The feeling of no longer having what you once had can range from frustration to a deep sense of grief.

One day it’s in your life, and then suddenly, it’s gone.

Maybe it was taken from you abruptly.

Or maybe you knew the end was coming, so you had time to anticipate the ‘no longer having.’

This may have made it easier. Or you may have suffered regardless.

Humans have struggled with losing things dear to them since sharing grassland with oversized sloths.

Some have allowed the pain to compound, twist and morph. They end up bitter, uptight and sluggish.

Others have found a way to manage - and even thrive.

The loss once hurt, but now it projects some colour.

What makes the difference?

Our interpretation of a loss can be felt as extreme and visceral physical pain.

This is the power of our thoughts.

We really do feel what we think.

In that order.

It’s instant. It’s a law of the Universe.

No exceptions.

Our thoughts can possess such weight and meaning they are felt like deep wounds.

The sting of another rejection.

The malaise after a breakup.

The grief of death.

Heavy.

Dark.

Despairing.

It can be harrowing.

I have felt pain from these things, though I can never say I shared the pain others felt because pain varies depending on the individual.

It varies depending on how someone regards and interacts with their thinking.

The fact we can all experience psychologically induced pain in different ways points to the heart of the solution.

Though it’s near impossible to avoid the hurt of losing a loved one, for example, we are still dealing with self-created pain.

And this pain is the same kind of pain as a seemingly “lesser” loss, though the effect is likely amplified.

This pain did not spring on us from a dark alley.

We were not attacked physically.

We responded to an event.

We applied a judgement to the event.

Meaning was born.

And then meaning was felt in our bones.

That’s how it works.

Exercising grief is understandable; it can be cathartic to express a loss for a while, depending on what happened.

But the more you can remind yourself that your thoughts of what happened are not the same as reality’s neutral and natural purity, the better you will manage.

When we judge a loss as a loss, we emphasise that loss. It is felt as pain.

The sooner we accept and de-energise these thoughts of loss, the better we manage.

We return to the lucid beauty of the present more of the time.

This has to happen at some point; the sooner, the better.

Finding the gleaming gem wrapped within the hardship will be even more powerful.

What did this teach you?

How did this bless you?

And yes, I know this is difficult if the loss was particularly cruel. But even that is a criticism you have applied to an otherwise judgement-free occurrence.

Life happens as it does. This is data.

Like a dead leaf floating down a stream, life happening is neither ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

Can you find the opportunity in the vacancy created by the lost thing?

Can you thank the person you lost?

They may energise you toward a new purpose.

They can energise you toward a new purpose.

You are flying on their wings.

Accept it when you can.

Now be thankful.

There is healing in a simple word of thanks.

Let go of thoughts of loss, and you will be OK.

Find the blessing in the loss, and you will thrive.

If this makes sense to you and you want to take mental resilience to the highest level…

You’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.

It guides you through an updated way of relating to your thoughts so regular optimism actually sticks for good, rather than a page of a book you forget.

Join over 230 happy students here.

Alex

—

There are no shortcuts in life.

This is true, but really it isn’t.

What am I talking about?

So you’re saying there are shortcuts?

Yes, I am.

How?

Because most people do things like most other people.

By simply doing the things most people don’t do, you’re taking a shortcut around the experiences suffered by many.

You aren’t most people, and you can realise this through your actions.

Here’s what I mean…

1. Ask for help at the top.

Very few people dare to ask for help, ideas or support, let alone ask people higher up the top of ‘the ladder.’

Making bold asks, whether it’s for mentorship, asking for a job or simply to make a connection with someone a little out of your league, may frequently be met with rejection.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally get what you ask for.

When you do, you’ll be propelled.

Read more

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying: ‘the quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.’

Our man Napoleon Hill and that other dude, James Allen of ‘As a Man Thinketh’ fame, were proponents of such a platitude.

It makes good enough sense.

If we think negative thoughts, our reality and perception will be tarnished. We focus on what isn’t working, making life seem bleak.

By this logic, if we think positive thoughts and continually steer our attention to what’s beautiful and great, our experience will reflect this.

Well, friend, I’m here to throw a big rusty spanner in the machine.

Having worked on myself and hundreds of clients over the years,

But this isn’t quite how it works.

Understanding that the quality of our experience is directly connected to our thoughts is a major step in the right direction for your mental wellness.

This is true.

Many people struggle because they overlook the significance of the role thoughts play in our experience. They assume their ‘difficult’ circumstances are what determines a difficult life.

Seeing that this is not true is the first step in experiencing more joy, creativity and peace more of the time.

Our thoughts absolutely determine the quality of our experience.

So, why am I saying that the QUALITY of our thoughts does NOT determine the quality of our lives?

Because of this one thing:

Our thoughts will be a mix of good and bad until the day we die.

We can’t change our thoughts at will.

But we CAN do this:

We can change how we interact with the range of thoughts that will come up.

Or better said, we can change the degree to which we let GO of our thoughts.

People who suffer and experience tons of stress have not internalised this yet. They see a stressful thought come up - as they inevitably do. But instead of letting it float by and returning to what they were doing...

They hook their grubby mits into the thought.

They assume the thought holds power and meaning, and significance.

It does not.

Your thoughts are a conveyor belt of visions, memories, suggestions, concepts.

Good and bad on loop.

