I’ve learned that a significant part of attraction is rooted in standing out from the crowd.
There’s something irresistible and even mysterious when we do things differently to most.
That doesn’t mean that everything we do that’s different will attract others.
Here are some examples of things most people avoid that are often highly attractive to others:
1. Don’t interrupt.
Such a simple thing. But it’s not easy to do.
Many don’t even realise it when they do it, but they interrupt, not to be intentionally rude, but often out of insecurity.
When we interrupt, we inadvertently signal our sense of inadequacy.
We want to be seen. So we undermine the attention others are getting to steal back some for ourselves.
This is low-status activity and will lose you respect.
Give people space. This is what leaders do.
They are in no rush and are totally happy for others to be in the limelight.
2. Become a master at something specific.
Developing a higher-than-average level of skill for something isn’t common.
It demonstrates perseverance and grit that many don’t have.
Whether it’s mastering juggling or reaching higher echelons of achievement as an artist, teacher, dancer, writer, or sailor, this all emphasises your stand-out quality.
Reaching higher skill levels is attractive to many in a similar way as reaching celebrity status can.
3. Exhibit an unexpected aspect of your appearance.
Being a little different at the surface level of appearance needn’t mean walking around like a goofy freak gimmick.
Subtlety wins here, especially in a world where everyone is tripping over themselves to stand out with an over-emphasis on appearance.
Wear something that interrupts the expectation others might have of someone like you.
You could wear typical clothes like most others but have a stand-out watch, bracelet, or unusual socks.
If it’s unexpected, it tends to stick in the memory.
Memorable things often elevate your perceived value, which is often attractive.
4. Nurture total non-resistance to criticism.
Most people are quick to take things personally.
Someone might criticise them, or they may take things the wrong way. They are visibly flustered or annoyed.
They may go quiet (as was often my style when I took things personally growing up).
This demonstration of insecurity based on a thought-created interpretation of events is a waste of energy, eats at you from the inside, is immature, and is ultimately unattractive.
Those who have developed an OKness with being criticised and gently smile when insulted aren’t pushovers.
They simply no longer see the connection between what others think and their own well-being.
They no longer seek validation, nor are they affected by insult.
This is deeply attractive.
5. Share something that takes courage to share.
People who garner tons of respect from sharing something vulnerable do so because it takes courage.
It requires bravery to reveal things that make you look less than perfect or socially acceptable.
But it doesn’t stop here.
This is where some people get it mixed up. It’s not about sharing things in a vulnerable way for the sake of it. If that worked, we’d all be harping on about the acne or our butts.
Being vulnerable is respected when it serves a positive purpose.
When I am willing to look ‘inferior’ to demonstrate a point that ultimately helps others, that’s strength.
For example, you can tell me that you still get anxious before interviews, but you tell me so that I feel encouraged.
You are showing me your humanity while lifting me.
That takes courage and pitches you as an example-setting leader, not a loser.
6. Be an occasional dick.
There’s a vast difference between being a relentless, consistent dick and being just a little bit of a dick some of the time.
Most people are doing everything they can to come across as nice and harmless and totally not offensive.
In their striving for niceness, they also often inadvertently drain all the soul from them, slipping into the background thanks to their vanilla exterior.
Being a little cocky and cheeky will set you apart.
You don’t always need to be nice to people if it’s done playfully.
This is refreshing to people.
Go against the grain, be a little naughty, and you will have people falling in love with you.
7. Be there.
The next time you watch people interact, note how present people are in the conversation.
A lot of the time, you will find people are anywhere but in the interaction. People are lost in their heads.
They’re either self-conscious and fidgety or somewhere else, thinking about whether they left the iron on at home or they’re thinking of something clever to say next.
They aren’t actually there.
Being there with someone, truly listening, and absorbing what they say will set you apart.
People will be amazed at how heard they feel, even if you barely talk.
People are well-attuned to sensing the presence in others.
Be still. Be there.
This will attract people to you, and often they won’t even know why.
Thanks for reading.
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Thanks for this. You just gained a new subscriber with this post. Listicles are actually a great way to find out fast if an author is worth following, because the author either delivers a list that is unique, insightful, and useful, or rehashed and yawnable. I find this list very engaging.
A very insightful read. I realized that I exhibit some of these traits. That explains why I attract people.