Eight counterintuitive ways your 'self-improvement' efforts block your progress

Untethered Mind, Monday Edition, Rainy morning in Sofia Starbucks, 4-min read.

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There are over 210,000 self-help books listed on Amazon.

How do you know you're following the right advice?

In my pursuit of self-betterment and increased happiness, I followed a ton of advice that did not help. In fact, much of it worked against me.

Many times I did things I assumed were good for me, but, ho ho ho, was I wrong.

Here are some ways your efforts toward self-improvement might be getting in the way of actually improving:

Overanalysing your thoughts.

Continually reflecting on your thoughts or digging deep into your past can lead to forced mental looping, which will make you feel more anxious.

Instead of trying to exert control over your thoughts, practice living a life that prioritises presence over thought-obsession.

The Perfectionism Trap.

I know you want the world to see you as the flawless superbeing you wish you could be.

But striving for perfection, or getting close to it, will only pile on the pressure to perform, which, ironically, will lead to a crappy performance!

Embrace 'good enough' like the true, human hero you are.

New channels open up when you do.

Emotional avoidance.

Forcing yourself to 'always be positive' is distancing yourself from your humanity.

If you feel annoyed, let it out if you need  - in a way that doesn't hurt others - but then don't dwell on it.

Divert your frustration, as I often do, into something creative.

We wouldn't have great art or powerful conversations if wise but occasionally sad and frustrated people didn't express themselves.

Goal addiction.

Always chasing your next achievement can become a liability.

Absolutely have high aims, but make sure you temper the direction this creates by returning your attention-deficit butt back to the process. Savour the beauty of what is happening in the creative process.

Make sure you finish things.

Master deep focus and keep it more consistent than most dare.

You'll hit goals and even some you hadn't intended for.

The Self-Help Hamster Wheel.

I know many people (like me in my twenties) who pride themselves on how many self-help books they read last year.

But these same people are often dissatisfied with their lives. Little do they know it, but they are secretly addicted to the dopamine pump accompanying the acquisition of new knowledge.

Unless you love information without the results, this is not a strategy that leads anywhere groundbreaking.

The obsession with ongoing 'healing.'

If you know my work on how to overcome stress and anxiety, you'll know I use a method involving gaining insights into the nature of thought.

It's ultimately about letting go of the thoughts you think control you rather than trying to figure out what's 'wrong' with you and doing everything in your power to solve this problem.

What if you didn't need fixing?

What if the only thing separating you from more joy more of the time was a single thought?

Guru dependency.

Over-relying on expert guidance, especially if you follow more than one, can disconnect you from the intuition you already possess.

Use external advice (like mine ;)) as a guide, but learn to trust your own inner guidance system.

There is much to be discovered here.

Habit stacking overwhelm.

I know what it's like. You read Atomic Habits and have this overwhelming urge to take on ten different habits at once.

Good job, bozo, you've just made life more complicated.

Habits are great, but find the self-control it takes to take on fewer new habits, one at a time.

Give yourself the space to cement a single habit for at least 50 days before incorporating new ones.

Bonus: Happiness hunting.

I know. You want more happiness in your life. I do too.

But here's the funny paradox: when we actively try to find more happiness, we inadvertently reinforce the idea that we don't have it yet. This will keep you wanting and unhappy. Make sense?

What if, instead of striving for more happiness (which is just an idea, by the way), you instead strove for consistency or skill development?

You will find that by becoming better at something and using that to contribute will bring you all the happiness you need without you ever having hunted for it.

The other cool thing about happiness:

It's a choice. Not an aspiration.

You are already it.

. . .

Thanks for reading.

Btw, I am also writing regular short fiction stories.

If you’d like to read my recent short about a talking alien plant, you’ll enjoy, ‘The Whispering House Plant’ - and subscribing to my Story Cabin Substack.

It’s appreciated.

Alex