Ethereal and ephemeral and ultimately meaningless.

Tools, maybe.

Meaning, no.

Fact, certainly not.

The truth - hell no.

So stop buying into them.

To have a good life, we need to develop the skill of healthy thought management.

It’s not about the quality of our thoughts that determines the quality of our lives.

It is about our ability to remain present and in action that does.

Let insights flow up without effort when relaxed. That’s how to benefit from our minds.

Use thoughts to plan, sure.

Just don’t get into the habit of the miserable masses, which is to buy into the false seriousness of thoughts.

No thought needs to be taken seriously.

And we don’t need to grit our teeth and think positive thoughts either.

Positive feelings will arise without effort when we’re in the flow of life.

All you need is to be here.

If this makes sense to you and you want to absorb this mindset for good…

You’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.

It guides you through an updated way of relating to your thoughts so it actually sticks for good, rather than a page of a book you forget.

Join over 230 happy students here.

Alex

—

Hey Derek, do you ever get bored, mate?

Nah, mate! I have YouTube videos to escape to!

Good for you, mate!

Thanks, mate!

…

See Exhibit A above - a recent conversation with my mate Derek.

In 2007, Derek was a prolific artist.

He’d knock the socks off people with glorious paintings featuring hamsters dressed up like real people.

But somewhere along the way, Derek lost his spark and his enthusiasm for creating much at all.

Now he does ‘just enough’ at his data-entry job to pay the bills. But most of his day is filled with catching up on his favourite gaming channels and giggling through the latest TikTok reels.

Good old Derek is rarely bored, you see.

And neither are millions of people across the planet, who clock up over five hours per day on their magical dopamine dispensers - also known as “smartphones.”

‘We’re not bored!’ Millions cry in unison, setting off several mini-tsunamis.

Mark SugarMountain rubs his hands together, overjoyed at the lack of boredom he sees in the people who have joined his Tech Tribe, now fully immersed in his Metascape.

The trouble with fewer bored people is we have more deluded and soft-minded humans.

These people may have found a way to avoid boredom, but they’ve paid for it with their productivity and resilience.

When we respond to discomfort with a heady cocktail of dopamine-spiking stimulations, we reinforce the reality that we aren’t much good at handling perceived hardship.

So when tough things do happen:

• We lose a pet parakeet to the bird flu;

• The food takes ages to arrive;

• Our smirking boss drops overtime work in our inbox;

• A man says a mean thing to us in the street;

• Our wi-fi signal drops to one bar;

• Or we’re tasked with using our creative capacity to write an article.

...We struggle.

We self-medicate further with food, games, pixel boobs, dopamine fixes and trips abroad.

So, Alex, what are you saying we do?

How do we get out of this pickle?

My answer: be ok with feeling bored. At least sometimes.

Re-introduce windows of controlled ‘boredom’ back into your life.

The discomfort resilience muscle has atrophied, but it can be strengthened again.

There is an untapped opportunity here, especially in this mad, busy world.

The next time you feel bored, become curious about the physical experience of boredom.

Watching our sensations of boredom does a cool thing:

Our stale, bored thinking is replaced by fresh thinking.

And this often happens quickly.

The feeling of boredom melts away.

Many want to escape, but not you.

Come back here and wait for a moment, will you?

Watch the feeling, the bored thinking dissolves, and you feel better.

Try it now.

You may now be rewarded with an interesting idea or insight.

By doing this regularly, you have two things that set you apart:

1. You are training yourself NOT to escape when you’re uncomfortable. You literally become more mentally resilient.

2. You become a creativity engine. This is not an understatement. People will watch you in awe and wonder why you’re so damn productive, coming up with all these kick-ass ideas.

You know the secret.

While Jessie, Derek, Carlos and Umbebwe scrambled to Netflix at the first sign of boredom,

You held fast.

You nudged shoulders with your new friend, Boredom.

Boredom acknowledged your friendship and gave the gift it was dying to share.

That’s how you continue to win.

—

Thanks for reading.

Want to learn 25 other habits that build even greater life satisfaction?

I was never particularly happy until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned ‘happiness’ is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, real, genuine satisfaction poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’m no perfect dude.

In fact, I’ve racked up a very healthy number of failures.

But for those, I’m thankful because a loss is the best way to learn.

Mistakes show us how to pivot and what to avoid in future.

Here are some of the most important ones I keep on my wall:

1. Not forgiving yourself or other people.

It may seem empowering to refuse to forgive yourself or others for what they did. But you’re the one who loses in the end.

The guilt and/or resentment will eat away at you, rendering you weak and fearful.

No matter what happened, you can forgive. It doesn’t mean you condone the event and support what they did.

It means you forgive what they did.

Everyone was doing their best given the state of their mind at the time. Forgive by seeing the compassionate side.

That will instantly take the emotional charge out of your memory of events and strengthen you.

2. Allowing two days to go by without 20 minutes+ of solid exercise.

We all know that we feel good after a good walk or a sweaty workout session.

But it’s also super easy to forget the benefit and come up with excuses to skip workouts for other ‘priorities.’

Don’t allow two days to go by without stringing together another session. The same applies to other good habits to stick to and bad habits to drop.

More than two days means you’ve officially slipped.

The momentum will begin to slide in the wrong direction, making it harder and harder to move with a purpose that strengthens you.

