Why we have self-doubt and nine ways to drop the doubt and realise our inner badass
Untethered Mind, Friday edition, written in a Belgrade café, 4.5-min read.
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A common struggle of those in my community is self-doubt.
We have a goal. We look at what is required of us to achieve said goal. We feel self-doubt.
The trouble is that doubt often gives us a reason to avoid doing what needs to be done to get what we want.
Therefore doubt often holds us back from getting what we want.
That sucks.
We experience self-doubt for four reasons:
Evolutionary instinct.
Self-doubt can be a survival mechanism. Millennia of struggle on this planet has shown us the importance of being cautious so we don’t die.
But this caution is often unhelpful in many situations.
Societal.
Society and culture often set high expectations and standards.
Messages from the media, family, and friends drive home the belief that we are not good enough unless we meet those standards.
Fear of failure.
This fear can trigger self-doubt.
Fear is positive in the sense it is trying to protect us, and doubt is how we rationalise that need to self-protect.
Inner critic.
We all have a voice that judges our reality. Again, it is there to protect us, but often, it just spouts nonsense that doesn’t help us.
The good news is that all of this means you’re human. We all experience it.
I still feel self-doubt. Doubt is a sign we’re growing, and it will never go away fully. But it can be managed so that you can continue to live your life without being held back.
Here are some ways to diminish self-doubt so you realise your inner badass and live life to the fullest:
Set small goals.
Break things down and make it easy.
When you do these simple tasks, you realise you are capable and can take action and complete things. Instant confidence boost.
Get busy.
It’s difficult, if not impossible, to have self-doubt when we’re in the throes of action.
The more we do, the less in our heads we are and the better we feel. If you’re stewing on the sofa, get up and clean the kitchen sink.
Notice how much better you feel.
Get consistent.
Rock-solid confidence is built in the land of consistency.
Consistent action on the things worth doing builds your discipline and your action-taking identity and actually leads to things getting built and created.
Consistently creating things will do more for your self-doubt than any pill.
Embrace your failures.
Chances are a lot of doubt emanates from our perceived past failures.
Seeing failure as a bad thing is a bad habit. This can be changed. It starts by seeing the lesson in past mistakes.
When we turn it around this way, we instantly feel better, and doubt fades. From here, we develop this habit by seeing any mistake as a helpful message from the Universe.
It gives us data we can use, nothing more.
Challenge your beliefs.
The real ninjas in this game never take their thoughts at their word.
They’re acutely aware of the folly in buying into all our thoughts.
All our beliefs about who we think we are are estimations.
They’re all constructed out of thought, and a thought is an illusion. Every opinion can be challenged.
When we do, we see a new perspective — an angle that instantly dissolves doubt.
Surround yourself with positive influences.
It’s a cliché, but it is such for a good reason.
As social creatures, we can take the words of others seriously. If you’re surrounded by assholes, you know what to do. Get out of there, sharpish. If you can’t, have a stern word and be assertive.
Seek out positive mentors, coaches, and friends who want you to win and encourage you to take risks.
And if you can’t find others for now, be your biggest cheerleader and surround yourself with good books, inspiring films and learning experiences.
Take care of your health.
I know, this one’s kinda dull, but it’s really the foundational piece.
There’s a huge connection between physical and mental health.
Doubt takes a hit when we take on good habits, and operate from a healthy body, undisturbed by poisonous inputs.
Be honest with yourself now. In what ways are you mistreating your body (and thus mind)?
Be strong and cut it/them out.
Stop trying to ‘fix yourself’ and focus on success.
There are some things, as we’ve discussed, you can do to improve your situation.
Do it, but then move on quickly. The issue arises when we obsess about our inadequacy and enter into an often life-long pursuit of self-help.
What if you were okay just as you were?
Maybe it isn’t therapy you need but to think more kindly of yourself and to chase big success.
Perhaps you cling to fixing yourself because it‘s comfortable and it gives you an excuse for holding back. It’s time to let go.
Set yourself an exciting goal for some kickass project. Notice how you start to feel better immediately.
Take on more challenges.
Self-doubt often arises because, in our comfortable existence, we start ruminating in our minds unnecessarily.
We’ve created a cocoon of easy that’s turning us soft.
Challenge solves that.
Brainstorm some ways you can introduce some hard things. How about going on a solo trip somewhere weird?
Extract one from your list and get to work. Put it in your calendar. Focus on creating things you want that also make you nervous about doing. That’s where you need to go.
Challenge yourself, take action, and watch your doubt be replaced by belief.
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P.S. If you’d like a more in-depth guide that takes through everything you need to know to manage your thoughts so you are free of continual self-judgement and boost your productivity, you’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.
In it, I share how I managed to overcome years of self-doubt to experience less anxiety and more daily joy.
You can access it when you join us as a member.
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Pssst. You’ll also love my recent book: ‘The Art of Self Respect: Twenty-five subtle habits for cultivating deep self-respect and attracting the respect of others‘ — get your copy today.
You have incredible insights, Alex, and I relate to so much. Thank you. It's all so relatable to many people and truly appreciate the help.
100%! There are many ways to realise your inner badass.
I am taking on challenges once a year, like adding more solo travel experiences. Call them weird or intrepid. Extreme environments require many skills, like mental and physical resilience.
Keep up your highest self 🙌🏻