend to gather keen listeners don’t hide what they mean with bland platitudes and waffly misdirections.

Modern politicians are great at this.

Influential talkers say what might feel uncomfortable and awkward if it means being honest.

Speaking the truth, especially saying things that aren’t always comfortable, takes courage.

To speak courageously, from the heart - this is what will bring you rapt attention, respectful listeners and even standing ovations.

Keep it real, even if it hurts.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from achieving higher: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

—

I spent many years of my life in over-analysis mode, creating more anxiety than I needed - rather ironically for myself.

I put a lot into studying how to live with less of it and how to develop a more resilient approach to life’s challenges. Some stress, or lower mood is human and normal, but none of us need be crippled by it.

One idea or insight can be all it takes to shift your experience greatly, and bring more peace.

I know this is true, because I have experienced it myself.

Here are some ideas to read through slowly. Allow them to sink in.

• Happy people know the past has no bearing whatsoever on their present behaviour.

• Overwhelm can be diminished quickly with five slow, shallow, nasal breaths.

• No one has the power to decrease your self-worth because self-worth is just an idea.

• If you’re struggling but rarely exercise — that’s the bulk of your issue right there.

• Stress is not caused by external circumstances but rather by internal ideas.

• If you want to feel good about yourself, help others feel good about themselves.

• The stiller your mind, the more connected to life force, and therefore creatively joyful you will be.

• Walking for at least twenty minutes will solve over 85% of your problems.

• If you can find a way to be ok with being disliked, you will be unstoppable.

• Remaining calm when triggered is the number one life skill.

• Suffering is always tied to the illusion that we have a ‘self’ to protect, which is simply not true.

• Miserable people expect others to be a certain way.

• The happiest people expect nothing from no one.

• Physically relaxing yourself in the moment will dramatically reduce your sense of mental stress.

• The more natural and less processed your diet, the stronger will be your mind.

• You will limit yourself to the degree you blame others for your problems.

• There are no problems in the present moment.

• We get depressed when we over-consume because humans were designed to create things.

• If in doubt, get off your ass and move.

• You don’t need to try to ‘think positive’ because we’re already totally ok when we let go of negative thoughts.

• You don’t need things to be a certain way to be happy, because you can choose to be happy right here, right now.

—

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core, gain energy to attack your goals, and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Ryan Holiday’s ‘The Obstacle Is the Way’ is one of those books that landed on my bedside table at exactly the right time.

It’s rooted in Stoic philosophy, mainly the teachings of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.

The core idea is simple: the thing blocking you is probably the thing that will grow you the most.

Here are eleven lessons from the book that I use almost daily:

1. See things as they are, not as you fear them to be.

We add layers of panic and scary narratives to stuff that happens to us. But it’s ALL mind-created stuff. WE add the fear and the panic. YOU.

Rockefeller watched the 1857 financial crash as a young clerk and while everyone around him panicked, he studied it. He stripped the emotion out and looked at the situation with clean eyes, making him a fortune.

When something ‘bad’ happens to me, which they do often, I take a breath and look at it objectively. This drains the pressure, helping me to see a logical next step.

2. The obstacle IS the way.

The thing standing between you and what you want is the thing you need to accept, and USE to your advantage.

Don’t let it run you over. Climb onto that sucker and let it carry you, all the way to Winville, Ohio.

Marcus Aurelius wrote that the impediment to action advances action. I’ve come back to this idea more than any other in the book, because it flips the entire way you look at difficulty.

What if the job you lost forces you to build something of your own?

Or the relationship that ended prompts you to rethink how you interact with others.

The rejection from a publisher makes you rewrite the book until it’s ten times better.

The problem isn’t in the way. It IS the way.

How different might life look if you saw EVERY challenge through this lens?

3. Steady your nerves as your number 1 strategy.

You will never control what happens to you, but you can always control HOW you respond.

The practice is catching yourself in the moment of reaction and choosing to observe instead of spiralling.

This takes daily practice, and I’m still improving, but remaining calm is the most absolute life skill.

4. Get moving before you’re ready.

I think about this every time I catch myself distracting myself with bullshit from the things I know are worth doing.

