Nine subtle habits of the most authentic people I know

Made with the guy who stole my illustration job - MidJourney.

Untethered Mind, Sunday Edition, 4-min read.

—

I struggled to be what people call 'authentic' for a long time because I didn't know who I was, nor did I often trust who I was.

I was in my head, second-guessing my decisions and behaviours. This came across as a little awkward, and sometimes I'd force things, so I came off even more weird.

I'm still frequently awkward, but my life is far better because I understand what it means to realise your authentic self.

Here are some ideas:

They read articles like these and take the advice but then forget about it.

Being authentic is not a conscious act. It's what manifests in us when we aren't trying to be a particular way.

It's what shows up when we aren't self-obsessing, self-criticising and judging. That's not to say you can't learn how to communicate better.

But once you've internalised it and practised it, it's time to let it go.

They do what they said they'd do.

Authentic people live honestly.

This doesn't only mean being honest around the people we come across. It's about being honest in those quiet moments behind the scenes when no one is watching.

It's about being honest with ourselves. We can't always be perfect, and sometimes we slip. But you must move in the direction of integrity.

This means doing what you committed to doing because you honour your commitments.

They smile when they want to smile.

Social interaction isn't all about proving to the world how nice you are.

I used to exert myself smiling and laughing in an attempt to appear cool, happy and normal. I ended up with a strained face and low-key depressed.

Don't force it. Relax yourself and listen. Respond how you want.

This inspires others to be themselves too.

Their actions are in line with their values.

Beyond acting in line with their intentions, they follow their value system too.

This needn't be complicated. Values are derived in the gut. "Morals' may be a man-made construction, but this doesn't mean you can follow your own instinct of good and bad.

This requires judgement. You know when something is off. If you didn't, this world would be an even bleaker place than it could be.

Follow what you know is right. If you close off to this, who are you?

Not always in their head.

Authentic people can get in their heads, but they are also often present, using their senses.

This is a practice and can take time to get better at if all you've known is overthinking. Listen to people deeply when they talk to you.

Have faith that things will be ok when you let go of your thoughts for a moment. Take in the colours of life. The sounds and the textures.

You become more effective and more yourself when you do.

They go dark when the moment's right.

If something bothers an authentic person, they act on it.

This doesn't necessarily mean flying into a wild rage when triggered. There must be emotional control here. They take a breath. They act appropriately to the environment they are in. But if they feel anger, they use it for good.

Maybe they turn that torrent of energy into a creative endeavour.

They don't bottle it in. They are in touch with their senses and say what needs to be said if an injustice requires attention.

They say it straight and avoid fluff talk.

Deviating from what you really mean in an attempt to avoid hurting others' feelings might seem compassionate.

But often, we skirt the truth to protect ourselves — namely, our egos. We don't want to invite criticism based on a false sense that we have something to lose.

Authentic people don't worry so much about looking imperfect and being hurt because they have a firm sense of their worth. What they communicate is not polluted by fear.

They say what needs to be said without the additional bullshit, and this is refreshing in a deeply insecure world.

They are willing to look bad for the sake of honesty.

People talk a lot about the need to be 'vulnerable.' But what does this really mean?

We're essentially talking about being willing to appear imperfect. To reveal our flaws and idiosyncrasies.

When we hide what makes us unique, we deviate from who we really are. This goes for how we appear, think and behave. If we're truly authentic, we can't possibly be without flaws — and yet this is what so many of us are striving to hide. We choose a dishonest life to appear perfect.

This will eat you up from the inside, cause anxiety and distance yourself from others.

Their work goes beyond fending for themselves.

Doing work that contributes to improving the state of affairs of the world around us can be enlivening.

You're no longer merely getting by or doing something primarily for your own needs. Your work means something more.

Being on a mission awakens something in us that energises us and helps us connect with who we really are.

Authentic people are on a mission that aligns with what they consider important in the world.

🔆

Are you stuck? Need support and a plan?

Reply to this email or contact me here to hear more about working with me directly to help you overcome worry and resistance and succeed in your business and creative projects. We work together in crafting a 12-month roadmap to follow so you have clarity and get what you’re looking for.

—

“You have no idea how your words have helped me move through the most challenging time of my life. Game-changing!“ - Janet Hall

You also get:

• Access to exclusive Monday member’s content podcast: Stroll with Alex.

• Access all courses and future courses (worth $50+ each).

• Free instant access to Untethered Mind course to reduce anxiety (worth $290+)

  • Recent review: “I hesitate to say this because it’s such a bold statement, but this is the best course I’ve ever taken...ever...university included. Alex. Thank you." ~ George Sisneros, coach.

• Support Alex as a writer.

• Access all locked archive posts and videos.

—

People continually thank me for the book I wrote on helping you detach from stressful thoughts: Illusory. Support Alex and enjoy the book today ⮕ Buy your copy here.