The seven traits of people who are unapologetically themselves

There is a constant force that slowly and subtly works against your individuality.

Humans are strongly attracted to conformity and get uncomfortable when they sense they are different from those around them.

The only problem with this? It makes us miserable and unsuccessful in the long run.

It’s in everyone’s interest to become more thoroughly themselves.

Being yourself while staying connected will bring joy and fortune into your life.

Let me show you what I mean by being more fully yourself:

1. They have forgiven their past.

It’s amazing how strong a hold our pasts can have on us.

We often carry around a form of resentment for something we did or for what someone did to us.

Either way, this lack of forgiveness is hurting us the most. We can’t be fully ourselves this way.

You must take some time out to resolve this.

You forgive yourself by finding compassion for what you did. If you look deeply, you will find a way to understand.

The same goes for what someone did to you.

You must find a way to see that what they did was for a very good reason in their mind.

Everyone is doing their best given the thinking they hold to be true.

Including the younger you.

2. Embellish their quirks.

A cool thing happens when we start letting go of past shames: we become more attuned to what makes us unique.

We develop deeper compassion for who we are and notice all the details about us that we may have tried to hide before.

What ‘weird’ interests do you have that few others share?

What are natural talents you can sharpen?

What about your temperament can you take advantage of?

Look back over your school years, for example, and ask: what made you stand out then?

Even if it was on the other end of criticism (including of self), these things all point to the aspects of you that you must embrace.

3. Are shame-free.

People often avoid being themselves publicly because they believe they have something shameful to hide.

Maybe it’s an idea picked up in youth, or you deny aspects of your darker side, which we all have.

They can’t step out and own every part of who they are, so they put on an act — even if it’s subconscious.

They are overly ‘nice’, for example. This slowly eats us up from the inside because we aren’t being who we really are. The way through is to make peace with the parts of you that you dislike or fear showing.

If you can change what you don’t like, do it. If not, own it.

Insecurities dissolve the moment you own them.

4. Healthy relationship to rejection.

It’s rare to come across someone these days who isn’t terrified at the idea of being rejected by another human.

Our overly protected childhoods and our ‘safe space’ culture is directly to blame for an unhealthy attitude to the nature of rejection.

The most authentically happy people are much better able to handle and process the idea of someone disliking them or saying no to them.

This is developed through putting yourself out there.

But we become stronger in the face of rejection when we see the value in being rejected.

See rejection as an indication that you’re putting yourself out there. You’re taking risks. You NEED rejection to thrive, to be yourself.

This is what it means to have a healthy relationship with rejection.

5. Understand the power of staying unique.

In a world continually — and often subconsciously — pushing you towards conformity, it takes continual awareness and reminding to remain unique and true to yourself. Those who stay themselves are aware of the need to be unique.

To stand out benefits us and our businesses in obvious ways.

We embrace our exceptional skills, making us indispensable and needed by other people.

More than anything else, being unique means that we are in integrity.

We are willing to look ‘weird’ to others if it means we stay true to who we are. We aren’t living the fake life like most narcissistic try-hards are doing.

This is a habit, a constant practice, and it will serve you well.

6. They’ve dropped the performance.

There’s a version of “being yourself” that’s still a performance, and most people don’t catch it. Loud confidence, constant opinions, making sure everyone in the room knows how unbothered you are.

The people who are ACTUALLY themselves got past that. They’re fine being boring on a Tuesday. They don’t need every interaction to prove something, and they’re not scanning the room to see if anyone noticed how relaxed they look.

I used to try to be upbeat and funny when I wasn’t feeling it, and that just made me more anxious. Instead, I owned my mood. And when I did, I relaxed more anyway.

7. No longer self-conscious.

It’s impossible to never be self-conscious because we require an occasional awareness of ourselves and our appearance.

Many of us spend far too much time in a heightened sense of self-analysis, which renders us awkward and helpless.

We become self-conscious to compensate for some perceived insecurity about ourselves that we feel needs protection.

For example, I have been very self-conscious in social situations because I wanted to do my best while inadvertently making myself even more anxious.

But our performance and joy in the moment continuously improves when we focus outward.

Those who are most themselves have diverted their attention away from themselves.

They take an interest in the people and the sights around them.

This ends up attracting people to you in the end.

Being unapologetically yourself requires a healthy dollop of self-respect…

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