It’s a wonderful thing to normalise the desire to live a solitary life and to know in our bones that it is ok, isn’t it?
It’s funny but for a while I’ve been meaning to check out what my love language is. So this morning I did a random online test…i had to chuckle when I saw the 8 ‘languages’ all in a chart and a tiny, tiny segment was the language of ‘time spent together.’ 😂
Lovely to have friends or lovers make me a nice cuppa in bed but then just leave me alone! 😁😆
Aaaaanywaaay, a bit awf piste there but here’s to aloneness and not loneliness.
I resonate with a lot of this. I spend most of my time happily alone and am with people only in small doses, but if took me years to get truly comfortable with this. Sometimes I do feel bored or burdened by the inside of my own mind and having a change of scene and different minds to bounce off against can be refreshing. But I'm grateful I've released myself from the limiting beliefs you so clearly outline here and no longer think there is a different way I should be.
I love solitude but I also love connection with other people, in small doses. It matters a lot to me that I enjoy my own company because I remember a time I didn’t and it was incredibly painful and self-destructive. Thank you for writing this to show there is another way to be than our extroverted society tells us.
People are all different. And what works best for some doesn't work for others. However, what's universal, and matters most, is of which you don't have any control: having people around you that you can truly relate to, whenever you feel the need for it (and vice versa). Being on my own is a necessity, but being able to be around other wonderful people (even though they are incredibly difficult to find) is what gives me drive and motivation to be on my own (from a positive mindset). While comfortable on my own, I realized that I had to get into discomfort to move forward with my life. And to be able to reach a state of happiness I would otherwise never really know...
Ah "Just because society..." 'What will the neighbors think?' 'What if someone sees you?'
Society, the great equalizer combined with public opinion or being seen. How tragic to be trapped in a room without a door or a window, suffocated by the fear of being judged.
Ahh the beautiful silence of being alone, it's music to my ears.
Peace to my heart and clarity for my mind.
That's how I feel anyway.
Like you say Alex, I love being with people, but there is something about being alone with your own thoughts that is sublime.
Except, we are not taught to be alone, like you mentioned we are taught to be with (and please) others. Instead of feeling comfortable with our self first.
It seems most people are actually afraid to be alone with their thoughts.
Maybe this should be required training growing up.
In Mexico we have a saying that translates to something like "better alone than in bad company".
Which is for another context but kind of applies here if, maybe, we need to weed out our associations.
It’s a wonderful thing to normalise the desire to live a solitary life and to know in our bones that it is ok, isn’t it?
It’s funny but for a while I’ve been meaning to check out what my love language is. So this morning I did a random online test…i had to chuckle when I saw the 8 ‘languages’ all in a chart and a tiny, tiny segment was the language of ‘time spent together.’ 😂
Lovely to have friends or lovers make me a nice cuppa in bed but then just leave me alone! 😁😆
Aaaaanywaaay, a bit awf piste there but here’s to aloneness and not loneliness.
I'm with ya Suzy!
Fully resonated with the content. Thank you for your meaningful message, Alex.
Thanks Alexandra :)
I spend about 8 hours per day alone. Even without online calls.
I don't dislike it. I'd love to get lost into interesting discussions with like-minded, affectionate people. But it's rare.
I felt the loneliest when together with other people who had nothing in common with me.
Many have the same experience!
I resonate with a lot of this. I spend most of my time happily alone and am with people only in small doses, but if took me years to get truly comfortable with this. Sometimes I do feel bored or burdened by the inside of my own mind and having a change of scene and different minds to bounce off against can be refreshing. But I'm grateful I've released myself from the limiting beliefs you so clearly outline here and no longer think there is a different way I should be.
Great to hear it Morgan, I can relate. Alex
I love solitude but I also love connection with other people, in small doses. It matters a lot to me that I enjoy my own company because I remember a time I didn’t and it was incredibly painful and self-destructive. Thank you for writing this to show there is another way to be than our extroverted society tells us.
Absolutely Jennifer, there needs to be a balance here, and an embracing of one's need for both solitude and company.
People are all different. And what works best for some doesn't work for others. However, what's universal, and matters most, is of which you don't have any control: having people around you that you can truly relate to, whenever you feel the need for it (and vice versa). Being on my own is a necessity, but being able to be around other wonderful people (even though they are incredibly difficult to find) is what gives me drive and motivation to be on my own (from a positive mindset). While comfortable on my own, I realized that I had to get into discomfort to move forward with my life. And to be able to reach a state of happiness I would otherwise never really know...
Well said Wout
Ah "Just because society..." 'What will the neighbors think?' 'What if someone sees you?'
Society, the great equalizer combined with public opinion or being seen. How tragic to be trapped in a room without a door or a window, suffocated by the fear of being judged.
There is no room, you have always been free.
great analogy John!
Ahh the beautiful silence of being alone, it's music to my ears.
Peace to my heart and clarity for my mind.
That's how I feel anyway.
Like you say Alex, I love being with people, but there is something about being alone with your own thoughts that is sublime.
Except, we are not taught to be alone, like you mentioned we are taught to be with (and please) others. Instead of feeling comfortable with our self first.
It seems most people are actually afraid to be alone with their thoughts.
Maybe this should be required training growing up.
In Mexico we have a saying that translates to something like "better alone than in bad company".
Which is for another context but kind of applies here if, maybe, we need to weed out our associations.
Cheers.
yes, it's easy to go through life thinking we're wrong for it. Thanks for the note!
Great post Alex!
Thanks Michael!
Great article. I hope you don’t mind that I shared it into my private Facebook group.
It’s well worth a read for the guys in there. Thank you.
Yes please 🙏🏼
“It is far better to be alone living for yourself than to have company living for others.”
Phew this right here👆
:)