14 subtle habits for cultivating deep self-respect

Drawings by the author.

Untethered Mind Sunday Edition, 3.5 min read.

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Many people seem to suffer when they don’t get the respect they feel they deserve.

I know how this was something I desired for years. But depending on this made me miserable.

What I found instead was the value of self-respect. With self-respect, there wasn’t anything I needed from anyone else.

Here are some ways to develop rock-solid self-respect:

Don’t rush.

I used to rush to overcompensate for my anxiety. 

This just made me feel inferior and I would miss details. 

Slowing down my actions and even speech has helped me calm down, feel more confident, and notice far more. 

In this way, it’s increased my intelligence and awareness.

Be less available.

Being continually available to others communicates your abundance. 

Being less available telegraphs scarcity, which pitches you as higher value. 

Caring for others is great, but you need to ask yourself why you are so quick to respond. 

Are you doing it for approval, and if so, does that reflect your own self-belief?

Put yourself first, and you’ll be in a far better position to be someone people rely on.

Find and use courage.

It often takes courage to do the right thing over the comfortable thing. 

If we’re only living in comfort, we’re likely turning down offers to grow. 

Courage is not the same as being reckless. Courage is acting when you are nervous to do the right thing. 

Doing what’s right will help you realise deep self-respect.

Be a vibe lifter.

Be conscious of making other people feel good. 

This is not about being a people-pleaser. It must come from a genuine place of compassion for your fellow man. Take the lead. 

Lift others, and you will find yourself lifted.

Follow your weird

Most people are running around trying to avoid appearing different so they can fit in and avoid rejection. 

But this will eat you from the inside, because you are not aligning with who you are. 

Where might you be more open to revealing your interests and quirks? This is a practice and can take small steps. 

Do more of what makes you yourself, even if it comes with an initial pang of discomfort.

Don’t be a slob

As society ‘progresses’ and ‘modernises,’ more and more people miss the point of taking care of themselves aesthetically. 

Even if you live alone, feeling and looking good is for you first of all. 

Cut your dirty ass fingernails. Clean your shoes. 

Look good at the superficial level, and you will feel the hum of true self-confidence.

Talk less.

Talking less can benefit you in many situations — during meetings, on dates, and in groups. 

Speaking less applies especially well if you’re the kind of person prone to talking a lot. 

Talking less creates intrigue. Talking a lot is often a sign of insecurity. 

What do you have to prove? 

Those with deep self-respect don’t need to talk so much.

Stop seeking approval.

Imagine for a moment what life would be like if you had zero need for approval. 

When we rely on others’ approval, it’s like we fell for the lie that other people have the power to influence how we feel. 

They don’t. 

The only approval you need is from yourself as a result of healthy and bold action.

Nurture non-reactivity.

A life of pain is guaranteed to those who resist what is. If you don't like what you see, and you react with anger, you diminish your power. 

You’re like a leaf in the wind. Judge what is wrong, yes. 

Then accept it, before doing what’s in your control to do. 

If you can’t do anything about it, you win when you don’t react.

Let go of controlling others.

I’ve had a lot of pain trying to bend others to do things I wished they would do. 

But you can’t change those who aren’t open to your support. You just stress yourself out, which turns you into a limp, wet rag. 

Trying to change what you cannot also saps your own self-respect. 

Instead, inspire yourself with your choices, and others may just take notice.

Be a listener.

Most people do not listen. They think they do, but they’re really trying to figure out the next clever thing they’re going to say. 

Listening gives you an edge because most people do not expect to be heard. 

Listening also takes the pressure off you, so you function better. Slow down, and listen. 

You might hear something that changes your life.

Expose some flaws.

Don’t be that guy who tries to appear perfect all the time. 

It will only lose you respect and ensure you live like a fraud. Not very empowering. 

You needn’t blabber on unnecessarily about how crappy your life is, but you don’t want to be overly protective about your challenges either. 

People connect with humans, and humans have flaws.

Be purposeful.

Knowing what you want in life is cool. 

But really, purpose has more to do with acting purposefully than it is having any known purpose.

You can scrub your balls purposefully.

When you act with purpose, you will find a purposeful life falls into your lap. 

Do what you said you’d do.

Stop saying you’ll do one thing only to slack on doing it completely. 

People will certainly start to lose faith in you, but worst of all, you deny yourself. It’s not always possible to honour our word to the tee, but don’t make it a habit. 

Be biased to following through on those things we started and cherishing those commitments. 

This is where true self-respect lives.

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