I’ve spent most of my life a bit of an outsider.
But I’ve always been interested in people and what makes them tick.
Over the years, I’ve gathered many little lessons about how certain people draw others in, whether in person or even through their writing.
Here are some commonalities:
Rarely seem to take things personally.
It’s more common than not to harbour little insecurities that show up through behaviour.
Getting annoyed or going silent are examples.
If you can breathe through these moments of inner frustration and remain upbeat regardless, you will gather an aura of respect.
Selective silence.
When Nathan can’t stop talking, you stand out by being completely at ease with your pauses and moments of extended silence.
People start internally asking questions.
Keep things light.
Fascinating people are no strangers to wit and a cheeky bit of humour.
Pulling off a joke without making someone want to run out of the room in a rage takes skill.
Be funny, but don’t base your personality on it.
They assume intelligence in other people.
If you need to explain everything to me like I’m a dribble-faced toddler at summer camp, it makes me feel dumb.
Fascinating people have a knack for making the people around them feel bright.
They leave with a skip in their step.
Get to the heart of what makes others great.
When people make me realise my genius, they can be sure I won’t stop thinking about them.
If you can help someone figure out something about themselves they hadn’t realised, you’ll have them hooked.
They are willing to walk away.
Fascinating people are not barnacles.
They have places to be and missions to pursue. Part of the allure of these people is how unclingy they are.
They may not explicitly say it, but they give off the vibe that they wouldn’t cry should they never see you again (Sorry, Sally).
Secret talents.
Have you ever found yourself nattering away with someone, and out of nowhere, they reveal an obscure passion or strange array of knowledge bites?
You had no idea they knew all the various breeds of iguana, but you’d never thought to ask.
Questions arise.
What other secrets could they be harbouring?
Non-status-quo thinkers.
People are drawn to things that stand out.
Those who hold conformity dear to their hearts may find they are quickly forgotten.
Fascinating people challenge assumptions and often come up with counterintuitive ideas.
Their suggestions stick in the mind like a bear hair on honey.
Uncommonly calm under pressure.
People are drawn to those who maintain composure when most would pee their pants.
It’s a rare thing. But it’s also something you can practice.
One of the things I show you in my Untethered Mind course is exactly how to nurture a calm mind like this in a way no one is talking about.
You can learn more about that here.
Oh, and if you’d like access to hundreds of locked articles like this one, you’ll want to become a paying subscriber here on Substack for less than the price of a couple of large coffees each month:
Your insights are phenomenal. My father taught me a lot of these growing up. I’m gonna give him a call. So thanks for the reminders and inspiration.
I love your careful observation of what makes one click - the ability to make others feel intelligent, stay calm under pressure, or possess hidden talents. The non-status-quo thinker is one of my favourites.