Being okay with not everyone liking you will change your life
Being okay with not everyone liking you will change your life
Untethered Mind, Wednesday Edition, Nova by the sea, Estonia, 2-min read.
—
It’s funny.
We see our lives as these complicated spiderwebs of problems and challenges.
And we see these problems as coming from a thousand different directions.
But in reality, all our problems are tied to other people.
Alfred Adler, the Austrian psychologist, said, ‘All problems are interpersonal problems.’
Isn’t that mind-blowing? Give it some reflection, and you may find he’s right.
Being NOT okay with other people disliking you is a core component here, and a large reason why many are not happy.
We hold this belief that we must be liked by people or we can’t be happy.
Because of this, our behaviours shift. We become stunted. We put on masks. We are overly polite. We take on ‘the nice guy persona.’
We take things personally, even if what was said had nothing to do with you.
And we’re not happy. Even by doing things we thought would make us happy.
I know this intimately. Adapting my behaviours to avoid rejection or criticism has defined most of my life and still affects me.
What’s the solution?
Acceptance.
Not everyone will like you.
This will be a fact until the end of humans on Earth.
The hundreds of people who know you all hold a different perception of who they think you are in their heads.
Their heads.
Their heads.
There’s nothing you can do about other people’s heads.
You can’t just rock up and stick your fingers in there.
So this is out of your control.
Some people will think of you as ghoulish.
Others will love you.
And both will be wrong because not even YOU know the real you.
Accept it. Be okay with the reality that not everyone will like the version of you they see.
Acceptance will do something funny. It will be a relief.
You will relax. And you will become untouchable.
. . .
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It's easy to say "accept" that not everyone will like you. The hard part is actually accepting. I bet a lot of people know this but don't know how to turn off the part where they actually don't care. It takes knowing how, awareness, and practice to finally become that person who accepts.
Being a people pleaser is something that I certainly struggle with. I’m always amazed when I meet people who don’t care what others think k of them.