The right moment never arrives. You start messy, you start feeling odd, you start before you’re ready, and the feeling of ‘readiness’ shows up once you’re already moving.

Expect this, and you will be fine, as long as you freaking MOVE.

5. Focus ONLY on what you can control.

Epictetus said some things are up to us, and most things aren’t. Where we direct our attention is one of the most underrated tools we have as happy humans.

Wasting energy on stuff we can’t change is where most of our suffering lives. It really gets you nothing but frayed nerves.

I spent years worrying about things I had little to no influence over.

Seeing where my control lay, and redirecting that energy to what I CAN change has been one of the biggest upgrades to my life.

6. Persist, but don’t be a stubborn ass.

There’s a huge difference between persistence and repeatedly doing things that get you nowhere.

Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re being ‘tough’ when, really, you’re going round in circles.

If the front door is locked, try the window by the chimney stack.

Try going around, going under, or coming back at a different time.

The goal stays fixed, but the method must remain flexible.

7. Use obstacles against themselves.

Like a judo move, you use the weight of the problem to flip it.

Gandhi used British oppression as fuel for the independence movement, and the worse they behaved, the stronger his position became.

Or say your first product doesn’t sell. Don’t just quit. The persistent person asks 10 people why they didn’t buy, builds something based on what users are really looking for, and launches it instead.

I love this idea because it turns the thing that’s crushing you into the thing that propels you.

8. Do your job and do it great.

Do it the best you can do it, even when nobody is watching, and even when the task feels beneath you.

Even when you’re brushing your damn teeth.

You do it like it’s a craft you’re always honing. Treat EVERYthing like this.

The discipline of doing unglamorous work well is what builds the character you’ll need when the bigger moments arrive. There’s something, too, in this, of the karma that flows back to you when you aim to do a great job of everything to which you set yourself.

I’ve found that the boring, repetitive tasks are usually the ones that matter most in the long run.

9. Remember you are going to die.

They call this Memento mori. Think about death and the limited time you have, often.

The late train to Doncaster doesn’t feel so bad any more, huh?

It sounds dramatic, but when you’re conscious that time really is finite, the petty obstacles shrink and the things that matter come into focus.

I think about this when I’m stressing over something that won’t matter in one year, because they rarely do.

10. Build your inner citadel.

Most people spend most of their time thinking about, worrying about and wishing to change the external things in life.

Their boss, their mothers, their next weeks that haven’t happened yet.

There’s only a very limited amount you can do to affect these things.

But it is your mind that is the one place that can’t be invaded unless you allow it. When your mind is steady, external things tend to improve, mainly because you make better decisions.

The best way to maintain a resilient mind is simply to realise that your thoughts are never to be taken seriously.

This understanding has changed my life more than anything.

11. Think beyond yourself.

It’s not all about you. That’s why you’re moody half the time.

Serving something larger than your own interests gives you a staying power that endless self-interest cannot touch.

It’s far easier to see my obstacles as tools rather than setbacks when I connect what I’m doing to improving the lives of others, a mission, or a cause I believe in.

My most resilient stretches have always coincided with periods where I wasn’t so focused on my own problems, while knowingly building something that would help someone else.

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core, gain energy to attack your goals, and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Many people have been trying to get through to me recently and it can be overwhelming.

Some are asking for help, others want to connect, and several more are pitching me their ideas.

I feel bad when I don't reply promptly to people, but I am realising I just can't take it all on.

I have my own goals and dreams to accomplish.

Nothing slows me down as much as the pressure I put on myself for 'needing to do more.'

A mentor taught me something years ago that I return to whenever I feel this way:

There's a difference between being overwhelmed and being overloaded.

Being overwhelmed is psychological. It's mental pressure.

This is when the stress is caused internally, through worry and doubt.

Being overloaded is rooted to the external.

It is more logistical. This is when I've given myself too much to do that I can feasibly take on.

Many of us confuse the two.

I might think I'm burned out from work when really I'm drowning in the anxious thinking I have about my work.

That's a significant difference that also poses a huge opportunity.