3. Reacting in thoughtless anger.

Responding in a rage to a perceived trigger without time to think can be embarrassing at best and devastating at worst.

You must control this aspect of your life. You’ve seen people lose their lives and careers because of this immature approach to emotional intelligence.

This differs from thoughtful and controlled aggression, which can move you forward and inspire people profoundly.

Learn to breathe when you’re angry, and do not flip out.

Meditation helps with this, as does bringing general awareness into your everyday activities.

4. Writing angry shit on the Internet.

You know what it’s like.

Someone says something you vehemently disagree with on Twitter, and you just HAVE to chime in with your put-down mini-argument.

Leave it alone.

This is always time poorly spent.

You don’t need to take the high horse.

You’ll typically end up looking childish and emotional, and you’ll be even angrier whether you get a response or not.

Leaving trollish comments can also lose you opportunities and jobs, not to mention your self-respect.

5. Indulging in bad habits as a solution to sadness.

I’m not the sort of Navy Seals drill sergeant who screams at you to quit all vices and short-term pleasures.

Have some ice cream and a Netflix binge session occasionally.

The problem I see is when we jump into unhealthy habits due to our emotional low.

For example, we can reward ourselves sometimes after a hard day’s work. But if you’re essentially self-medicating because you want to escape your sad thoughts, this is an issue.

This needs to be addressed through what I call ‘good habit bombardment.’

This means diving into so much action - whether through exercise, talking to friends, or being creative - that your sadness or frustration is suffocated.

6. Entertaining insecure thoughts for more than a few seconds.

We all know what it feels like to have anxious moments where we feed our thoughts of insecurity and self-doubt.

It makes us feel awful.

No matter how seemingly helpful worry seems, it must stop if it makes us feel low.

You must be ruthless about this.

Doubtful thinking is never time well spent. It literally makes us physically weaker and susceptible to illness. It holds us back from being and feeling confident. Doubts will inevitably arise.

But we have the power to turn away from those thoughts when they appear.

View them as suggestions from your mind.

Some thoughts are helpful, and others are not.

If it’s not, just say ‘nope’ and engage in something present, purposeful and creative.

This is a habit. It will develop your resilience and inner peace over time the more you let go.

You got this.

Want to be more lucky?

I was never lucky until my late twenties. Things changed noticeably for me then. I learned luck is more to do with self-respect than anything else.

When I learned to move past my insecure thoughts and carve a healthy and confident self-identity, luck poured into my life. It was weird, but made sense.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

People make snap judgements about who they think you are based on extremely subtle cues.

That’s how it is, but we can take advantage of this aspect of human nature.

Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability:

1. Straighten up your posture a fraction.

Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a sense of pride into your general demeanour will do two things.

Firstly, people will sense the difference and associate you with higher status, even if there’s nothing else contributing to this idea.

We’re still basically chimps in clothes.

The leader of the pack walks tall and a little slower.

Secondly, you will feel higher status, which creates a self-fulfilling loop of general badassery.

Walk tall.

Read more

I hate it when things don’t go to plan.

I said a thing without thinking it through, and now I regret it.

I didn’t get the client I wanted.

Views are down on my articles.

I have people close to me who are struggling with mental health problems.

There’s a sharp pain that shows up in my left shoulder blade.

But here’s the thing about all of these things:

Until you decide what to do with them, they have zero meaning.

They needn’t be the source of ongoing annoyance.

There is no meaning in losing a client.

There is no meaning in things not going to plan.

There’s no meaning in that sharp pain.

No meaning.

Only data.

Only the Universe breathing.

Only particles colliding.

How I respond to those things…

Now that’s where things get interesting.

A sentient being has developed the capacity to respond and apply meaning to things.

This is what makes us human.

The meaning was never there.

You gave the thing meaning.

How you respond to events in your life determines what kind of events they are to you.

So when we fuss and fight and resist, we emphasise the negative frequency of such an event.

We make it bad. And so we must deal with ‘bad.’

And bad makes us sluggish and tired.

But this opens the question:

Can we make it good?

We have the power to apply meaning to things, after all.

Can we make it good?

Not necessarily morally good, but good ‘I can work with this’ good.

Can we make it ‘good?’

Yes. Yes we can.

We do this by asking a question.

Like unsheathing a clear, sharp blade.

The question cuts straight through to what counts.

The question is:

‘How can I use this?’

Instantly an event that had the potential to cause pain,

Has the power to brighten one’s resolve.

Can you use the setback to prompt a new system?

Can you use the back pain to motivate you to do squats in the gym?

Can struggling family members inspire you to master an understanding of the mind?

How can you use this?

Alex

—

We’ve all lived long enough to know that hearing someone criticise us can hurt.

It can be felt like a punch to the stomach, making us want to hide and seethe and stew.

I’ve been criticised harshly for my looks, choices, spotty face, sporting mistakes, writing, art, dating skills, and opinions.

It always hurt.

For many of us, if this experience was particularly painful, we may have decided to avoid attracting criticism from others altogether.

There’s no way you’re going through that physical pain again.

So we avoid life, thinking we’re clever and wise.

But is avoiding criticism worth it if you miss out on living too?

What would that mean if we were to block off any potential rejections, hurtful comments, and disagreements from other humans?

It would mean never creating and publishing anything.

It would mean never making the first move.

