10 simple lessons 40 years taught me about staying mentally strong

My forty-first birthday is veering into view…

I’ve had a colourful life so far and can’t wait for the next phase.

It hasn’t always been easy, yet I’m thankful for the hardships because they delivered the most important lessons.

The modern age is not easy on us humans. As such, we need the skills to remain mentally resilient. And in a world of screens, chaotic economies, and rampant dopamine numbing?

More so than ever.

Here are the best lessons I’ve learned:

1. Everything changed when I learned that my stress comes from my thoughts, not my circumstances.

2. Stressful thoughts will appear, but I always have a choice whether to buy into those thoughts or let them slide.

I am far more relaxed, more of the time when I see I even have this choice.

3. All our thoughts are felt as emotions in the body.

This means I am no longer a spectator in my mental wellness but rather play an active role.

I can become engulfed by stressful thoughts, or I can watch them like I’d watch a passing train.

4. Every perceived problem contains within it an opportunity.

That opportunity can be unearthed to create more momentum in my life, but only when I’m open to finding it.

5. The root of all my fears and challenges is connected to other people.

To put it more succinctly, most of my worries come from my fear of what others might think.

We all have this fear because we associate judgement with reduced self-esteem. When I saw that other people had no possible bearing on my (imaginary) “self-esteem,” I dropped the need to protect myself.

Being unattached like this is strength.

6. To ensure I stay mentally strong, I ensure I get adequate sleep.

Walking at least 5,000 steps every day has become my exercise baseline.

Long walks lead to better sleep, which positively affects everything else.

7. If I ever feel anxious or low, I see this as an indication of the state of my mind (not the world) in that moment.

Worrying, for example, always makes me feel worse.

I know that whenever I feel bad, my thinking is off and unnecessary. It’s as simple as that. I feel bad. Therefore, it’s time to let go, go for a walk, etc. Stop ruminating.

This keeps me strong because my emotional experience, like a mechanical system, becomes predictable and controllable.

8. Saying NO is a fabulous tool for protecting your energy.

If someone or some obligation ultimately drains your energy, be strong and minimise or cut that thing out of your life.

From negative people, to the news, to bad food, to events or groups that don’t lift you, say no.

9. Resilience is closely connected to outwardly directed attention.

In other words, self-consciousness makes me so much more fragile.

I question myself. I am insecure. I worry that others don’t like me or respect me enough. Etc.

That only makes us weak, and there is an escape hatch. Resilient people let go of themselves.

Instead, they focus on what others are doing that inspires them. Or their next creative project. Or they set out to improve other people’s lives. Anything but themselves. Much more energising.

10. Life isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be.

For many, life seems overwhelming because we worry.

That’s another layer we introduce that adds weight to our experience. Judgement and criticism are heavy. It’s optional.

Seeing this strengthens me instantly.

If any of these struck a chord, you might like to take your resilience mastery to the next level:

With my guided course: Untethered Mind.

The course takes you through a series of insights that will reduce your stress by 90% in days.

Join hundreds of students here.

Alex