If I'm worrying about a whole bunch of stuff I can't change (often the case), it also means there's a whole bunch of stuff I can let go.

It might take courage, but it's all I can do. And when I stop tolerating stressful thoughts, I feel so much better.

It's like I've just given myself the keys to a boat to a secret island.

If you feel stressed right now, are you overwhelmed or overloaded?

If it's an 'overloaded' issue, then it's time to cut some things out of your life. You can't logistically juggle it.

Be brave and drop it.

If you're overwhelmed, you can let go of the heavy thinking.

And to do that, I focus on action.

Not on trying to fix things through worry….

But by simply doing one useful thing at a time.

If you’d like to significantly reduce mental stress at the core and make this permanent, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

Join hundreds of happy students below.

Learn more here and get access today.

And join us as a paying subscriber here for access to more bonuses and to support my writing:

Here it is again. That wave of discomfort.

It starts like a rippling in my chest, and then a ping in my throat.

I couldn’t describe the emotion because it is composed of several. Frustration; boredom; anger; restlessness; confusion, and borderline despair.

I’m also sleepy.

This can’t be a good start, can it?

Well, yes it can, because I’ve been here many times before.

Completing anything worth doing always started with moments like these. Many times, this ‘feeling’ led to some of my best work.

But as I feel these dodgy emotions again. Let’s just package them all into the label: ‘claustrophobia’ for clarity’s sake, I need to remember how to deal with them.

Maybe you want to join me as I break this down.

When I’m not feeling it; when I want to do something else, like take a nap, or nip to the fridge, or check my emails; when I feel stuck or trapped, this is an opportunity.

It is not a reason to run away.

The reality is this: I do not need a break. I don’t need another holiday. I don’t need more sleep when I already slept seven hours last night. Maybe tomorrow, but not right now.

Humans are amazingly resilient. I don’t have to recount the hundreds of individual feats of stamina and struggle that people have been through over history, to come through alive.

My only task is to type words on a page. It’s nothing more than that. Those other things can wait because I have made writing things every day my must.

I feel uneasy because I’m not listening.

I’m ignoring my spirit.

Feeling bored tells me that I am not conscious. My thoughts are elsewhere.

But the only place I need to be is here in front of this computer screen, despite the weirdness.

Amateurs hit the eject button when they don’t feel like doing what they need to do. Pros have felt claustrophobic many times before.

They became masters because they know what it means.

Claustrophobia is not a fear of enclosed spaces. It is the discomfort you feel in believing that you cannot move.

When I am static, I feel it. This is why I dream of escape. Escape is the obvious answer to this problem of not moving.

But I don’t need to travel halfway around the globe to move. I don’t need to play a game for thirty minutes before returning to my keyboard. I can stay here, and act, in this moment.

I move by taking out a pencil and drawing lines with it. I begin to flow by typing letters — ieuboihewofinscnvwerihfsl — on the page.

I can learn to stay with the pain (yes, it is pain), and move into what feels like an abyss — a void of nothingness.

There are no safety wheels here. No distractions. No excuses.

It is here that I am rewarded.

When I say yes to distractions and diversions, I am turning my back on the void, and I am turning my back on myself.

When I ride the wave and hold on tight, the void moves closer again.

And when it gets close enough, the void swallows me whole.

I see that I am still here. Still alive.

I am here — this place where few venture: the quiet source of creative insight.

I have a theory that I believe in deeply.

Because we need to maintain our survival, our bodies (perhaps it is our ‘souls’) continually push us to be engrossed in what is right in front of us.

Our subconscious is a machine that perpetually delivers sparks of insight — visions — that guide us to what brings us to life.

When we satisfy our need to be stimulated through other things, such as watching TV, our source of creative insight is turned down.

Our subconscious has stopped providing because we’re already fed data externally.

But when we allow ourselves to sit with what feels uncomfortable for a while, and start moving in any direction, these sparks return.

Hits of data that we use to inspire creative action flow to us from the inside (or perhaps it is the ‘ether’).

This is why I need not fear the void.

Stay with the boredom.

Inhabit your claustrophobia, and take that small step.

