Ten quiet habits of people who attract admiration
(Even if they look like a warmed-up cat turd)
Untethered Mind, Sunday Edition, 5.5-min read.
This is a celebration of the impact of behaviour and attitude over physical appearance.
Don't get me wrong. You must look as good as possible — for you more than anyone else. Also, for your health.
People respond to appearance. It's reality.
But we can have a lot of influence by subtly shifting our behaviour and perspective.
Here's what I mean:
How on earth do you do this? You allow dignity to rise up into your top five personal life values.
Once there, you allow your top value to infect your style. Philosophy affects behaviour. We all need a personal compass.
No one else can mess with that. Look around you at all these asshats running around being embarrassing and undignified on the Internet.
Find your dignity, cherish it, and act like you own it — because you do.
Make the first move.
It's normal to hold back a little and wait to see what others do before taking a step.
It's a built-in mechanism that often protects us from making irreversible mistakes. But this dynamic has come with a cost.
Fourth in line won't get the worm. Opportunities are closely tied to early, assertive, and bold action.
If, for example, you got a little tug of joy in your stomach thinking about how cool it might be to… for God's sake follow that instinct.
Make the move, even if you don't have all the information yet.
Everything remarkable began with a seed of thought that said, 'Maybe I should just do it, but it feels a little icky.'
Move a little slower.
Fidgety movements pitch you as a little on edge, and on edge is closer to out of control.
Think of this as a loop that affects self-perception. When we slow down, we can take in information at a more ready pace, and we feel more in control.
We will calm down and realise our inner cool.
Others will calm down too, and this is admirable.
Be unreasonably upbeat.
When most people sport resting bitch face, you turn a blind eye.
Just because everyone else operates as though under the direct mentorship of Stalin on a bad day, doesn't mean you can't find a way to lighten up.
Be the guy who lifts the mood in your own quirky way. And if some bellend doesn't like it, that's on them. Perhaps she didn't get the memo that acting as though in a good mood, you do better - and it lifts others up too.
Give unexpected compliments.
What happens if you continually tell people how great they are?
They become numb to your support. It's no longer rare and unexpected.
So do the opposite.
Be sparing with your pleasant observations on others, but when you bring them out, they will be felt that more deeply.
Find something to compliment most people miss — that thing that requires looking a little closer.
They'll never forget it.
Nurture your range of skills.
Being a specialist is so 2007.
Being a master at only one thing sounds cool, but it is precarious in a chaotic modern age. You diversify your investments, so why not diversify your skillsets?
Instead of working merely to earn money, how about working to learn a range of things?
You can still master one thing but also be competent in many others.
Apply this to your income streams too.
There's safety and self-sufficiency built into this approach, but it also makes you a renaissance person — hugely valuable and admirable.
Stop obsessing about yourself.
Newsflash, bozo: the world doesn't revolve around you.
Your past is in your past. Let go. The greatest relief for you will come in realising that no one really gives a flying shite about you or your personal concerns.
You stall yourself thinking you must have everything sorted before doing something with your short life.
You don't. You can act broken.
Let go for a change and build something that inspires (I'm not kidding).
Be low-key generous.
When I see someone do something charitable on Instagram or YouTube, I think it's nice, but it doesn't grab me. It's overt. It's not subtle.
Any act of charity in which the giver knows they'll be on display isn't all that special. When you're generous in a low-key way, without expecting anything in return — now that's interesting.
Think of some stand-out hospitality experiences. Maybe they left expensive chocolates on the bed.
Or perhaps someone who gave you a lift home without expectation.
Refuse to be a little bitch.
The modern world loves it when their dopy citizens rely on external bodies like the government to come and save them.
They love it when you struggle.
Complaining is like raising a little orange flag that says, 'I give in! Come and save poor little me.'
Don't speak your struggles into existence.
Sure, enjoy the odd moan with a chum at the pub, but don't make victimhood your identity. A funny thing happens when we decide to step up and be strong. We feel it.
And that strength will feed into assertive action.
Just get on with it.
It's rare these days, but I love seeing people screwing up their faces in cafes as they plan out their lives in notebooks.
But after a time, if all you do is plan and never execute, my admiration for you will wane. Action is in a different geography from planning.
Doing foolish things for the sake of being an action-taker isn't wise. But there are ways to incorporate more minor actions - like little tests - so you find your feet.
That's how to create momentum.
Every answer you're looking for is found on the other side just giving it a damn try.
Thanks for reading.
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