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Untethered Mind, Wednesday Edition, 3-min read.
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Humans have had an uncomfortable relationship with uncertainty since we were knocking stones together to create sparks.
Uncertainty.
Not knowing.
We don't know what will happen next.
Doesn't sound like too much of a big deal, right?
But uncertainty has brought with it untold struggles for humans.
It's made us nervous, avoidant and unwilling to try new things and explore our potential.
If you've ever been nervous about a seemingly important decision, you'll know uncertainty's power over us.
Uncertainty has made me especially fearful, worrying about upcoming meetings, events and interviews. If I didn't know what I was going to say in the moment to sound clever and funny and wise, how could I feel in control of my life?
This made me either avoid the thing entirely or tighten up and feel more anxious.
It's also held me back creatively. I didn't write that book I wanted to write because I didn't know what it would look like, and I didn't know whether it would be a success or not.
I didn't know.
Incomplete information.
And that stopped me.
And it stops many of us.
Obviously, it's essential to have some reserve about the choices we make to save us from doing something stupid.
That's why this fear appears in the first place.
But often, it gets in the way more than it helps. It's overkill.
It's a funny phenomenon, really - one that goes hand in hand with our ability to be aware.
We do this funny thing where we fabricate the illusion of a past and a future.
It really is a fabrication, just like we create so many other things with our minds.
These things exist in theory but not in reality.
There's a disconnect.
It's like we have this idea in our heads of what the future could look like, but never receive the confirmation we're looking for. Because as soon as the promised future shows up, it melts into the present.
We realise that the future we were anticipating simply never comes. It's a sobering reminder that we cling to comfort where things don't exist.
We create both a sense of comfort and discomfort in a nest of illusion.
Not accepting that we can't know the future - that's what creates problems for us.
In our lack of acceptance, we resist. We grind teeth in service of a thought. And when we resist, we create stress.
And when we're stressed, we perform poorly.
So what's the solution?
You guessed it, we must accept.
But accepting is boring, Alex.
Not when you realise the joy that sits on the other side of acceptance.
When we learn to accept an uncertain future and the dark, cloudy skies it comprises, we have no need for resistance.
There's power in this seemingly inconsequential thing, and it can change your entire life's trajectory.
We can accept an uncertain future.
We welcome in calm again.
And when we're less stressed, we do better where we're needed most:
Right here, right now.
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Embracing the unknown: How accepting uncertainty puts you back in control
Alex, pleased to read your recommendation to, rather than be anxiously haunted by uncertainty, that one can choose to embrace it. I might nuance it just a bit and suggest, rather than the holding suggested by “embrace,” one may simply open uncertainty or “not knowing” like a door and walk right through. It’s spacious on this side. There’s a sort of swim to it, but you can’t drown.
Your timing in writing about ‘acceptance’ comes in perfect step with my own recent experience of greater joyfulness; which is directly connected to the series of ‘steps’ of maturity of my soul.
I am finding my balance within the early years of my sixth decade. This is important to consider, because life experiences are the collective ‘steps’ which act as a path forward; and, ideally, gradually upward.
For me, step one was surviving an ever-present storm of angry noise, and a cold void where love and nurture should be present.
This very long infant and childhood period produced the agony of being so lonely, that I constantly begged God to let me escape to heaven.
The, now understood, treasure this cruel time revealed is that I have always KNOWN God’s existence. It is not possible to be angry with someone who does not exist. I finally realized, the blessing of this vivid certainty of my Heavenly Father has always been my comfort, and my compass. Otherwise, I would not have chosen to live in that hell.
And; so, I “soldered on”.
Step two, was finding love. I found heaps of “fool’s gold”, and forbidden love; before finding what eventually developed into the true love of my husband. Although, I didn’t yet know how undeserving I thought I was for a long while.
Step three, was/is loving myself; but, selflessly and purely loving me. This provided the missing ingredient which is essential for the pure expression of loving another.
This step involves the epic exercises of learning forgiveness; and all of the ways the acts of forgiveness is gift to ourselves; and, ultimately to others.
The forgiveness steps are IMPOSSIBLE without humility. “Sincere humility is a powerful virtue, providing sight where you never knew you were blind.” That’s a nugget of wisdom I wrote; which I credit to God. Think upon it often and long. Digest it purposefully.
The perfecting of forgiveness is not for ’the faint of heart’. The necessary journey is purgative and heartbreaking. It leads to a kind of death. But, that is not the climax. The climax is the resurrection; where you finally experience a freedom, and peace, and knowing of Love; as can not be found in any other way.
This was a giant leap upwards, and into the patiently waiting arms of God.
This is a wonderful place to rest. Rest patiently here.
Incidentally, after the long third step; this delicious patience was step four.
Step five is when, again you have strength to journey on; and you find your movements are lighter. Lighter of mind. Lighter of body. Noticeably lighter and joyful.
However; turns out, burdens, like self-inflicted wounds, can be strangely useful things. As, contrast reveals & illustrates wonderful things.
This is when you can be truly fruitful in your productivity as an instrument of God.
Perhaps you, like I, have long been mindfully obedient in service to God’s callings. Even filled with amazement at the miracles He worked through you.
But, this step is just beginning to bloom; and, with it I have blissfully stumbled into the very thing of which you have written, dear Alex.
The blissful thing is . . .
Peace
The Peace; which long ago was offered by Jesus Christ Himself, right before his passion.
And; He offers it still, right now.
A Peace; which can only be found because it was given with perfect Love. But, we must seek this treasure passionately.
Peace; which is found with the empowering gift of the perspective and practice of ‘acceptance’.
This happy moment comes after you drop the burdens of expectations and disappointments; along with the inevitable resulting consequences.
-- Now, it is earth’s season of fall. It was always burdensome for me. The cheerfulness of day is shorten, the skies darken, the warmth of the beautiful sun and it’s energy seemed punitively rationed.
But; NOW, I am experiencing fall with fresh eyes. Now, I see the WHY, of fall. For the first time in my life, I see the once illusive beauty of fall. And, I know I can even float similarly through the winter. Why?
Because; I SEE the reason for it.
Because; I ACCEPT it, instead of perpetuating the misery of hating and resenting it. I can now see how grumpy and foolish I was.
(Reminder: Count your blessings.)
Also, because; whatever ‘step’ this may be, I TRUST my Heavenly Father. The only “unknown” is discovering where He, whom I know and trust, will lead me.
This year, while the wide world groans in collective pain and suffering; God has unexpectedly led me and my husband to gardens of peace. The CONTRAST is vivid.
This “unknown” is safe & welcome.