The 13 habits of people who actually like themselves
Ever met someone who seems genuinely comfortable in their own skin?
I spent most of my twenties trying to earn that feeling through achievements and others’ approval, and it never worked because I was looking in the wrong place.
The people who actually like themselves don’t necessarily have better lives.
They have better habits.
Here are 13 of them:
1. Make something every day.
People who like themselves tend to create things, even if it’s just a few paragraphs of writing or a sketch on the back of a receipt.
Creating puts you in a position of agency rather than consumption. It has you contributing.
You can scroll for two hours and feel hollow, or you can make something - even something ugly - in twenty minutes and feel like a human again.
2. Stop being so available.
If you respond to every text instantly and show up for everyone without hesitation, you’re communicating that your time isn’t valuable and that you don’t have much going on.
Have things going on in your life, genuinely, and people will treat your time like it matters.
More importantly, you will too.
3. Move your body like you mean it.
This has nothing to do with looking a certain way.
People who like themselves treat their bodies like they belong to someone they respect, which means moving them with intention every single day.
A twenty-minute walk in the cold air will do more for your self-image than a week of positive affirmations.
4. Spend little time entertaining stressful thoughts.
Most people treat their stressful thoughts like facts, and they build entire days around their silly little worries.
People who like themselves have a looser relationship with their thinking because they’ve realised that stress isn’t created by circumstances but by the thoughts they attach meaning to.
When you see a stressful thought for what it is, just a thought, you can let it pass through without rearranging your whole day around it.
Happy people take their thinking less seriously.
5. Slow down a fraction.
When you rush, you signal to yourself and everyone around you that you’re on edge.
Slowing your movements, your speech, and even your breathing changes your self-image. You literally become a calm person.
Others sense it too, and they calm down around you because calm is contagious.
6. Create non-negotiable time for working on their dreams each day.
People who like themselves treat their creative ambitions like appointments they refuse to cancel, even if it’s only twenty minutes before the rest of the day takes over.
You have no excuses here.
The work you keep putting off is usually the work that matters most to you, and delaying it day after day is a form of slow self-betrayal.
Put it in the calendar and protect it. Your dreams deserve your attention.
7. Let go of hiding your flaws.
Most people are terrified of looking imperfect, so they hide their mistakes and pretend they’ve got it all figured out.
Doing this made me continually uptight and forgettable.
When you’re willing to admit a past failure or share something that makes you a little uncomfortable, people lean in because they see a human being, not a cardboard cutout.
Not feeling the need to hide all the time is also a huge, bloody relief.
8. Say no without explaining yourself.
Every time you say “yeah, ok” to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying “no” to yourself.
People who like themselves protect their energy because they know it’s finite.
You don’t owe anyone a three-paragraph justification for your boundaries. “No, I can’t make that work” is all it needs.
9. Refuse to tolerate drama.
Arguments are rarely rational, and they emerge from a childish need to be right that drains everyone involved.
If someone brings you prolonged negativity or disrespects you, staying calm is your first move.
But if the drama escalates, the most powerful response is to leave the room without another word, because your absence will be felt and your boundaries will be understood.
10. Spend time alone on purpose.
Most people avoid being alone with their own thoughts because the silence gets uncomfortable.
People who like themselves actually enjoy their own company, and that comfort radiates outward.
But you can’t like your own company if you never spend time alone with it.
Take yourself for a coffee. Go for a walk without your phone.
You’ll learn more about yourself in thirty minutes of quiet than in a week of socialising.
11. Stop seeking approval.
When your happiness depends on other people’s thoughts and actions, you’re in a precarious position because you feel good when they’re pleased and you crumble when they’re not.
Focus instead on being useful without expecting anything, and making others feel good. Admiration becomes a by-product rather than a goal.
This alone changed my entire social life.
12. Follow your weird.
Most people are running around trying to avoid appearing different so they can avoid the sting of perceived rejection.
But this will eat you from the inside because you’re not aligning with who you actually are.
Do more of what makes you yourself, even if it comes with an initial pang of discomfort.
The people worth keeping will love you for it.
13. Decide to enjoy it all.
This is the one most people miss entirely. You can do all the things above and still be miserable if you approach it all with grim determination.
People who actually like themselves have made a decision, somewhere along the way, that they’re going to enjoy being alive.
It sounds stupidly simple, but that decision is felt deeply after it’s made.
These habits feed a very real loop. When you act like someone who likes themselves, you start to see yourself that way, and then you take more actions that reflect that self-image.
And round and round.
If any of this landed, my book goes much deeper.
Grab The Art of Self-Respect special bonus bundle here.
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Alex
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It took the first 20 years of my life and overly critical parents and family to get there. Initially it wasn’t “genuine comfort” it was “don’t give a damn what you think about me” rebellion. Guess I just couldn’t buy that I was doing EVERYTHING wrong. Doing life my way and living and learning through the failures and victories created my very own self confidence.
"A twenty-minute walk in the cold air will do more for your self-image than a week of positive affirmations." That's exactly what I did today, and my mood instantly lit up!