It would mean cutting ourselves off from the world and all the opportunities hidden in its colourful and mysterious texture.

We can’t lean into our potential and bear its rewards if we don’t risk criticism.

Realising this, we can find a way to be thankful for the hurt we once felt.

It shows us we’re alive with a beating pulse.

A reminder that rejection is good.

It means we’re living and growing.

We can’t grow if we avoid judgement.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

The economy sucks, people are dicks, and life is hard.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t live the life you really want (even if you aren’t a bear).

1. Remind yourself frequently of where you want to go.

Many commit themselves to things they think they ‘should’ do but then burn out because it doesn’t allow for growth or expression in the long run.

Often the more ‘outlandish’ a goal the better because so few normies are focused here, and it’s more exciting for you.

Focus on what you would love to make happen, expect it to be occasionally hard, and keep an eye on this vision daily.

I often re-write my goals daily to maintain my vision in my head.

Read more

There’s this interesting thing people do - often as they get older.

Not all of us, but you see it in many.

We close doors to things in an attempt to simplify our lives.

We say, ‘I’m not going to go to conferences anymore.’

Door closed.

‘I’m not going to hot countries any more.’

Door closed.

‘I won’t go to dinner parties anymore. They’re silly.’

Another life thing closed.

But really, we’re doing it because those things make us uncomfortable.

And it’s not even that.

We do it because our thoughts about those things make us uncomfortable.

Challenging life events can often do this to us too.

Maybe you once had an unpleasant experience on a flight. You think about the event, and your visions about the turbulent journey make you feel uncomfortable.

You feel it as a mini-implosion in your chest and a warming of the cheeks.

So you want to live a life with less discomfort.

So you close doors.

‘No more flights for me.’

How clever you are.

But here’s the thing.

You saying NO to things that scare you limits you.

Doing this drains the colour from your life.

Doing this makes your world literally smaller.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about living an alive life - it’s knowing you can be free to wander the gloomy corridors of the world, even if you feel a bit icky.

You’re free to roam. You haven’t denied your ability to explore. You can talk to whomever you like and go where you want to go.

At least in most places.

You’re a wild adventure person.

This is living.

The more doors we close, the more restricted we make ourselves - both physically and psychologically.

The things we fear are almost always indicators:

They show us how to spark aliveness in us.

Scared to travel?

You must go, even if it starts with a walk to the local river.

Age is no reason to close doors.

We can always take small steps towards our fears, with our fears, in the arms of our fears.

When we begin to move and look directly and lucidly at the thing we fear...

We realise it was our greatest ally.

There’s one thing stopping you from being more willing to take the right risks in life: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to take bolder steps, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I was not a good communicator for most of my life.

But whether through speaking or writing, we need to communicate well to influence and persuade others effectively.

People told me I needed to stop mumbling and listen better.

Starting out particularly awkward forced me to learn what I could about being better. I’m still learning, but I’m far better.

Here are some of the behaviours I see in the world’s best communicators:

1. Speak for your listener.

Many people lose their audience because they speak in a way they themselves understand, but their audience does not.

They use jargon, flamboyant words, and complex explanations that are at a different level to their listener’s comprehension.

A good communicator has a good sense of what their audience does and doesn’t know, and they will ask questions beforehand if necessary so that they know how to say it best.

2. Show empathy.

There’s a big difference between being a submissive and nodding donkey who agrees with everything others say and being empathetic.

When you demonstrate you can understand their perspective occasionally, even if it’s a simple: ‘I agree,’ you will disarm people, creating harmony.

3. Ask questions.

Questions do a couple of things.

Firstly, they demonstrate your interest in another person, which helps them feel respected and heard.

Secondly, they encourage the other person to share more. Hence, you gain more intel on their perspective, which allows you to build further empathy and ensures you steer clear of basing your communication on assumptions.

This also allows you to make your collaboration far more effective than butting heads and forcing your viewpoint on someone.

4. Properly listen.

Very few people truly listen.

Watch conversations others are having, and you’ll see most people are focused on what they’re saying and what to say next while sort of pretending to listen.

Great communicators rely on actually listening.

Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues.

Why?

Because now you’re talking with someone instead of talking at them.

5. Speak concisely.

Great communicators are conscious of adding unnecessary words and being long-winded.

They have also developed the habit of speaking clearly so others don’t have to keep asking them to repeat themselves.

They say more with fewer words.

They know their objective, get to the point and don’t ramble.

They prize impact and efficiency over making more noise.

6. Slow down and use silence.

Most people jabber on with pace, with no concern for the impact of their words.

They are concerned more with the fact they are talking than what the point of it all is.

Great speakers see speaking as a powerful tool, one that requires respect.

Speaking is seen as a craft to master.

With that, they are comfortable slowing down and using strategic silences to deliver a point.

7. Not self-conscious.

After you have read these tips, internalise them as best you can, but then let go of trying to remember them all when you’re communicating.

The best communicators aren’t thinking of how they’re coming across with intense self-awareness.

They are present and in flow, focused on what others are saying.

They have their attention on serving those they are communicating with.

They aren’t trying to think of the next clever thing to say.

They have faith that what they need to say will come up in the moment. This is far more likely to work for them when they are relaxed.

Again, this takes practice and regular exposure to opportunities for communicating.

