Nine unexpected habits that make people want to listen to you
I’ve noticed something interesting about the people others actually listen to.
They don’t do what most people think they should do to be heard.
Through years of observation as a personal coach and my own awkward attempts to be heard, I’ve learned what works.
1. Talk less than you think you should.
Most people talk too much because they’re afraid of being ignored or considered dumb.
But the more you talk, the less weight your words carry.
Be the one who speaks only when you have something to say. Your silence builds anticipation.
2. Drop the act.
If you don’t know, be willing to say you don’t.
People are far more likely to listen to a human than an ‘expert.’
You don’t lose if you admit your gaps. You attract twice as much.
3. Let silence do the talking.
I know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable with silence.
That squirmy feeling that makes you want to talk about the weather.
When you make a point, let it hang there. Don’t rush to fill the space.
The ones who can sit comfortably in silence after speaking are the ones who command attention.
4. Say the uncomfortable thing.
Look around you. Most people are playing it safe, saying what they think they should say.
It’s becoming seemingly impossible because everyone’s terrified of being cancelled.
When you dare to say what everyone’s thinking but won’t say, people will swarm to you like gnats to a lantern on a porch.
5. Break your own rules sometimes.
Notice how many people stick rigidly to formulas and scripts.
But those to whom people are drawn are comfortable going off-script. They’ll sometimes interrupt their own point to share a contradictory thought.
This unpredictability (and humanity) makes people lean in.
6. Let others be wrong.
Most people can’t resist correcting others when they hear something wrong.
They jump in with “actually…” and kill the conversation dead.
Those who command real attention let others be wrong sometimes.
They know not every mistake needs fixing.
7. Speak from scars, not wounds.
I see people sharing raw, unprocessed stuff all the time, thinking it makes them more relatable.
But here’s what I’ve noticed: people listen more to those who’ve processed and moved on from tough experiences.
Share what you’ve learned from pain, not pain that’s still burning.
8. Have the guts to say it firmly.
Most people speak like they’re missing a backbone.
Their words are bubble wrapped, with a tendency to protect their butts with various uses of the phrase: ‘kind of.’
They water down their message, trying to make it safer.
But those who command attention have the courage to say it with conviction, even if it feels risky.
9. Care less about being heard.
I know it sounds backward. But this is the biggest secret of all.
The moment you stop trying so hard to be heard is often the moment people start listening.
This doesn’t mean you stop sharing. You just speak with sincerity rather than from a need to be validated. And you don’t rush, waving your arms around trying to be seen.
Drop the deep-rooted need. Speak because you have something to say, not because you need to be heard.
Being listened to isn’t about speaking louder or knowing more.
It’s about being comfortable enough with yourself to stop performing and start being honest.
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Alex
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You always have wise advise. All of this is great advise but I had not heard the wisest thing before. I imagine I will have to quote you when I finally get my book done! "Speak from your scars not your wounds." I love that advise and see far too many oozing the wounds to make their points. Thank you!
"Speak because you have something to say, not because you need to be heard." This is something I'm currently trying to mindfully balance. The ego wants to be heard.