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How to manage a painful loss.
The feeling of no longer having what you once had can range from frustration to a deep sense of grief.
One day it's in your life, and then suddenly, it’s gone.
Maybe it was taken from you abruptly.
Or maybe you knew the end was coming, so you had time to anticipate the 'no longer having.'
This may have made it easier. Or you may have suffered regardless.
Humans have struggled with losing things dear to them since sharing grassland with oversized sloths.
Some have allowed the pain to compound, twist and morph. They end up bitter, uptight and sluggish.
Others have found a way to manage - and even thrive.
The loss once hurt, but now it projects some colour.
What makes the difference?
Our interpretation of a loss can be felt as extreme and visceral physical pain.
This is the power of our thoughts.
We really do feel what we think.
In that order.
It's instant. It's a law of the Universe.
Our thoughts can possess such weight and meaning they are felt like deep wounds.
The sting of another rejection.
The malaise after a breakup.
The grief of death.
It can be harrowing.
I have felt pain from these things, though I can never say I shared the pain others felt because pain varies depending on the individual.
It varies depending on how someone regards and interacts with their thinking.
The fact we can all experience psychologically induced pain in different ways points to the heart of the solution.
Though it's near impossible to avoid the hurt of losing a loved one, for example, we are still dealing with self-created pain.
And this pain is the same kind of pain as a seemingly “lesser” loss, though the effect is likely amplified.
This pain did not spring on us from a dark alley.
We were not attacked physically.
We responded to an event.
We applied a judgement to the event.
Meaning was born.
And then meaning was felt in our bones.
That's how it works.
Exercising grief is understandable; it can be cathartic to express a loss for a while, depending on what happened.
But the more you can remind yourself that your thoughts of what happened are not the same as reality's neutral and natural purity, the better you will manage.
When we judge a loss as a loss, we emphasise that loss. It is felt as pain.
The sooner we accept and de-energise these thoughts of loss, the better we manage.
We return to the lucid beauty of the present more of the time.
This has to happen at some point; the sooner, the better.
Finding the gleaming gem wrapped within the hardship will be even more powerful.
What did this teach you?
How did this bless you?
And yes, I know this is difficult if the loss was particularly cruel. But even that is a criticism you have applied to an otherwise judgement-free occurrence.
Life happens as it does. This is data.
Like a dead leaf floating down a stream, life happening is neither 'good' or 'bad.'
Can you find the opportunity in the vacancy created by the lost thing?
Can you thank the person you lost?
They may energise you toward a new purpose.
They can energise you toward a new purpose.
You are flying on their wings.
Accept it when you can.
Now be thankful.
There is healing in a simple word of thanks.
Let go of thoughts of loss, and you will be OK.
Find the blessing in the loss, and you will thrive.
Thanks for reading.
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