40 unconventional life success tips I wish I knew younger: A 40-year-old man’s guide to screwing up less

Untethered Mind, Wednesday Edition, birthday in Sofia on a rainy morning, 5-min read.

—

I’m 40 today.

I suppose I’m not your average 40-year-old.

I’m a Brit who has lived in a new country every one or two years, and I now live in Bulgaria. I’ve lived in over fourteen countries.

I used to be terribly anxious, but now I look forward to waking up each day.

My most sacred priorities are freedom, prolific creative output, contribution, self-reliance, and adaptability.

I was a digital illustrator in my twenties and a business coach in my thirties. I’ve built a readership of over 200,000, make enough money from my own business to live well, and my investments are solid.

I haven’t had a real job since age 23, and I’ve worked for my own company since then.

My path is obviously not for everyone, and I have my stumbles and frustrations, but I’ve also never been happier, contrary to what many assume would be true for a single 40-year-old.

Here are forty of the best life lessons from someone like me:

1. One of the best things I did for my mental strength was to realise that life is a dream. You get to live that dream today. Our minds literally project our reality via thought onto the screen of consciousness. Seeing this makes it far easier to stop taking everything so damn seriously.

2. Have remarkable objectives that not only create superior results, but stir up remarkable effort.

3. Learn to distinguish between your instinctual voice and your critical voice. The latter is trying to protect you, often sabotaging you; the former is showing you the way.

4. Be kind, but don’t be nice. Nice is often forced. The world and your tribe need you to be authentic and honest. This doesn’t always mean being ‘nice.’

5. We’re all already perfect, just the way we are behind the thoughts that say we are not. Listen to your thoughts — or don’t. Up to you.

6. The biggest success hack I’ve found is to play it cool and calm when things don’t go your way. Never react in anger. Nurture calm like it’s your highest purpose. Reactive people are continually teetering on the edge of destroying their lives.

7. Don’t expect anyone to make the first move. Never wait. Go out and create what you want, even if it feels a little icky.

8. Every one of your current ‘problems’ is an opportunity. This happens when you find the gift hidden inside.

9. The best way to gain respect (from others and yourself) is to never take things personally. Learn to breathe through it. It’s a practice.

10. Maintain at least a small network of friendships. People rarely reach out, so you need to put in the work. Take responsibility for creating and maintaining your little tribe. This alone feels good.

11. One of the most empowering things you can do if you feel sad or a bit overwhelmed is to refuse to be a little b*tch, stand up straight and go and get what’s yours.

12. The best productivity hack is to do one thing at a time with full enjoyment.

13. Caring too much about what others think will hold you back til the grave — Unless you learn to let go of the false belief that other people are a threat to your self-esteem.

14. Your need for external validation is your greatest source of misery right now. The way out? Realise you don’t need validation from anyone to be happy. Why? Because you are already happy by default.

15. ‘Self-esteem’ is an illusion. Thinking it’s a real thing restricts your natural confidence.

16. Learn to write well, write and publish something every day. It’s the best thing I did for my self-confidence. This will create a community around you that will support your entire life trajectory.

17. It’s okay to upset someone else to get what you want if this ultimately means everyone wins. Without a happy you, the world can’t enjoy the fruits of what you bring.

18. The people that make you jealous are going through sh*t you’d never want to experience.

19. Short walks will make you 47% happier. Long walks will make you 84% happier.

20. Don’t take money seriously. The moment you see it as a game, it becomes fun. Learn to love money. It’s just a tool. It isn’t ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Money made through enjoyment comes easier.

21. If you’re struggling to decide, don’t stall. Experiment. Test the water first. Always. Never jump in head first if you can test it first.

22. Forty years has shown me how easy it is to lead people down a path of misunderstanding. Most people are hopelessly clueless about what works and what does not. Question everything.

23. Society is moulding you to be weak, sad and docile. It’s inherent to society because it keeps society manageable. Everything you do should be an act of determined defiance against what society expects of you.

24. The biggest reason you don’t start is that you believe everything needs to be ‘right’ for you to proceed. Advance into the chaos.

25. Your emotions are powerful indicators — not of the state of the world, but the state of your thoughts. If you feel bad, return to the present moment. There’s no judgement here.

26. Life slows when you slow your breathing.

27. You won the moment you were born. Stop living like you already lost. Play all out. You have nothing to lose.

28. When you feel overwhelmed, double your activity. This will get you out of your head while getting twice as much done. Double-win.

29. Forgive your parents and your family. Everyone was doing the best they knew to do at the time, given the state of their thoughts. Mental resilience starts with forgiveness in the home.

30. The secret to productivity (and joy) is to find a way to enjoy whatever you do, no matter how mundane. You can’t outwork someone who’s enjoying themselves.

31. If in doubt, do more. Embrace creativity. Create so much they can’t ignore you.

32. To reduce anxiety, accept that it is there. Watch it like it is separate from you. Only then will it fade into the background.

33. Ask yourself every day, ‘What would I love to create today?’ Then, live your life following your creative desires (your get-tos — not your have-tos).

34. If you feel like an outsider, rejoice. Not one person who accomplished anything of worth in the history of man felt like they belonged.

35. Fear is an indicator, not of what to avoid, but of what you care for deeply. Knowing this, maybe you should move in that direction after all.

36. Rejection or judgement from others is our greatest fear. But it becomes a source of amusement when you realise that only insecure people feel the need to judge you harshly. If I get rejected, I try to see this as an opportunity to find the opportunity in the perceived ‘problem.’

37. In the face of perceived setbacks, unhappy people ask, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Happy people ask, ‘How can I use this?’

38. I learned that self-love is not something to ‘work on.’ I realised I had all the joy and self-love I needed by becoming aware. Try it now. Sit in full awareness for a while. Feel the self-love rippling in you. It’s there without effort.

39. Your happiness should never be dependent on the weather. Happy people are happy whether it’s raining or shining.

40. You will be perpetually miserable when you expect others to treat you right. Forget yourself and turn your focus on making others happy. You’ll get so much more satisfaction that way. Too many of us are lost, waiting for approval, love and respect. Forget that sh*t. Go out and give it. When you do, you may just find love coming your way anyway.

And that’s it from me today.

If you enjoyed this, share a comment. 

Much love,

Alex

P.S. If you’d like a more in-depth guide that takes through everything you need to know to manage your thoughts so you are free of continual self-judgement, you’ll love my course: Untethered Mind.

In it I share how I managed to overcome years of self-doubt to experience less anxiety and more daily joy.

You can access it when you join us as a member, saving hundreds of dollars.

Join us as a paying member to enjoy these additional benefits:

“You have no idea how your words have helped me move through the most challenging time of my life. Game-changing!“ - Janet Hall, subscriber

You also get:

• Access to exclusive paid Members’ exclusive posts.

• Access all courses and future courses (worth $50+ each).

• Free instant access to Untethered Mind course to reduce anxiety (worth $290+)

  • Recent review: “I hesitate to say this because it’s such a bold statement, but this is the best course I’ve ever taken...ever...university included. Alex. Thank you." ~ George Sisneros, coach.

• Support me as a writer.

• Access all locked archive posts and videos.

---

Pssst. You’ll also love my recent book: ‘The Art of Self Respect: Twenty-five subtle habits for cultivating deep self-respect and attracting the respect of others‘ — get your copy today.