Let go of these eight things if you want to be truly appreciated
Untethered Mind, Sunday Edition, 5-min read.
Ever feel unappreciated?
There are things we can do - with intention - to enjoy genuine appreciation from others.
And much of it comes from letting go.
Here's what I learned:
Looking for permission.
We need to first break down the true meaning of what it means to be appreciated. Beyond a basic respect and gratitude for human life, appreciation is rooted closely to value.
When you find a way to contribute to the happiness of other humans, you will more likely find the appreciation you are looking for. What's a major stumbling block to creating things of genuine value that others need? Fear.
Why are we scared? Because little of true value was ever uncovered in the absence of courage.
It takes guts to build something - whether a skill or a product - that the world needs and cherishes. It takes regularly chipping away at the thing, too.
People tend to play it safe. If you put less skin in the game, merely doing what thousands of others can do, you don't make yourself scarce, and there's little for others to appreciate.
If it goes against the grain of society even a little, most people experience pushback.
Because of this, it seems like to do something societally unexpected, we need to first ask. But in order to move past that resistance, you need to give yourSELF permission.
Once there, you have the potential to create something remarkable.
Look - I know this from years of pointless doubt: If you doubt yourself, it means you give a shit.
You want to succeed. You care. You cherish harmony. You don't like to see other people upset.
That's all you need to know to know that you're a person worthy of contributing in the way you want to contribute.
If you want to write a book, write a book BEFORE you stew in doubt. If you want to start a dance class, start the damn class BEFORE you waste time doubting your capabilities.
A little doubt is normal, by the way. It's expected. Just don't let it stall you. Because you ARE capable.
Appreciation can't find its host if you're blocking off your achievements with doubt.
An absence of learning new things.
For many, this advice is heard so often and seems so watered-down and meaningless that it passes straight through.
We forget the significance of regular learning. We don't dedicate time to reading about things that complement our area of mastery. And then we wonder why we keep repeating the same talking points, feel uninspired, or burned out.
Making non-negotiable time for learning will fuel you, keep you inspired, and help continually raise your value and sense of scarcity in the world.
Following a chaotic system.
We are all running perfect systems. Can you believe it?
Even those who think they don't have a system. It's just that some of us have created the ideal system for a chaotic and unravelling existence.
You want to accumulate little successes. Showing up every day to write a page is a little success. Especially if you didn't feel like writing that day, but you did. That's a huge win.
But you'd never write the book if you didn't have a non-chaotic system that ensured you wrote regardless of your feelings. Systems remove the emotional component and get you to sit down and work.
When you have a system that prioritises the accumulation, over time, of valuable but not necessarily massive wins, guess who wins?
Doing work that doesn't play to your strengths.
Doing unfulfilling work will sap your soul over time.
Instead, triple down on a skill that amplifies your deeper fascinations and natural talents.
Only when you're working on what makes you come alive can you expect genuine admiration from others.
Because they envy you and want some for themselves or they cherish what you create. This doesn't mean quitting the rest. Maybe you still need to develop your public speaking skills even if you're not the best at it.
You do your best, but those other things are not developed at the expense of the main thing. Keep your laser eye on the main thing and take it from good to exceptional. Finding that thing or combination of things you are best suited to may take a while. This doesn't need to be your 'calling'.
Nothing is laid out for you.
But only you have the awareness to channel your energy into the things worth doing.
Not appreciating others first.
You will struggle and cry over how people aren't appreciating you enough to the degree you don't appreciate others.
Newsflash: we're all connected. Yes, it's a spiritual thing.
If all your energy is directed towards maintaining the illusory self in you, you block any flow coming back to you.
Most people are looking for approval.
They're too worried about themselves to truly appreciate the people in their lives by default.
So, make the first move, and appreciation will flow back to you because your support is right before them.
Not driving attention to what you do.
You may have a skill people need.
But if you aren't doing things that gracefully push your products and skills in front of the right kinds of people, you're as good as non-existent. And then you wonder why the appreciation is lacking.
Appreciation is closely tied to visibility.
If your primary skills aren't complemented by the secondary skills of attention-creation, self-promotion and marketing, you can't expect the desired appreciation.
Relying on approval from other people, even your family.
Most of us go through our entire lives thinking we can't be happy unless we regularly receive approval from others.
This puts us in a precarious position because we base our well-being on other people's actions.
You can't control other people's responses to who you are and what you do. When you do, you're reliant. You're a servant - in the bad sense of the word. And that's not very empowering. It makes you stressed. You're out of control.
So you must nurture the part of you that is not fussed whether someone grimaces at your self-expression.
Many will and should dislike what you do.
It shouldn't bother you, because why should it?
Really think about that.
When you develop that bullet-proof immunity to what others think, you'll find an oxygenated freedom, which will lift you.
Note: I’m going to be releasing many more books over the coming months and years to help you maximise your happiness and more.
The next book coming out soon is ‘The Art of Self-Respect.‘ I can’t wait to show you.
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