Not saying what you really mean is turning you into a soulless husk
Untethered Mind, Friday short, 3-min read.
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Have you ever said something you didn’t really mean, but you said it anyway?
Why did you do this?
It may have been a little white lie to be nice because you decided not to be a psychopath today.
You may have lied to avoid causing offence, or so you didn’t disrupt what appeared to be a harmonious situation.
But you may have also chosen to avoid saying what you mean for the same reason most of us do it. We don’t want to look bad. We want to fit in. We are scared of some primally-driven fear of abandonment.
We fear the repercussions of our words, and we don’t want to deal with the potential pain of criticism, rejection, or straight-up abuse.
So, it’s clear what we can be up against, at least in our minds. We have legitimate concerns.
Why, then, would I tell you to say what you mean?
Like with much of what I share in this guide, there are nuances to consider.
Sometimes, a little lie is warranted.
The issue is that most of us sway too far in the wrong direction. We diminish our confidence and drop bottlenecks into our relationships because we avoid the truth. Too much of this, as I learned growing up as a teenager, diminishes our joy.
If we doctor what we say in an attempt to avoid rejection, we’re acknowledging our insecurities. We’re like prison camp guards, self-censoring and limiting our freedoms. I know what this is like; even if it feels safe in the moment, it is ultimately stunting.
We are like automatons.
How can we expect to fulfil our potential if we say what we think others want to hear rather than what we really mean?
It’s time to take a good hard look at yourself and ask the question:
Is it my job to keep everyone else happy at the expense of my own?
Your answer must be a resolute ‘hell no.’
Your happiness always comes first. This means having the courage to be occasionally disliked. Because what you say is what you really feel.
Don’t use this as an excuse to cause an unnecessary scene or get yourself in trouble. Being cancelled is real, and I wouldn’t want you to cause unnecessary problems when they can be avoided.
Just be aware that when we censor our words in an effort to be liked, we might be denying ourselves true joy.
We’re chipping away at our ability to express ourselves, piece by piece.
Because to live the life of a true badass means having the freedom to be ourselves.
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Powerfully on-point.
Oooh. This is a doozy. I started a new job and after a few weeks i realized that 90% of the employees only spoke white lies, 100% of the time. I had NEVER seen or heard anything like it. I would stand there and listen to my boss lie to someones face, knowing we all knew the real story. FF to a meeting where they say no one respects them. Ummm. Yeah. No kidding. If I hear them lie to someone else why in the world would i believe for one second that they are telling ME the truth?
The crazy part was after a couple months i caught myself telling a lie. I went home that night in complete disbelief and wracked my brain to figure out how to "undo" what I said. I was so upset with myself that i brought it up in every moment i could after that. When someone would say "what do i tell them?" I would say, "how about the truth?!"
In this case, just about everyone in the building is a known people pleaser and lying is part of it.