8. Don’t interrupt.

Interrupting people is disrespectful and demonstrates we aren’t listening.

This not only means we have less information to inform a richer discussion, but it also sets the tone for an ongoing amateur communication style which can devolve into arguments and conflict.

9. Use respectful honesty.

Great communicators are willing to go to places that are a little uncomfortable.

This takes courage and garners respect.

But they are mindful of saying necessary things and coming from a place of genuine care for the listener, as opposed to a place of insecurity and a need to inflict harm on another.

This takes practice, but you want to prioritise being honest in your communications to develop confidence in yourself and your speaking power.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being more effective communicators: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be acknowledged in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I know what it’s like to feel uninspired and just plain icky.

Often, it’s because I skip vital yet simple habits that maintain my self-respect and enthusiasm for life.

Here are some quick habits that boost my self-confidence and keep me excited about life and work:

1. Learn something for at least 20 minutes and take notes.

Note-taking has been shown to better internalise the focus of study.

Whether via books, apps, videos, or courses, daily study shouldn’t end at University.

It’s a practice that can lead to exponential growth, especially when you go deep on a topic to develop mastery in something specific and helpful to the world.

Read more

It’s often thought that personality is something we’re born with. An unchanging, concrete aspect of who we are.

Some parts of personality are tied to genes, yes. But 95% of the rest of who we are and how we behave are rooted to how and what we think.

And we can live an entirely different experience depending on how we choose to use our thoughts.

The following thinking styles or mantras can change your life for the better:

1. I am unaffected by all outcomes.

One of the most attractive traits in a human is being OK with the outcome of things, regardless of what it is.

They are outcome-independent. When we can keep calm when things aren’t going our way, this garners respect because it brings harmony to (and diffuses) the situation. It is not always easy to do.

When we observe outcome independence as a daily habit, we find ourselves less stressed and more creative and respect ourselves more.

If something doesn’t work out, we shrug and move on.

2. Other people can do and be what they want to do.

If you want to be deeply stressed, try wishing other people did things differently.

This is inherently frustrating when we face a situation we want to change but know we can’t.

The solution? Realise it’s not on you to try to change anything or anyone.

The best you can do is accept that others will do things you disagree with and focus on developing yourself as best you can.

If you are a parent of children, for example, they don’t yet have complete agency; your influence is in your control.

But for everyone else, find the relief in knowing you can’t force others to do your bidding.

3. I’m OK with who I am right now.

Many of us go through life weighed down by insecurities.

These self-criticisms arose from others’ judgements, and mainly our own.

We bought into the significance of these assertions and perceived something to be ‘wrong’ with us.

But criticism can’t ever be tied to the truth because, by its very nature, criticism or judgement is a fabricated, human-made meaning.

In the absence of created meaning, there simply IS.

We simply are. We are OK. We aren’t good or bad. We’re just who we are.

And in the void left by criticism, self-compassion becomes our default.

To love who we are comes without effort or intervention.

4. I don’t need anything from anyone.

Why would you need something from anyone in particular?

Certainly, when it comes to psychological needs, no single other person has what we need.

We don’t need validation or respect or support. To experience love and admiration is nice, but we shouldn’t depend on this.

If we do, our happiness is instantly at the mercy of the choices and behaviours of other people.

This weakens us. It also comes off as needy, which distances others from us.

Yes, sometimes other people have what we want, especially in the material sense.

A bag of nails. A turnip. Some guidance.

And if they don’t, we can relax and find them in the hands of the next person that comes along. No big deal.

The same goes for needing anything else from any one person.

You need nothing. You’re free.

5. There is nothing anyone can say that I have a problem with.

But isn’t this a little nihilistic, Alex? A little passive?

What I am saying here is simply to emphasise the disconnect between the perceived meaning of someone’s words and your emotional state.

Untold misery arises from the belief that the two need to unite.

They don’t. What someone says is on them. They have their own subjective opinions.

Whether they are ‘right’ or wrong needn’t bother you. You are not here to argue. You are simply witnessing the verbalised thoughts of other humans.

Allow those thoughts to affect you, and you are not free.

6. I have everything I need to know in this moment.

Many of us — myself included — get nervous in anticipation of events that requires us to think on our feet (especially when the perceived stakes are high).

For example, going on a date or being invited to speak on a podcast. We want to succeed, but some of us lack faith in our ability to say the ‘right’ thing when we need to.

So we get anxious. What helped me a ton in situations like this was understanding this one thing:

We will know the words to say when we stop thinking we won’t know what to say.

We do know. When we relax and let go of pressuring ourselves, we open channels connecting us to our true intelligence.

To not get our pants in a twist around what to do or say is a form of faith, and it’s a powerful one.

If we start a new project or business, take it one step at a time.

You will be guided by this innate intelligence in the moment.

Have faith that what you need will appear to you as you need it.

And it will often surprise you and those around you.

What’s your favourite?

There’s one thing stopping most people from being more relaxed: deep self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be less anxious in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

You can’t be seriously saying that tiny shifts in our behaviour make us instantly more creative?

Yes indeed.

Because creativity has far more to do with getting out of our own way than doing anything clever.

Creativity is closer than you think:

1. Practice non-resistance.

Do you ever get the sense that what you resist grows?

I resist this article I have to write because I’m not in the mood.

My frustration grows.

I close up, my creativity splutters and dies, and the article never gets done.

