Why the secret to fulfilment lies beyond having more experiences

Made with MidJourney.

Life can frequently feel like a repetitive grind.

And so we look for ways to amplify our sense of fulfilment.

We hear gurus talk about the value of experiences over things.

Invest in that trip to Spain with your friends, not yet another state-of-the-art lawn mower.

Fill your life with experiences!

I agree with this, but I can’t help but wince at the idea that to live a fulfilling life you must enjoy your life and its lucid moments for yourself.

Experience is important, and more people should prize it, certainly over the artificial junk that often only complicates our lives further.

But what’s missing is the second part:

Experiences should be shared.

Yes, go on trips with others. Take your children camping. Bring your girlfriend to that festival.

But that’s not the only kind of sharing I’m talking about.

Have positive experiences with the intention of sharing your lessons and your stories.

And even if you don’t tell the story of the experience directly, have experiences to expand your creative capacity so you’re in a better position to help and inspire.

This now ties what might have been a solitary and even rather self-indulgent experience to the world around you.

Now you’re contributing.

You’re now part of the bigger picture, not an isolated cell.

We can now think of experiences as an opportunity to give value instead of consuming value.

Small, but ultimately big difference.

Happiness, if there is such a thing, is about contribution more than the short-term thrill of pleasure.

When we take an experience and create with it, we’re more conscious about the meaning of such an experience.

. . .

I’m not telling you this to be less selfish. But I do think there are things we can do to gain more joy from particular experiences.

You can have someone who takes the advice of cramming in more trips, events and moments, but still ends up miserable.

Why? Because they didn’t have an outlet.

This is one of the reasons social media, such as YouTube or Medium, can be so beneficial, both for you and for swathes of other strangers.

Because now we can share our experiences, even if we go alone.

I like this because I love to travel alone. But now, when I have solo experiences, I never feel alone. I have people like you who follow my stories who benefit from the entertainment or the learning or the personal lift I enjoy from diving into a novel environment.

When we discuss and document our accomplishments, we feel fulfilled because we share our joy and lessons learned.

Right now, I am on the coast of northern Estonia, watching the waves crash on a windy beach. Of course, there is joy in this, but the fulfilment comes in creating something with what this experience has given me.

What you are reading right now is an example of what has come of this experience.

Being out here by myself in a beautiful cabin refreshes my soul and stirs my creative spirit. When channeled through articles, tweets, books, photographs, and videos, I make something of this time here.

I am also gradually constructing a legacy that others can enjoy. And that feels good because I am making myself useful in the world.

The experience is nice, but it will soon fade.

But what I do with it - that’s what brings me the long-term fulfilment I’ve been looking for.

. . .

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If you enjoyed this, you’ll love my recent book: ‘The Art of Self Respect: Twenty-five subtle habits for cultivating deep self-respect and attracting the respect of others‘ — get your copy today.

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