10 things to know if you get speaking nerves so you realise how good you really are

I was the shy guy in school.

The idea of speaking up in class filled me with a wash of nerves.

I avoided it, but it made me more self-conscious.

I still get nervous before calls and speaking events. But there are some tips I return to that help me manage so I can enjoy myself more.

Whether you’re speaking on video, podcasts, on stages, leading groups, or on Zoom calls, the following ideas help me stay calm.

Have faith in uncertainty.

Most of our nerves arise out of not knowing. We want more control, but we don’t get it.

So, we get nervous in anticipation of what may go wrong. You need to let go of those thoughts. Have faith that the right words will come to you in the moment.

The more you run through what might happen in your head, the more pressure you pile on.

Be okay with not knowing.

Do not reject nervous feelings.

Most anxiety comes from our rejection of these feelings.

When we don’t like how we feel, we tighten up.

We say, ‘Damn it! I wish I wasn’t feeling so anxious. What’s wrong with me?’

You think that kind of thinking is making you feel better? Heck no.

You must find a way to be open to whatever feelings arise. If you feel nervous, don’t block it. Let it be felt.

When you aren’t resisting your feelings, they will fade, replaced by focused calm.

Practice.

You may not be a ‘terrible speaker.’

How many hours have you spent doing it? The best speakers weren’t born that way. They did it for thousands of hours.

We can take our nerves personally. When in reality, it’s about skill.

The more you immerse yourself in speaking situations, the fewer nerves you will experience.

Continually return to what’s right in front of you.

It’s tempting to wander off in our minds, searching for control.

But to be your best self when speaking, you need to be as close to relaxed and present as you can be. It’s much easier to think when you’re not thinking of other things.

This takes practice initially. Listen to what’s being said, and take in the room.

That’s all there is, and you will be smarter for it.

Ignore the stories.

When nerves arise, it’s common for us to try to make sense of these feelings.

We dig into our pasts, searching for answers. But this just makes us more self-conscious and anxious. Stop trying to scratch that itch.

You must learn to let go, and know that you have everything you need, right where you are.

Stop not breathing.

We amplify our nerves by restricting our breathing, often unknowingly.

I used to end calls stiff like an unripe aubergine. I’d been holding my breath and tensing my stomach out of fear. But there’s a cycle at play here.

Consciously relax your muscles and allow yourself to breathe, and you will calm down.

Use the 4–7–8 breathing technique.

This is best used before doing things that bring you nerves. Like an interview.

Rather than running through all your notes in your head, loosen up your breathing for five minutes so you calm down.

Four breaths in through the nose. Then, hold for seven seconds. Then slowly breathe out through the mouth for a long, shallow eight seconds.

This slowing of your breaths will noticeably slow your heart rate and make you sharper.

Enjoy yourself.

Wait, what? How can I say this? I’m supposed to be a struggling, shy person.

This is why. You identify with your anxiety.

Instead of seeing yourself as a nervous person, see yourself as someone who cares. It’s excitement you feel. And excitement goes hand in hand with having fun. Make the choice.

Rather than viewing public speaking as a frightening chore, see it is as an opportunity to learn more about how much fun you can have with language and self-expression.

Focus on making others feel good and heard.

We get nervous because all the attention is on us, and our performance.

The ego, in this way, is piling on pressure, making public speaking feel like a death sentence.

All you need to do is redirect your attention now. Think about how you’re helping others. You’re not here for you. You’re here for them. For the message you’re delivering to improve other people’s lives.

Now the attention is off you. It feels far more empowering.

Don’t pressure yourself to do anything.

The ultimate tip is to forget everything I’ve told you and to stop trying to use tactics to relax.

It may initially feel awkward to not have some kind of thought or method to help you. But you really need nothing.

The most seemingly confident people aren’t thinking so much. They are just there.

That’s it. That’s the answer.

Sure, absorb the above tips, but if you’re still thinking about them as your live call is about to start, you’re just getting in your own way.

Don’t pressure yourself to do anything.

Just be there. It’s a cheat code.

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