The rewards will come.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from stepping into their creative power: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits that build self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

—

We tend to tie achievement to talent, intelligence, wit and intellectual prowess.

If we look at those who get far and master skills at incredibly high levels, we see it’s less about these things and more about emotional strength.

Let’s take a closer look…

1. Ruthless with distractions.

Creating momentum is extremely difficult when we allow ourselves to be distracted.

Distractions take many forms, including other potential projects, online distractions, other people’s requests, and the negative thoughts that show up in our own skulls.

High achievers are aware of this compelling and powerful force. But they override its pull day after day.

They continually re-prioritise their primary objectives.

You must be clear on your priorities and deny anything that undermines them like a maniac.

2. ‘Unreasonably’ persistent.

In ancient times, humans would continually face life or death situations that prompted them to act with ferocious levels of persistence to survive.

Today, the need to persist is a seemingly alien experience for many because of the comfortable world in which we now live.

But without persistence, very little of brilliance can be developed. It takes masses of work and attention over long periods to make an impact in anything.

This requires continual awareness on your target, regardless of how ‘forced’ this can sometimes seem.

High achievers know when to pivot, but they refuse to quit.

3. Willing to look strange.

It’s nearly impossible to be on a journey of high achievement without a willingness to appear odd to the general ‘normie’ masses.

If you didn’t feel self-conscious or, to some degree an outsider, this would indicate that you aren’t transcending your societally-imposed boundaries.

Going beyond these emotional indicators leads to significant outcomes. This is part of the experience.

It can be lonely at the top, but high achievers get this and accept it.

They are driven by the ultimate thrill of self-growth and inspiring those around them to grow.

4. They bore themselves on purpose.

High achievers spend an almost offensive amount of time doing the same thing over and over again while everyone else chases novelty.

They write the same kind of chapter, run the same morning routine, and practise the same skill until it becomes automatic.

The boring repetition is the thing that produces the extraordinary result, and they know it.

5. They possess inhuman patience.

In this quick-fix swipe-right uber eats world, most of us are conditioned to expect results fast.

There may be more convenience, but it has also instilled in us an acute form of impatience to the point of irritability if we don’t get what we want quickly.

This is deadly for any creative endeavour worth putting time into. Nothing of any significance materialises quickly. Attempting shortcuts will only set you back further.

You must nurture an uncommon level of patience for whatever you set your mind to.

6. They act the part.

True winners understand the malleable nature of ‘personality.’

We can choose to wake up and be whoever we need to be given what we want to create in our realities.

We create our reality; we don’t suck our thumbs and wait for a sunny day.

Winners create goals that encourage a leaning into their potential, and then they mould themselves to this vision through action, posture and general demeanour right now, today.

Be the kind of person who achieves the dreams you want today.

7. They are ok with a bit of pain.

It is rare to experience physical hardship or pain as we once did years ago.

We may have less external discomfort, but pain in our lives will always be there whether we pursue lofty goals or choose to stay comfortable.

So high achievers create momentum through an acceptance and tolerance to pain, mainly at the psychological level.

Elite high achievers take it a step further and actively seek out pain and find a way to enjoy the more challenging moments in life and business.

But here’s the thing: when they do, they barely perceive it as ‘pain’ at all.

8. Do things the best it can be done.

Most people are oblivious to a subtle force that constrains them within boundaries set by those who came before.

In other words, few of us have the courage or foresight to transcend pre-established (social) boundaries because of a deep need to conform.

High achievers actively look for these boundaries and — instead of doing their best within these delineations — aim to go further than has ever been done before.

They aim to do things the best it can be done, whether it is to go further than anyone else or to bring their own unique spin to an old approach.

High achievers want nothing less than to be pioneers and innovators.

Final: you must be willing to appear ‘odd’ relative to the general populace.

Expect to feel different; stay your course, and the world will look on in awe.

There’s one underestimated thing stopping most from achieving higher: self-respect.

Learn the 25 little daily habits that build self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

There is a constant force that slowly and subtly works against your individuality.

Humans are strongly attracted to conformity and get uncomfortable when they sense they are different from those around them.