Do the opposite.

Open yourself to uncertainty. See what happens when you stop resisting.

2. Ask: ‘What’s interesting?’

Simple questions can propel you.

Questions are powerful because they direct our attention. When we point ourselves to things that prompt creativity, we can’t help but be instantly creative.

What’s interesting about that thing in front of you?

3. Slow your breathing.

Creativity is best served by a quiet mind.

To still the mind, one in which thoughts aren’t circling at 100 miles per hour, we can slow our breathing.

This, incidentally, is the way to reduce anxiety effectively too.

Slow your breathing, and your creativity will emerge.

4. Doodle.

Doing things is far better for encouraging creative insight and flow than thinking about doing things.

Instead of trying to force creativity, get out a pen and doodle weird shit on a page.

Let your hand flow like an ice skater possessed.

You’re in the act of unbridled creativity.

Exciting, huh?

5. Watch your sensations.

The most common response to discomfort or boredom is finding a way to escape the pain.

We scroll on our phones or throw on a movie. But this kills creativity instantly.

Creativity is born in space, silence and — often — feelings of boredom.

When we observe our emotions, instead of running from them, an interesting thing happens: they transmute from discomfort to creative insight.

Try it.

6. Ask, ‘What’s a problem I can solve?‘

Nothing cuts to the heart of creative energy like identifying problems.

Most people steer clear of problems and then wonder why they aren’t creative and energy-filled.

Find problems you or others are having, then get intentional about finding a solution.

Your brain will then immediately get to work.

7. See things as though you were born this morning.

Imagine you were born just a few hours ago.

How would you experience the world differently?

There’d be no pre-assigned language or labels. Look at the room around you through reborn eyes.

Now it’s all to play for.

Creativity flourishes where judgement is absent. What could this mean for your creative process?

8. Write total junk.

There’s something incredibly freeing about creative expression without the need to perform or produce something of brilliance.

When we allow ourselves to write any old shit, we loosen up.

We get into a flow that is more about movement than it is about doing anything the ‘right’ way.

This is gold for stimulating a creative mindset.

9. Drop your shoulders.

Like with slowing our breathing, there are things we can do to bring us back into our bodies and out of our heads.

We can sometimes get so wrapped in worry that we don’t realise how tight we are physically.

Dropping our shoulders and allowing our bodies to relax hijacks our minds and calms us down instantly.

10. Do nothing.

You serious, bro?

I sure am.

Often we stall our creativity simply because we’re trying things.

We reinforce the fact that we’re struggling when we try.

Stop. Let go for moment.

And do nothing at all.

What comes up comes up.

Creativity is a funny one.

It appears when we’re busy doing anything but trying to create.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being uncommonly creative: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to be more creatively productive in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

One of the big lessons I learned after years and years of anxiety and personal insecurities was the power of habits.

Doing things repeatedly always leaves a groove.

Habits aren’t just for physical health and business growth.

Mental strength and the resulting experience of more calm result from healthy psychological ‘super habits.’

Here are a few:

1. Not buying into thoughts.

The most uptight people I know never received the memo that we needn’t believe (buy into) our thoughts.

Thoughts are illusions at best.

They are suggestions and approximations intended to help us make sense of our world.

Too many of us see them as some kind of matter-of-fact gospel.

They never were.

Your stressful thoughts don’t need to be taken seriously.

All there is is the calming beauty of the present moment.

2. Being conscious of incoming artificial dopamine spikers.

We need to be careful with things that unnaturally spike dopamine (our motivation hormone), like refined sugar and video games.

When we continually flood ourselves with cheap hits of this stuff, we lose our motivation and joy for natural inputs like walks and creativity.

It’s simply easier to feel good vibes more of the time when we’re not jacked up on artificial stimuli.

3. Are totally willing to have imperfect information.

One of the best sources of fear and stress comes from many of us wanting to know what the future will hold.

We get stressed because if we don’t know, we can’t possibly avoid all the mistakes we’re deathly scared to make. This comes out of insecurity. Relaxed people are tolerant of uncertainty.

They are OK with not having all the facts.

They have faith that their innate intelligence will be there for them when they need it.

It always shows up.

4. Nurture a preference for lucidity.

A common trait in worriers, depressed people, scaredy cats, addicts, and Doubting Debbies is a preference for escape.

They reject the reality of the present.

They figured a suitable coping strategy for the struggles of life was to get on outta there, sharpish.

They do this by hitching a ride on the magic carpets of thought, no matter how prickly.

They may also chug back a few beers daily to numb the hurt.

But the solution isn’t to run.

It’s to look directly at the thing you fear and, in doing so, sense an immediate fading of the ‘terror’ right then and there.

This is a practice. It’s a habit.

To return to what’s really really there, more often, more of the time.

To let go when you want to rage.

To be there with us.

Seeing things for what they are in full technicolour lucidity is your salvation.

There’s one thing stopping most people from being uncommonly calm: self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

I’ve spent a sizeable chunk of my life uptight and nervous.

I get in my head, particularly when I believe I need to perform around other people, whether on a podcast, in a social setting, at a party or on a stage.

I’ve since overcome much of it by letting go of the need to be a certain way.

I also found compassion for myself because I could see I cared about making connections work.

Self-understanding like this helped a lot. People who are indifferent to the need to connect with others successfully are rarely nervous.

