I used to struggle to make sense of attraction. I found people weird.
Over time, I learned that many attractive behaviours are counterintuitive.
They seem odd at first glance.
It took me years of watching and trying to figure out people to see this. When I finally saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.
Here’s what I’ve learnt about the strange behaviours that command attention:
Walk away when others lean in.
Most people try to keep conversations going until the air is bloated. They hover, they linger, they push for more time.
But I’ve noticed something fascinating about the ones everyone wants to talk to: they often leave first.
They end conversations at their peak when everyone’s still energised.
It feels counterintuitive until you realise that scarcity creates value.
Stay quiet when others expect you to retaliate.
I watched someone do this recently.
They were criticised in a group, and everyone expected the usual defensive response.
Instead?
Complete silence. A wry smile. A shoulder shrug. Zero justification.
Their silence spoke volumes about their self-trust.
Be okay to make others wait.
I learned this by accident.
When someone asked me a question in a meeting, I took a full breath before answering. It felt uncomfortably long. Inside, I was scratching around for an answer, but I kept calm.
Then everyone leaned in closer.
Rushed answers feel like they lost value.
Let yourself be wrong.
Here’s something weird: the more comfortable someone is being wrong, the more people trust their judgement.
I’ve seen this play out several times.
While others scramble to prove they’re right, the truly confident person says, “You know what? I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
This is disarming in its honesty.
Point out the elephant in the room.
While everyone else tiptoes around uncomfortable truths, there’s immense power in being the one who calmly names what everyone’s thinking.
You don’t have to be unnecessarily brutal here.
Stick to honesty rather than attack. That way you can’t deny you were right to say it.
Say it in a matter-of-fact tone that makes others wonder why they were so afraid to mention it.
Let awkward moments be awkward.
When an awkward moment arrives, most people rush to fill it, smooth it over, and pretend it didn’t happen.
But those rare few who can sit comfortably in awkwardness?
They have a strange kind of power. They make others wonder how you can be so uncommonly chill.
The most attractive people aren’t afraid to break the silent rule that says ‘cringe must be suffocated immediately!’
I catch myself falling back into old patterns trained into me by society. I find myself automatically returning to expected, average, safe and normal.
But then I remember: normal is forgettable and never reflects the real me.
Be willing to be uncommon, even if it feels weird sometimes.
Your integrity is more important than fitting in.
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"They end conversations at their peak." This is my favorite tactic and over the holidays I had two people comment that they love that when the conversation needs to end, I end it. No last words here.
Again, Emotion-Management is the Key-Element. Smile unpretentiously and unexpectedly.
Giving way to vulnerability, inviting outside world possibly nearing your karma. You may still move away from possible touch - take yourself out of scope for others, while still raying a feel of empathy. Mysterious being in its nest... Namasté, Joe-Kwame