The only problem with this? It makes us miserable and unsuccessful in the long run.

It’s in everyone’s interest to become more thoroughly themselves.

Being yourself while staying connected will bring joy and fortune into your life.

Let me show you what I mean by being more fully yourself:

1. They have forgiven their past.

It’s amazing how strong a hold our pasts can have on us.

We often carry around a form of resentment for something we did or for what someone did to us.

Either way, this lack of forgiveness is hurting us the most. We can’t be fully ourselves this way.

You must take some time out to resolve this.

You forgive yourself by finding compassion for what you did. If you look deeply, you will find a way to understand.

The same goes for what someone did to you.

You must find a way to see that what they did was for a very good reason in their mind.

Everyone is doing their best given the thinking they hold to be true.

Including the younger you.

2. Embellish their quirks.

A cool thing happens when we start letting go of past shames: we become more attuned to what makes us unique.

We develop deeper compassion for who we are and notice all the details about us that we may have tried to hide before.

What ‘weird’ interests do you have that few others share?

What are natural talents you can sharpen?

What about your temperament can you take advantage of?

Look back over your school years, for example, and ask: what made you stand out then?

Even if it was on the other end of criticism (including of self), these things all point to the aspects of you that you must embrace.

3. Are shame-free.

People often avoid being themselves publicly because they believe they have something shameful to hide.

Maybe it’s an idea picked up in youth, or you deny aspects of your darker side, which we all have.

They can’t step out and own every part of who they are, so they put on an act — even if it’s subconscious.

They are overly ‘nice’, for example. This slowly eats us up from the inside because we aren’t being who we really are. The way through is to make peace with the parts of you that you dislike or fear showing.

If you can change what you don’t like, do it. If not, own it.

Insecurities dissolve the moment you own them.

4. Healthy relationship to rejection.

It’s rare to come across someone these days who isn’t terrified at the idea of being rejected by another human.

Our overly protected childhoods and our ‘safe space’ culture is directly to blame for an unhealthy attitude to the nature of rejection.

The most authentically happy people are much better able to handle and process the idea of someone disliking them or saying no to them.

This is developed through putting yourself out there.

But we become stronger in the face of rejection when we see the value in being rejected.

See rejection as an indication that you’re putting yourself out there. You’re taking risks. You NEED rejection to thrive, to be yourself.

This is what it means to have a healthy relationship with rejection.

5. Understand the power of staying unique.

In a world continually — and often subconsciously — pushing you towards conformity, it takes continual awareness and reminding to remain unique and true to yourself. Those who stay themselves are aware of the need to be unique.

To stand out benefits us and our businesses in obvious ways.

We embrace our exceptional skills, making us indispensable and needed by other people.

More than anything else, being unique means that we are in integrity.

We are willing to look ‘weird’ to others if it means we stay true to who we are. We aren’t living the fake life like most narcissistic try-hards are doing.

This is a habit, a constant practice, and it will serve you well.

6. They’ve dropped the performance.

There’s a version of “being yourself” that’s still a performance, and most people don’t catch it. Loud confidence, constant opinions, making sure everyone in the room knows how unbothered you are.

The people who are ACTUALLY themselves got past that. They’re fine being boring on a Tuesday. They don’t need every interaction to prove something, and they’re not scanning the room to see if anyone noticed how relaxed they look.

I used to try to be upbeat and funny when I wasn’t feeling it, and that just made me more anxious. Instead, I owned my mood. And when I did, I relaxed more anyway.

7. No longer self-conscious.

It’s impossible to never be self-conscious because we require an occasional awareness of ourselves and our appearance.

Many of us spend far too much time in a heightened sense of self-analysis, which renders us awkward and helpless.

We become self-conscious to compensate for some perceived insecurity about ourselves that we feel needs protection.

For example, I have been very self-conscious in social situations because I wanted to do my best while inadvertently making myself even more anxious.

But our performance and joy in the moment continuously improves when we focus outward.

Those who are most themselves have diverted their attention away from themselves.

They take an interest in the people and the sights around them.

This ends up attracting people to you in the end.

Being unapologetically yourself requires a healthy dollop of self-respect…

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