It’s also completely human to worry about shit like this.

Seeing that helped too. I used to think there were special hacks and mindsets I needed to adopt to be more chill and cool and funny and awesome.

Positive affirmations.

Imagine them naked.

Believe you’re confident.

Cherry-pick’ higher quality’ thoughts.

Read more

Laziness isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a label we apply to an act that appears to fall short of a particular activity level. Many of us call ourselves lazy. But this holds you back.

Here’s what you need to know to be less ‘lazy…’

1. You’re not lazy.

Just because you’ve been doing things that might be described as ‘lazy’ doesn’t mean you are a lazy person.

Who we are and what we do are very separate things.

Don’t define yourself by your actions.

If actions are the problem, those need addressing.

But if we make it about us, we lose hope.

Who we think we are can’t change - but we can change what we decide to do.

And actions will ultimately shift our perceived self-image.

2. You are likely sabotaging your energy levels.

Becoming motivated isn’t all about mindset.

And we aren’t supposed to lack energy. Humans are highly energised by default.

Most of it has to do with optimising your energy levels.

Most people who come to me and tell me they’re lazy are doing all kinds of shit limiting their energy - often without them even realising it. Here are some examples:

Too much fake dopamine, like playing video games, eating excessive sugar and watching porn.

This fries your dopamine sensors, making it difficult to be motivated for everyday things like writing and creating.

Eating processed food, sugar and wheat.

Sitting around all day and rarely exercising.

Eating food you are intolerant to, like gluten, which slows you.

Get real about the changes you need to make in your life.

Identify those things you think could be limiting your energy and take small steps to eradicate them so your energy and motivation return.

3. You must create momentum.

The most productive people who create in huge quantities tend to be masters at creating momentum.

Think about how you ride a bike.

At the start, turning the pedals and maintaining balance can be a push. It’s not easy.

After some wheel turns, momentum is on your side, balance becomes easy, and you’re flying.

The same applies to productivity and getting a handle on your ‘laziness.’

To create momentum, you must be willing to deal with the initial push, which might be felt as boredom or resistance.

You either sit with the boredom and wait for inspiration to strike, which can work.

Or you adopt a warrior’s pose, dive in head first and create momentum through gritted teeth.

Find the way that works for you and get moving.

Motion creates results.

4. It’s not you; it’s your system.

When it comes to being productive, most of us focus way too much on ourselves. We say:

‘Oh, I don’t think I have enough self-belief to do this, and so I’ll procrastinate.’

It’s not about you, num nuts.

You need a better, more appealing system.

We all have a system for the results we’re creating in our lives. It’s just that yours can be less than optimal.

If you aren’t getting stuff done, what is a system you can build that would ensure you do the right things?

Does it mean waking up earlier and reading for an hour before writing?

Does it mean getting an accountability partner? Does it mean exercising in the morning before working?

Your purpose will come into this too.

Do you have a clear reason for doing what you do?

Forget yourself and focus on creating a system that works for you.

That’s how to cure laziness…

And win.

There’s one thing stopping most from being more authentically energised: internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Ideas can make or break your progress.

Most of us think we’re struggling to find the best money-making system, and because we haven’t, that’s why we’re not making money.

In most cases, no.

It’s your mind that’s getting in the way. Your thinking can sabotage you from making good money, from youth to old age.

The following ideas can be repeated to open you up to money-creation in a healthy, fun and empowering way.

Let’s stack that paper:

1. I am ok with losing money.

Most people tie money to their self-worth. So they are terrified of losing it.

You can’t possibly make money if you can’t stomach the idea of losing money.

Making money always takes some degree of risk.

Embrace the idea that you’ll be just fine if you lose money.

2. Making money shows I’m making a difference.

When people pay you, they are essentially thanking you for improving their lives. Money is not evil. It is a sign you are improving the world.

The more you make, the more of a positive impact you make.

3. Who has my money?

When we get clear about the source of our money, we start getting creative about ways to exchange value for money with the right people.

Who are those people who stand to fall in love with the products and services you provide?

Where are they?

What do they look like?

How can you get in front of them?

4. I am at peace with making a shit ton of money.

Many of us create major conflict internally because we think there’s something tasteless about making it.

We are brought up to associate money-creation with greed. Up to you, but you’ll never create wealth that way.

How about seeing money as a tool to improve not only your own life, but the lives of those around you?

Money has the power to do this, and when you see it that way, it becomes a lot easier to want to make a lot of it.

5. Making lots of money is my duty.

No one gained anything from an unsold product or service.

The world lost when you didn’t create, share and sell your art.

No one gained from someone who stayed poor. Income changes lives and lifts people out of unnecessary hardship. When you provide a service, you change a life.

You’re changing lives when you bring in money to support, educate, nurture, and treat your family.

Everyone wins when you have more money that can be put towards a vital charity.

Making lots of money isn’t an option. It’s your duty.

6. Making money is easy.

You’re far more capable of making money than you think.

If you’re like most people, you’re continually in a panic about cash flow. If you lack money, you need to be creative, not stressed like a headless chicken on heroin.

Sit down, relax and reflect on this question: ‘If making money was easy for me, what would that look like?’ See what comes up.

Your mind is surprisingly resourceful when relaxed.

Brainstorm, write it down.

You will likely find many ways you can make money quickly and easily.

You can do more than you think.

7. I am not my money.

YOU have nothing to do with the amount of money you have.

The amount you have depends on what money-making activities you have incorporated into your life. That’s it. It has nothing to do with you personally, so stop making it about you.

You’re not weak because you don’t have much. Neither are you superior because you have millions. It’s all about your system.

So detach YOU from your money, and you will be far freer in creating it.

8. I enjoy the process of making money.

It’s easy to think that making money should be tedious and unpleasant.

We’re brought up associating stuffy work environments or painful back-breaking graft with making money.

But what if making money was enjoyable? What if you could enjoy making money even if you didn’t have all the answers all the time?

What if making a sale was fun because you knew the value your customer would receive?

When you know what good money can represent and don’t make it personal, money suddenly becomes interesting.

There’s one thing stopping most from being more of a money magnet: deep, internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to make money in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Ever wonder why life seems to have given an indestructible quality to some people and not others?

Well, you’re in luck.

Here are some secrets that will have you laughing at fear like a samurai legend who just had his Weetabix..

1. Feel your way into uncertainty.

Most of us scaredycats think our way into an unknown future, take one sniff, and fuck off out of there sharpish.

Why?

Because we’re in our heads, listening to our bizarre opinions about what we think might happen.

They’re wrong.

Let go of these thoughts, and find a way to bring a sexy heat to your next steps.

You don’t wait for confidence; you move in a way that conjures it.

Reality always moulds to the shape you’ve chosen.

2. Unlock your belly.

Scared people miss a major trick by turning away from the physical solution to their woes.

They chew on clever ideas in their thick little skulls and wonder why they wake up in a sweat each night.

Hey Courtney, quit sulking, and take a look at what’s going on with you physically.

Free souls know that tension is mostly locked in the belly, so they address it as follows: They do a little jiggle, thrust their hips in and out like Elvis on speed, breathe in with thick, fruity gulps, and shudder that tension out.

Huge secret.

3. They reimagine themselves as heroes of their life story.

True badasses are rare because only a handful of us chose to live life as the main character.

That’s right, Jacob.

You could have been a hero, but you chose to moan about your Monday commute.

Kill your inner dweeb, stand tall, and decide to be a fucking hero.

Create that reality at each turn.

Every good story is packed full of conflict. Your life is no different.

Now you’re really IN it, and your challenges have meaning.

Life can be a cinematic thrill.

4. Get intimate with fear.

The most fearless people aren’t free of fear.

They’ve simply learned to open themselves physically to the feeling with less mental resistance.

What Charlie, the quivering dude at the back of the class calls fear, gorilla nuts Brad over there calls raw excitement.

It’s all about how we interpret our senses.

Become fearless by getting intimate with the feeling with less judgement and a weird sense of love.

Everything will change.

5. Dance with the devil.

Average Joes do whatever they can to make life free of yucky feelings.

But because they never take risks, they end up creating a life far more dangerous than they ever anticipated.

They never made the necessary moves to propel them out of the baaahing sheep masses — so they ended up feeding on scraps.

The fearless dive into scary shit as a safety measure, and this results in an enlivening upward spiral.

6. Address problems at the root.

Most of the world do this when they feel a twinge of discomfort: they try to fix it at the surface level.

They drink alcohol when they feel nervous.

They comfort eat when they get home after the new CEO looked at them funny.

Fearless people know that short-term pleasures are like spraying gasoline to douse flames.

Instead, they address the root and go for a walk.

They avoid temptations that make them feel worse and are rewarded with a steady flow of brass nuts energy.

7. Do fewer things masterfully.

Seemingly fearless people know this dirty secret: it’s near impossible to be scared when you’ve done the reps.

No one was born a magnificent TED speaker.

They decided to do something cool and committed to practising it. A lot.

This is why you get people who are the lamest nerds one year and a crowd-dazzler the next.

Make it easier on yourself.

Choose to focus on less,

And become so good you can’t wait for the world to experience your brilliance.

Now, listen in. These help, but there’s one thing stopping most from being a more effortless badass: deep, internal self-respect.

I know because I struggled to get anywhere in my twenties, and couldn’t figure out the bottleneck until I realised it was a self-identity issue.

Learn the 25 little daily habits I use that reinforce a powerful identity of self-respect in achievable daily steps.

My book shows you how (comes with 3 awesome bonuses):

Get the Art of Self Respect book bundle here.

“One of the best self-help books I’ve read in a long time. Alex exposes, in a clear and concise manner, the behaviors we should study, practice, and adopt to develop better self-respect. This, in turn, leads to earning respect from others.” - Jean Pierre

—

Have you ever done one of those online IQ tests or intelligence tests?

If you’ve ever re-taken the same test, you may have noticed it’s pretty easy to score higher once you’ve played the ‘game’ a few times.

Intelligence isn’t a number we’re handed at birth in an envelope.

There are various kinds of intelligence and some malleability to it.

Improving our intelligence requires understanding the game and forming good intelligence-boosting habits.

Here are some habits that raise your general intelligence:

Sleeping more than 7 hours per night.

Enough studies have been done to drill the point home that if you don’t get your Zs in each night, you become stupider.

Do what you can to get those 7–9 hours daily.

Head to pillow is time well spent when your mood, creativity and mental acuity multiply in your waking hours.

Read more